Page 92 of Fire and Icing

What am I saying? She’s going to think I didn’t feel anything.

“Exactly,” she says from her safe haven in the bathroom. “Kisses happen …” her voice falters. “... in emotionally charged situations. I was relieved. You picked me up, we kissed—it's a textbook adrenaline response …”

“That is what happened.”

“It was just adrenaline,” she repeats quickly, like she’s reading a diagnosis off a chart.

That’s all our kiss was to her? Adrenaline and a knee-jerk reaction to making it through to the next round?

The bathroom door opens. She pokes her head out. “Well, I’m glad we straightened that out.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

I feel like saying,But it was the best kiss of your life, right?Not in a performance evaluation sort of way, but just to check if she felt what I felt. I can promise this: I’ll go to my grave remembering our kiss, the feel of her in my arms, the look she gave me just before her eyes fluttered shut. The way she burrowed into my neck as if I was her safe person, the one she’d run to if she needed protection from all the bad things in the world.

I want to be that person for her. For some reason, she’s decided that’s not an option. I need to get to the bottom of that and show her we can be good together. After the contest. When she’s driving home with the assurance that she’s winning this … then I’ll share my whole heart.

She walks toward the dresser. “I’m going to clean up before dinner.”

“Be my guest. I’ll go after you.”

She pulls a few things out of a drawer and then she reaches up and rubs one of her shoulders with her free hand.

“Are your shoulders sore?” I ask.

“A little.”

“Here, let me.” I walk over to her and place my hands on her shoulders and give a squeeze to the areas that are tightest. I work the muscles with my thumbs and fingers. The stack of clothes in her hands drops to the floor.

“I’ll get that in a minute,” she murmurs.

“It’s not going anywhere,” I assure her in a soft, soothing voice.

Emberleigh’s allowing me to do this for her. After the way she practically bolted away from our kiss, I know I have to tread lightly. Her head lolls forward. I dig into an especially tight area and she moans lightly. Our room is completely quiet except for her occasional hums and sighs.

“Let’s get you off your feet,” I murmur, guiding her toward the love seat. She sinks down beside me, turning to give me better access without a word.

“Where did you learn to do this?” she asks in a sedated voice.

“I don’t really know. I had massages when I played sports as a teen. I guess I just picked up on the techniques.”

“You’re good.”

I smile. “Your back is in knots. You need this.”

“Mm hmm.”

I keep rubbing, moving from her shoulders down to the middle back and sometimes making movements across her whole back. We’re silent. About ten or fifteen minutes after I started massaging her back, Emberleigh collapses back onto me. I almost shift away—to remind myself we’re only friends—but then she exhales and leans even further into me like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

The combination of adrenaline crash, the exhaustion of competing, and the relaxation from my massage did her in. She’s fallen asleep in my arms. I sit stock-still, letting her rest. I tilt my head so I can see her face. She looks so peaceful. Her breathing is soft and steady. She’s beautiful, a study in contrasts—so strong and simultaneously so vulnerable and tenderhearted. I don’t know when it happened, but I’m falling for her, hard. I can’t imagine another woman in the world I’d ever want in my life.

I don’t want her as a friend, though I love our friendship. I want everything with her. And it doesn’t scare me. I’m energized by the idea of sharing a life with Emberleigh. I’ll wait for her to catch up. If she needs to take her time to feel safe enough to date me, I’ll be patient. She likes me. I know she does. And that kiss told me more. She’s attracted to me. I just need to be patient.

I’m thinking about patience and Emberleigh and waiting. I must have drifted off because I wake with a startle.

The room is dark. I glance at the bedside clock. We missed dinner.

Emberleigh stretches and snuggles into me, still half-asleep. Then she comes to her senses and pushes off me.

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