Page 32 of The Lies Always Told

“Well, that’s a first. Listen, we don’t have time for this shit. If you’re seriously interested in her, tell her. Show up at her house or send her some flowers and chocolate or something.”

“She doesn’t want me,” I reply.

“You are so whiny.”

“Why? Because I’m telling you I want someone for once in my life, and I’m trying to respect her wishes? That makes me a decent human, not whiny.” I may not be honest about a lot of things with my friends, but my intentions toward others is something I can’t hide very well. That’s why Manny holds our sensitive clients. He can butter them up. I can’t.

“Okay, okay, my bad.” He brings his hands up in defense. “All I’m saying is, when have you ever felt this way? Never probably. So then do something about it. Show her you’re willing to do more than just give up. Grovel a little. The worst that can happen is her saying no, and then, well, leave her alone. But if you think she’s scared because of your health, show her you’ve got her. Show her how she can take care of you next time. Shit, at twenty-one, I would be scared too after you almost died on her. Hell, at twenty-six, your health still scares the shit out of me.”

“It scares me too, but I don’t have a choice. She does. AndI didn’t almost die.” The thing is, that’s a possibility any day for me, and maybe I brushed it off too quickly without truly checking in on her. It must have been scary. I know she was terrified, her tears the following day were enough indication. She asked questions, and I answered, but maybe I should have asked questions too. I should have made sure she was okay, truly okay.

“In her eyes, you did. I’ll send you the therapy bill. Look at me, acting all grown and shit.” He laughs, and I want to as well, but I can’t. I’m too stunned about the fact it’s been a month, and other than calling her, I haven’t apologized once for the whole thing, not since the day after it happened.

“Yeah, you just want me to make up with her so you can see her friend.” I brush it off, trying to hide my realization.

“I already see her friend all I want. All she wants, too. I don’t need you for that. Adios, Gusti. Figure it out.”

Abraham leaves, closing the door behind him, and I don’t waste time. If I want to see Nellie again and explore where this thing between us can go, I need to take the first step. I need to act like the man I am…and I have the perfect idea in mind.

Me: I’m sorry.

She replies immediately.

Nellie: For what?

Me: For not telling you about my health before taking you to another country and out on the water.

I see the dots dancing as she types, but then they stop. A minute passes. Nothing. I’m going erratic here.

Nellie: It’s okay.

Me: It’s not. Let me make it up to you.

Nellie: It’s truly okay.

Me: Please.

Me: I’ll do anything.

Nellie: Are you begging, Gus?

Me: I’m not above it.

Nellie: I gotta go. Goodbye, Gus.

Me: Go with me to a gala tomorrow.

Nellie: What?

Me: Please, let me make it up to you. We’ll talk and then go to the gala. Or we can talk at the gala.

Nellie: I’m not your girlfriend or one of the models you parade around.

Me: I’m not asking you to be. Just come with me, and we can talk. I’m being auctioned as a date, and you can buy me.

Nellie: Educator money, remember?

Me: Use my card. I don’t give a fuck.

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