Page 31 of The Lies Always Told

JUNE

Wind Up Missin’You by Tucker Wetmore&Silence by Marshmello and Khalid

Gus

I miss her.Why do I have to miss her? I’m so fucked if I can’t get her out of my head. It was one week, not even. Five days. It felt like both too long and not long enough, and it’s not fair. It’s been a month, an entire month, and I still can’t stop thinking about her, even though I did this to myself.

How many times did I tell her there wasn’t a future for us? To stay away? To guard her heart? I fucking made her promise me she wouldn’t fall in love with me, and now I’m, what? Missing her? Craving being with her? Feeling like I lost a part of myself the day I brought her back home? After what…a week?

Something soft, but with a little bit of weight, hits my head, and when I look up, I see Abraham smiling at me from the other side of my desk.

“Alo! Are you daydreaming about Nellie again?”

“What did you just throw at me?”

He points to the ground, and when I follow his gaze, I see his wallet. His damn wallet.

“Finders keepers.”

“Like you need it. Spit it out.”

I look at him and say nothing.

“Cooooooooñoooo?1, you’re thinking about her, aren’t you?”

“About who?” I try to play coy.

“Cállate, Augusto. ¿Cómo que no sabes de quien hablo??2” I throw my hand in the air, giving him the middle finger, and he laughs, pretending to kiss the air.

“Hola soy Nellie, y tengo a Augusto Zabana aficiaó como un perro,?3” he says mockingly, his arms around his shoulders, pretending to kiss someone. Fucking jackass.

“All the time,” I finally snap.

“All the time what?”

“I think about her all the damn time.” I wish it was an exaggeration, but it’s not. Everything reminds me of her. And because she likes the water, I can’t even swim or sail without thinking about her. So much for being a playboy or whatever. I want to play, alright, but I want to play withher.

“Just call her.”

“And tell her what? Oh yeah, I told you we couldn’t be anything, and now I can’t stop thinking about you, and I don’t want anyone but you?”

“Well, that’s just sad,” he replies.

“Well, that’s thetruth.”

“You’re fucked.”

I nod in reply before dropping my body deeper into my chair, crossing one leg over the other and looking out the window at the St. Johns River. Zabana Enterprises has offices in three cities. For the most part, I work from home, but Manny has been on a roadtrip with Cara for a week now, so I’m popping into our Jacksonville office to keep things flowing. Our business runs practically on its own. I’m just babysitting, overseeing some of the accounts he personally handles because his clients act like spoiled little brats if we’re not at their beck and call. I could give zero fucks, buthecares.

I meant it when I told Nellie I was worried about him and how he has no life beyond work. So when Allie dared him to take time off to drive Cara, I knew we could make it work. We kept from him the fact that it was a three week road trip, because we knew he would say no, but he usually doesn’t back down from his promises. After he said yes, it was checkmate. I want him to be happy and find some balance, and I think he can do that with Cara. She’s the opposite of Manny. Where Manny is uptight and work-oriented, Cara wants to spend days outside and take it slow. She loves her job, but it’s not her entire life. Maybe they can both learn from each other.

“I told her nothing could happen between us, and then I had a flare up, and she freaked out. She’s just starting her new life in Baker. She doesn’t need to have to handle medical issues on top of that. Maybe under the right circumstances, it would be different.” I haven’t been able to stop thinking about those words.Right circumstances. Maybe in another timeline, in which our families weren’t almost related, or she wasn’t ready to dedicate her time to the children who need her. Maybe in one where my body is not broken and someone else doesn’t have to carry my flaws.

“Okay then, go out and fuck someone else and move on. But this moping shit is dumb.” He gets his phone out and texts someone before getting up. I’m also out of here. This place is depressing.

“Get it out of your system before you get boring,” Abraham says. His parents own a private security company that has been passed from generation to generation. He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, and he takes advantage of it. He oversees the business in the United States, and byoversees,I mean he calls his assistant and makes sure he’s not needed anywhere he doesn’t want to spend at least the weekend. It makes our friendship even stronger, since neither of us nor Jean Luis have to be at work unless we want to.

“I don’t want to fuck someone else. Remember what happened last week? I couldn’t enjoy the bar even when women kept throwing themselves at me. I was just uninterested.”

---