“Are you allergic to anything?”
I’ve been so focused on Nellie and getting to know more about her, I missed all the signs.No, no, no. I didn’t notice the tingling right below my lips that comes at first, or tight sensation that seems to focus on my lower lip and on my tongue right before it gets worse.
“I’m sorry, Nellie, for what’s about to happen. Just don’t freak out, okay?” I stand and walk to the cabin, pulling all the drawers out and looking under the cabinets for my emergency bag. I can’t find it anywhere.
“Gus, what is going on?” Nellie asks somewhere behind me, but I can’t stop to look at her right now, not until I find my medicine.
My lips feel heavier. I feel the same tingling in my hands too. Fuck, it may be too late. I look one more place, and it’s not here. I swear to God, if someone took it out when cleaning and didn’t put it back… Fuck.
“I need my phone,” I say sharply, looking at her while I plead with my eyes. I don’t have the words to explain it right now. I can’t explain. Every second is precious, but I can’t dwellon it. The higher the stress, the worse the flare. I don’t have the luxury right now to think about it.
She fumbles next to the bed looking, and once she finally finds it, she hands it to me. I click the emergency feature on my phone and put it on speaker, waiting for the emergency department to pick up.
“Gus, please. What’s going on?”
“I need you to stay calm, but…”
“911 ¿Cual es su emergencia? ¿Me puede decir su nombre?”
“Augusto Zabana. Estamos a aproximadamente a un kilómetro del rompeolas de Cabarete cerca de Playa de Oro. Estoy en medio de un ataque de angioedema y necesito mi medicina pero no la tengo conmigo. Necesito un rescate urgente.”
“De acuerdo señor Augusto. ¿Tiene a alguien con usted?”
“Si, Nellie Thompson está conmigo. No habla español.” I look at Nellie and see two tears rolling down her cheeks. Fuck, fuck.
“I’m sorry. Nellie, here.” I hand her the phone and lie down. The pressure in my throat increases, the subtle tightness that threatens to cut my air supply. It’s not much at first, but having gone through this before, I know how bad it will get soon. Nellie speaks with the operator in the distance, but I’m focusing on managing my breathing.
“I don’t know. I don’t know. How can I help?” Nellie asks, her voice trembling as she’s trying to answer the questions I’m sure are being fired her way.
The vicelike grip tightening on my throat and around my mouth is scaring me; they need to hurry up.
There’s a pause. I don’t hear Nellie anymore, so I turn around and find myself alone in the cabin. I don’t want to step out. It’s better to stay out of the sun.
“I don’t know!” Nellie shouts from the door. She’s wearingthe dress she had on last night. Her hair is up, and there are no tears left. She’s screaming into the phone over and over again. “I can’t answer any more questions. Get help here, now!”
The distant hum through the water tells me something is coming. The boats sway side to side, and in what feels like the blink of an eye, four men are onboard, carrying me out into the orange rescue boat. After Nellie gets her life vest on, she sits on the opposite side from me, and we get going.
Her scared gaze is on me, and I want to let her know I’m okay, but I can’t. I need to conserve my energy and let them do their job.
“Tengo la medicina de rescate en mi casa. En la marina.” I cough in between words, my breath shallow as we speed through the waves and head the few miles back to shore. She will never forget this, and I will never forgive myself for putting her through it.
No matter what I want or how much I do to keep my triggers at bay, my body always betrays me. There’s nothing I can do, other than deal with the death sentence I’ve been given and make my peace with it. I can feel the tightness in my chest, the skin around my lips stretching uncomfortably. My mind’s a mess, foggy, but I’m fighting, trying to hang on.
EIGHT
ARE YOU HIS WIFE?
Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles&Fix You by Cold Play
Nellie
“Listen,I understand I’m the one with the foreign language here, but I don’t speak Spanish. No hablo español. Please find me someone who speaks English.” I ask as nicely as I can, considering my frustration. The emergency room is full of people coming and going, buzzing around with their own emergencies. Nobody pays attention to the girl with no name, no phone, barely any clothes, and, most importantly, who doesn’t know the language. I’ve never felt more useless in my life.
It’s been two hours, and I don’t know what the fuck to do. We left the boat so quickly, I forgot my phone. I have no shoes, and I don’t know where Gus is. They gave him a shot as soon as we got to the marina, but when we got him to the hospital,they took him through the double doors and left me here without a word. It’s busy here today, and I know it’s an inconvenience to try to find someone who can speak English or who even has the time.
I approach the nurse’s station again, but this time, a different nurse is there.
“Hi. Do you speak English?”