Page 90 of The Compound

He looked at me in bewilderment. “I’m not going to leave you here on your own, Lily. They’ll take us in and patch us up, and then when they return us, we’ll be so much better, and we can sort out how to get inside. To be honest, I think if we just asked them for the key they’d give it to us. They’re resplendent like that.”

I started to pull desperately at the handcuffs, but the metal only bit into my skin. Still, I pulled, yanking with what strength I could. Then Andrew took a step toward me, the rock in his hand, and I screamed as loud as I could, as though there were someone around to help me. The sound seemed to frighten him, and he dropped the rock and skittered away from me. I kept pulling at the handcuff, crying now. He returned and stood a few feet away from me. “I wasn’t going to force you,” he said sullenly, his face red with his own blood. “I’m not like Tom. I’m nice.”

I continued to sob, and his face grew soft as he watched me. He sat down behind me, and I twisted desperately, trying to keep out of reach. “Lie down,” he said. “It’s cold. We’ll warm each other, okay?” He forcedmy body into the fetal position and curled behind me. My hair was wet, and I knew that it was with his blood.

“Now, isn’t this nice? Let’s just stay like this for a while and keep warm, and in no time they’ll be here. I’ll make sure they take you too, okay? They’ll take such good care of us, you won’t believe it.”

“You’re bleeding, Andrew. You need help. Let me help you.”

“Shhh,” he said. “They’ll be here soon.”

I continued to cry, my body convulsing with sobs and violent shudders. Even through my fear, the cold tore at me insistently. After some time, with Andrew pressed against my back, his blood seeping into my T-shirt, he said, “Would you do me a favor? I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, but…”

“What?”

He tightened his hold on me. He spoke quietly, though his voice was the only sound in the compound. “Could you pretend to be Candice for a few minutes?”

“Andrew…”

“I just mean—I used to stroke her hair, to help her get to sleep. Can I stroke your hair and pretend?”

I said nothing. I only cried, and pulled at the handcuff. My face was wet with tears and numb with cold. I felt Andrew’s hand reach out and rest on my head. He stroked my hair from the crown to its ends with a terrible gentleness. “It’s okay,” he said. “They’ll be here soon.”

I don’t know how, but I somehow drifted into sleep. I woke up some time later, the dawn a fantastic purple around me. I lurched upright, and twisted to face Andrew. I thought he was dead, and I screamed. He wasn’t dead, but he was pale and caked in blood. I reached out and pressed a hand to his forehead. It wasn’t actually that bad, his wound. He hadn’t done a particularly good job of injuring himself. His eyes opened, and he sat up. He gazed around, looking a little like Tom had the night of the fire, when he watched the shed burn to the ground.

“They didn’t come?” he asked. I shook my head. “I was sure that they would come.”

“Andrew…” I didn’t know how to say it to him. I think that he knewthen, in the biting morning air, with his blood dried in a shallow pool on the ground, that there was no one here who cared about him. It was worse than Tom knowing that he had been beaten. I took no pleasure in it. I saw him look around the compound with a kind of sadness that moved me. He hadn’t really done anything in the past few weeks. Despite all of his plans, he hadn’t fixed anything, or improved the compound in any way. There was a part of me that wanted to protect Andrew from the knowledge that was finally dawning on him: he wasn’t actually good for much. But my mind shied away from the thought, both for his sake and for mine. If Andrew was of no real use to the compound, then what did that say aboutme?

“All right,” he said, after a minute. “Yes, all right.”

“Let me clean your wound. I could try and fix your nose, maybe.”

“Never mind that,” he said. He reached into his pocket and took out a key. He unlocked the handcuffs, and I wrenched myself free, scrambling backward. Before I could get far, he reached out and took my face in his hands. I tried to twist away, but he held me firmly.

He crouched beside me and smiled. “Now, you be good, all right?”

“Wait,” I said. “No.” He held my face firmly.

“Kiss me, and I’ll go,” he said. I tried to shake my head, but I was caught in his hands. He squeezed a little tighter, not enough to hurt me, but I cried as if he had. I closed my eyes and kissed him. I could taste his blood.

“Andrew,” the voice said. “You are banished.”

“It’s all right,” he said. “You’ll have a nice time here. There’s enough wood and fuel to last you through the cold months. And you can always ask for more, if you need it.”

I shook my head, too numb to do much else.

“I suppose,” he said, then took my hand, as though out of habit, “I suppose I don’t really know what I’m doing. And if I’m getting into it all—I suppose I’m not very happy, either. Well, I don’t suppose anyone’s really happy, are they? But you know what? It was worth a try. And it was good, wasn’t it? Didn’t we have fun? It’s been really special,” he said. He put his hand on his heart and looked out. “It’s been completely magnanimous. I feel very lucky.”

I reached across and hugged him tightly, too tightly. He had to pry my arms off of him. “Don’t walk me to the perimeter,” he said. “Go get the key from the delivery area and get inside. Go straight to bed, and things will be better when you wake up.”

“I don’t want you to go,” I said. Despite everything that I had done to reach this very moment, I suddenly couldn’t stand the thought that I would be completely alone.

“Now, now,” he said, fondly. “You can’t go on like that, or I’ll cry, and how would that look? When you leave, whenever that is, will you bring my things? I can’t bear to go inside, or I know that I’ll never go. Pack them up and bring them, and I’ll come and pick you up from the meeting place, whenever you decide it’s time, okay?”

The compound, all to myself; I couldn’t imagine it. I didn’t want it. Why had I ever wanted it? “Please don’t go,” I said. “Please don’t leave me here.”

“You won’t be alone,” he said. “We’ll be watching you, at home. We all will.”

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