Page 91 of Fire and Icing

I am building a fire, and everyday I train,

I add more fuel.

At just the right moment,

I light the match.

~ Mia Hamm

The momenther feet hit the floor, Emberleigh speed walks off set—past the judges, crew, and every contestant. She says a quickthank youand rushes away. I watch her go, uncertain if I should chase her down or give her space.

Vanessa approaches our station. “Well, that was quite the spectacle.”

“Not now, Vanessa.” I don’t even give her eye contact.

Maybe I should be more considerate since she seems to have an in with the judges, but I can’t muster anything but concern for Emberleigh.

That kiss. Maybe I shouldn’t have kissed her. I didn’t hold back. I poured my whole heart into it. At the time I was hoping she’d understand what I want to tell her—this isn’t fake for me.The timing could have been better, with no spectators, a more intimate and personal setting. But once she was in my arms, I lost all sense of reason and strategy.

We made it. She gets another chance.

I hope I get one too.

I make my way off the set, through the hallways and down the wing where we’re staying. The whole way I’m in a mental battle with myself:

Should we talk about it? Maybe we should ignore it. Bringing the kiss up gets it out in the open. But that could make things awkward. If Emberleigh wants to avoid the fact that we just shared that kiss, I should let her. But it’s almost always healthier to air out unspoken issues. That’s what Dad would say. Emberleigh’s obviously rattled. Does that mean she’s upset that we kissed? Does she know where I stand? Should I tell her now? Maybe I should wait until the contest is over …

Is this what it feels like to be an overthinker? Man.

I nearly barge through the door and then I slow myself. Whatever happens next sets the stage for things going forward.

I take a deep breath, exhale and shout into the empty room, “Are you here? Emberleigh?”

No answer. Her shoes are on the floor by the chair. She’s here.

“Emberleigh?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you in the bathroom?”

“Who wants to know?”

I can't help myself. I chuckle. “Me.”

“No. I’m not here.”

“Okay. Just checking. Also, while we’re at it, I’m checking about that kiss.”

There, I said it. Irun into fires for a living. I can handle a hard conversation. But there’s no SCBA mask to protect me fromthe emotional backdraft this might cause. I only hope I don’t get burned.

Emberleigh’s quiet.

“We could not talk about it,” I say. “That’s an option.”

“Let’s not,” she says.

“Okay. It’s normal, though. We kissed. You were relieved after thinking you had been eliminated. We’ve been spending a ton of time together. You were emotional. I picked you up. We kissed. It happens—an intense flood of adrenaline can make people do wild things.”

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