Page 39 of The Compound

“You look beautiful,” Becca said to me. Her tone was conciliatory, as though by praising my looks my ignorance was canceled out.

“Thanks.” I touched the necklace at my throat, then let my hand drop. “I was just passing by. I’ll talk to you guys later.”

When I walked away, I heard Becca say something low, and Sam replied, “That’s not fair. You don’t know her.”

I wandered into the hallway, where Tom had resumed his usual sentry duty near the door. He turned and looked atme.

“You looking for Ryan?”

“Yeah. I guess he’s still outside.”

He stood to let me pass by, but I didn’t move. I had been thinking about the fox invasion from the night before. Everyone in the compound thought I was empty-headed, but I wasn’t entirely brainless. I noticed things. There was something off about his story, but I knew that Tom wasn’t the kind of person who would like to be criticized or made to feel embarrassed, particularly by a girl.

“It’ll be a relief when we get the wood,” I said. “We can build a door, and you won’t have to stand guard anymore.”

He nodded. “I think everyone will feel better knowing we have some protection.”

“What color was the fox?” I asked.

“What?”

“From last night. What color was it?”

He looked at me evenly, in that blank way of his. “Red, of course.”

Even I—I who had nothing to contribute to the kind of intellectual conversations that Sam and Becca engaged in—knew that there were no red foxes in the desert. I thought about the urine on the floor that Becca and I had cleaned that morning. A good laugh, he would have had. The two of us, cleaning up his piss.

“It’s good that everyone’s back on track,” he said. “With the tasks. We’re working together again. We’re making progress.”

“Right,” I said. I thought of Susie, out in the heat of the desert, without shade or company. My mind skittered away from the image of her out there alone, not wanting to think aboutit.

I walked past Tom, and as he stepped out of the way he said, “You look lovely, Lily.”

“Thanks,” I said. With effort, I kept myself from glancing behind me to see if he watched mego.

I found Ryan in the garden. He was still asleep, so I lay down beside him and glanced behind me. Tom was no longer at the entrance.

After a while, I was jolted out of my reverie by a hand on my thigh. “My God, you are stunning,” Ryan said.

“Really?” I said.

“Come here,” he said, and lifted me so that I lay on top of him. I melted into him, and some part of me felt reassured. He wanted me; yes, he wanted me. We kissed, and I gave in to it fully. His hands stroked me, but after a few minutes he groaned and pulled away.

“Let’s go inside,” I said.

He bit my earlobe. “I want to,” he said. “But we’re not going to do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because you don’t want to. No, don’t say anything. I know you, Lily. I’ve shared a bed with you for weeks now. I know the thought of having sex in a room full of other people upsets you, and I get it. I won’t put you in that position.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be a disappointment.”

He laughed. “You’re far from it. I want more than that from you. I want us to be together, now and when we’re out of here. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yes,” I said, though I hadn’t given any thought at all to life after the compound. “Yes, I think so.”

“I want to be your boyfriend, once we’re out of here.”

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