Page 22 of The Compound

“The gym, I think. He got a dumbbell this morning,” I said.

“You don’t want to watch him work out?” he said, grinning now.

“Shut up,” I said, and pushed his leg. It didn’t move. “I’m not, like, married to him. I hardly know him. Actually,” I said, reckless, giddy, “Ikind of thought that you might have offered to share a bed with me that first night. I thought that we got on well.”

“Did you?” he said. “You haven’t spoken to me for days.” There was something dry about his tone that I didn’t like.

“Well,” I said. “You’ve been with Becca.”

“And you’ve been with Ryan.”

“Right,” I said. I felt that I had soured things. I had been so excited, when I had sat down beside him and it was just the two of us. “That doesn’t stop us from talking to each other.”

“You’re absolutely right. I guess it’s kind of interesting that you’re only talking to me now, when a girl is going to be banished tonight.”

“So?”

“So, the last time that we spoke properly was the last time a girl was going to be banished. I guess it’s starting to feel a bit transactional, no?”

I wanted to get up, and walk around the compound, and then return with some breezy answer. “That’s not true,” I said. He was right—but it didn’t take away from the fact that I wanted to speak with him.

“Well, you have nothing to worry about. You’ve got plenty of interested parties. You won’t be going any time soon.” His tone wasn’t particularly nice, and I wanted to storm out of the room, as though he had suggested something vulgar. I felt angry that our nice moment had been ruined, and just as angry that he had seen right through me. I didn’t want to be confronted with my selfish decisions. I wanted to be absolved through his regard forme.

“Why are you being so mean right now? You’re not like this.”

“Maybe I am,” he said. “You don’t know me either.”

“Can’t you just benice?”

“Is this you being nice?”

“Fuck you,” I said, and got up. I didn’t go to my postbox. I went back to the pool, though I had only just dried off. I dove straight in, arms over my head, back arched. I stayed underwater for as long as I could, trying to ignore the sound of other people’s laughter. When I came to the surface, I floated on my back for a while, then treaded water in place, focusing on keeping my expression pleasant.

—

I searched for Ryan,but couldn’t find him. I looked in the tennis court, empty of racquets or balls, and by the dumpster, and at the swings, but didn’t see him anywhere. Andrew spotted me by the gym, and said, “Hey, Lily. You looking for someone?”

“Ryan,” I said.

“Ah,” he said, grinning. “And here I was hoping you might have been looking for me. He’s just finished up here. I think he went to take a shower.”

“Oh, cool. Maybe I’ll see him around.”

“Hey, will you do me a favor?”

“Of course.”

“If you see Candice,” he said, “will you tell her I’m looking for her?”

“Sure.”

“Did you see her…ah, speaking to any of the boys today?”

“I don’t know,” I said. I shrugged. “You’d have to ask her yourself.”

He looked disappointed. I wanted Andrew to like me, so I said, “If I see her I’ll tell her to go find you.”

He smiled. “I’ll find her first, don’t worry.”

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