Page 99 of Fire and Icing

“Emberleigh, my sunshine,” Gran says, looking at me over the rim of her teacup. “Life can be spent running toward or running away. Which will you choose?”

She’s silent, sipping her tea and allowing her words to sink in. Gran never was one to mince words. That trait has only grown more prevalent over the years.

After a few moments, Gran elaborates. “Dustin runs into life-threatening situations for a living. He’s fearless. You’ve been abandoned by three of the most important people in your life. I’m not about to try to excuse a one of them. But I will say this: you can spend the rest of your life avoiding pain, or you can choose to risk again.”

Another poignant pause. She stares at me, pinning me in place with her words. I consider Dustin, my parents, my ex. Did I think I’d be married by now? Maybe. I would have been settling. I didn’t know that then. I had no idea a man like Dustin existed. Call me provincial, but I thought Drew was the best man I could find. I cared for him. I enjoyed his company. I foolishly gave him everything—my loyalty, my hope for a life together. And he walked away from it all—from me—without a second thought.

“No one can push you into risking. Believe me, if I could, I would. I know I can be pesky.” Gran smiles this innocent smile that is anything but.

“The deepest wounds in life are often inflicted by those closest to us, Sunshine. That’s not because they’re the worst people. It’s because they live closest to our hearts, so they have a straight shot that others simply don’t have.”

I nod. “That’s true. You’re a wise woman, Gran.”

“I earned my wisdom, sweetheart. And you’ll earn yours. When you get to be my age, the preciousness of life becomes palpable. It’s impossible for those of you with years and years ahead of you to grasp the brevity of life. That’s why young'uns hold grudges and waste time on things that really won’t matter in the big scheme of things. You can’t help yourselves.”

I nod slowly, a quiet smile forming. “Everything you’re saying makes sense.”

“Not yer fault you’re shortsighted. It wasn’t mine either when I was a young knockout and all the men in town had my name on their calling card. I didn’t know beans from corn back then.”

I laugh lightly.

“Alls I’m sayin’ is, don’t waste your life in fear. It’s a liar and a jailkeeper. If you choose not to give your heart to a man, that’s fine and dandy. Just don’t make that decision based on fear. Base your decisions about Dustin on Dustin, not on anyone else and their failed track record.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? Just like that?”

“You’re pretty convincing.”

“Aren’t I, though?” She takes another sip of tea and settles back into her chair like her job here is done.

“I’m going up to bed. Want me to rinse your teacup before I go?”

“No, you go on. Give everything a long thinkin’. Dustin deserves at least that much after traipsin’ around the state to support you.”

He deserves a lot more than that. But who’s saying whether spending tonight thinking about my feelings toward him is fruitless or not. He never said he wanted to be more than fake. He’s the type who says what he thinks. And he never said that. I might be walking up to a pool, preparing myself for a launch off the high dive, only to find out it’s drained and dry by the time I get there.

It doesn’t really matter whether thinking about Dustin and my feelings for him is productive or a waste of time because it turns out, when I’m alone in my bedroom that night, reflecting on my talk with Gran, he’s the only subject my brain seems to want to entertain.

I close my eyes to sleep and my mind is a montage: wiping frosting off Dustin’s face, the way his neck smelled after our kiss, peering at him over the pillow wall—every wild, wonderful moment plays on repeat in my mind.

I reach for my phone on the bedside table. I start to text Syd, but end up deleting before sending. She’s holding out on me. And for the first time in my life, that makes me less eager to spill my heart to her. I’ll end up telling her everything—just not tonight.

Chapter 22

Dustin

I don’t have ducks in a row.

I have goats. And they are everywhere.

~ Unknown

“So, how was the week off?”Patrick asks.

We’re all kicking back in the recliners in the lounge. Patrick’s got his nose in a book. Greyson’s on his laptop. Cody and I are scrolling our phones.

“It wasn’t exactly a week off,” I remind him. “We were competing for a prize. The pressure was intense.”

---