Task: Use the outdoor shower
Reward: Pajamas
This prospect pleased me immensely. I had, in recent days, earned a couple of lovely items of clothing. Each time I collected a new garmentfrom my postbox, I was amazed at just how much it suited my exact taste. I felt seen: I felt like the producers knew me, anticipated my desires as they manifested. I already had two pairs of pajamas, but would have liked another just the same.
I took my towel and went outside to use the shower. Around the front I saw Carlos and Jacintha, in the garden. Jacintha was sitting cross-legged and making daisy chains, and Carlos was lying on his side, watching her as she worked. There was no one else around, and the compound seemed oddly quiet, the slap of my flip-flops against the concrete like gunfire.
Before I rounded the corner to the back of the house, I heard the sound of running water. I wasn’t bothered by the possibility of glimpsing someone showering. I had become used to seeing the others in various stages of undress, and no longer even had any qualms about using the toilet when someone else was in the bathroom. We had become close, all of us, even if we didn’t truly know each other.
I didn’t stop when I heard the shower running, but I should have when I heard the moaning. A second before I rounded the corner I knew what I would see, and yet still it shocked me: Ryan and Vanessa, wrapped around each other, her naked back pressed against the wall, her face tilted toward the sky. Her mouth open, catching drops of water.
I don’t know if they saw me—I stood there for longer than I should have before I ran off, my flip-flops slippery under my feet, hitting clumsily off the ground. I went to the northernmost part of the compound, an unremarkable patch of trees and grass. I knew that no one would come here and I wouldn’t be easy to find even if they did look for me. I tried to arrange myself next to some bushes, so that I wouldn’t be easy for the cameras to notice, and though I knew that it was futile, I took some small comfort in pretending that I had some control over the situation.Stupid girl,I thought to myself, my head on my knees.Stupid, stupid girl.
I stayed there until the sun had moved a hand’s width across the sky. I wanted to stay until it was dark, but I heard Andrew’s whistle and moved obediently to the living room along with the others.
“Where were you?” Jacintha asked. I shook my head. Ryan stood beside me, glancing sideways at me. Did he know that I had seen him?
“So, guys,” Andrew said. “This one’s kind of wild, but I think it’ll be funny. We’re all friends here, right?” A couple of people tittered, and others stood stiffly. I looked past Sam and read the instructions.
Task: Every resident must kiss each other
Reward: Barbecue
“No,” I said immediately. “I don’t want to do it.”
“It’s only fun, Lily,” Tom said.
“It’s stupid,” I said. “I don’t want to do it.”
“A barbecue,” Andrew said. “Think about it!”
“If she doesn’t want to do it,” Sam said, “let’s just leave it. People shouldn’t be made uncomfortable by the tasks. We have everything we need now.”
Ryan said, “It’ll be funny. We’ll get a laugh out of it.”
He hadn’t seen me, then.
Sam was looking at me, trying to be discreet aboutit.
“Fine,” I said. “Let’s do it.”
Andrew and Tom debated where to carry out the task—I think they both wanted to do it in the bedroom for further intimacy, but wouldn’t say so. Candice interrupted. “We’ll bring the beanbags outside to the lawn, beside the pool.” It was the best idea. The sun was softening, nearly disappearing for the day. On the beanbags, in the grass, we would be like teenagers again. At least, that was the intention.
Outside, I settled on my beanbag, trying to look relaxed. Jacintha was on my right, and Ryan on my left. He took my hand, and I let him. “Who wants to go first?” Tom said. There was silence. We all looked at each other, and I’m sure to an outsider it might have seemed like shyness, but we were no longer shy with each other. We looked at each other as a player might eye their opponents on the field.
“I will,” Andrew said. “It’s all a bit of fun, anyway.” He laughed, and the boys laughed, too, but the girls were looking at Candice. She was smiling.
He came to her first. He kissed her deeply, and she pressed her hand against his head, keeping him there, and then gently pushed him away after a few moments. He then went around to each girl and bestowed a chaste, friendly kiss. When he took his seat, the boys cheered. Candiceraised a brow. She was the picture of elegance, wearing a long dress with her hair twisted behind her head. “What are you doing? You’re not done.”
He grinned. “You want another kiss, Candy?”
“The boys,” she said. “ ‘Every resident must kiss each other,’ it said. Not ‘every boy must kiss every girl.’ ”
Jacintha and Vanessa started to laugh, and I joined in a little, though I didn’t feel like it. The boys looked everywhere but at each other, and Andrew frowned at the ground for a few moments. Then he sprang up, and said, “No problem. Lads: pucker up, if you will.”
He went to Tom first. He clapped his hands on his cheeks, as though to keep Tom’s face from moving, and gave him a loud smooch, his lips making an exaggerated smacking sound. “All right, all right,” Tom said, trying desperately to hide his discomfort. We all were laughing now, and Andrew sauntered around the circle, a showman entertaining his audience, making jokes and professing his undying love for Sam before they locked lips. Because Andrew made a joke of it, it was easy for him and for the boys he kissed; but every other boy was visibly nervous, and when they kissed each other, it was an awkward, clumsy affair. In a way, it made me feel sorry for them.
Candice was next. Every eye in the circle was glued to her. She went to Andrew first, too, and sat on his lap, and kissed him so sensually that we called out to get a room. She went around the circle then, boy, girl, girl, boy, boy, giving kisses that were not over the top, but not prim either. When she got to me, she said, “Hello, gorgeous,” and kissed me, long and heated. I was a little surprised, but not a lot; it was like something she would do. It was a fantastic kiss, and when she broke away, she stroked my arm seductively and blew a kiss over her shoulder to me. The others had gone crazy at the spectacle, cheering and hooting. It wasn’t a competition, but Candice still somehow managed to win.