Page 153 of Fire and Icing

The day dragged on, but we made it through. For the first time I can ever remember, I left the shop without saying goodbye to my best friend and business partner, the sister of my heart. I wasn’t trying to punish her. I just couldn’t even look her in the eye. And the saddest part is I wanted to turn and fall into her arms. To cry together over what she broke between us.

Trust is so easily broken, like a fragile piece of hand-blown glass. And once shattered, it’s so tedious and tricky to rebuild.

I know I’m stingy about who I trust. I’m working on being more vulnerable and open handed. Dustin is helping me, without even trying. He’s showing me a person can pursue their own path while remaining connected and present. It’s a lesson I’ve never had the privilege of learning before, and he’s my unexpected teacher.

But Syd? She’s always been here—so steady and constant—like the Smoky Mountains. A part of my landscape, beautiful and unshifting.

The phone stops ringing. And starts right up again.

Syd’s in relentless mode. I’ve always appreciated that about her. Where I build walls and retreat for safety, she busts through barriers and demands resolution. I won’t avoid her forever. That’s why she’s spamming me. She knows she’ll wear me down.

And a part of me wants her to.

She can date whoever she wants. Of course.

But Evan? Why him? And why keep him a secret?

The hundreds of little lies she told and the truth she withheld—commission and omission. She has been deceiving me.My best friend.

I almost call Dustin. A photo came through a while ago. Him on a couch in the greenroom. I couldn’t even answer him. A fresh wave of tears had flooded me. I took a photo of the TV and told him I’d be watching tonight. I will be. This is the best I can do for him. But I want to do better. I want to encourage andsupport him while he follows his dreams. I want to be the person he can count on to always be here when he comes back from his adventures. And I want to push outside my comfort zone to tag along without losing myself in the process. He deserves that level of support from me, and I’m going to do my best to give it.

Somewhere during the emotional collapse in my car this morning, I said out loud, “I’m going to Nashville. We’re closing the bakery for a day. People can live without their muffins.”

I had laughed through my tears over the line Cass so easily tossed out.

She had no idea the impact the wordmuffinswould have on me.

The phone rings again. “Okay! Okay!” I relent.

I pick it up and answer. “What?”

Syd is unfazed by my curt greeting. “Can I come over?”

I sigh. Can she come over? We’re going to have to face this eventually. And I don’t want a cloud over my trip to Nashville tomorrow. I want to be freed up to be present for Dustin. He needs to be my sole focus. I’m going to surprise him. And after this, I’ll be at every gig and concert I’m able—even if I have to hire more part-time help.

“Yes, you can come over.”

“Oh my goodness! Seriously? I can. Okay. Okay. Don’t change your mind. I’m coming. I’m so sorry, Emberleigh. You have no idea. I can’t take you being mad at me. I get it. You have every right. And I knew you’d be upset, but I didn’t realize what it would feel like for you to ice me out.”

“I didn’t ice you out,” I say with an undeniably icy tone to my voice.

Syd’s quiet.

“Not much,” I amend. “A little ice. But can you blame me? Evan, Syd? Really? And you hid him from me. Why?”

I miss her. One day of us being at odds and I feel like the tectonic plates of my life have permanently shifted. I don’t tell her that. Not yet. I’m still reeling from the fact that she was kissing Evan … in our kitchen … and lying to me about seeing him all this time.

“I’ll be right there. Do you have a preferred groveling gift?”

“Groveling gift?”

“Something to show you I’m sorry I was a manhandling oaf?”

“Wrong apology.”

I smile a faint smile remembering all the ways Dustin had to grovel, and he barely did anything wrong. At the time I felt like he had overstepped. It was a combination of watching my kitchen go up in flames, the feeling of powerlessness, and the way he lifted me without warning. But he made up for all his errors and then some.

“I know. I know,” Syd backpedals. “It’s wayyyy too early for jokes. I’m just nervous. I don’t think you’ve ever been mad at me in all these years. And you have every right. I’m just … I don’t want to lose our friendship. I really am sorry. I’ll explain everything when I get there. Emberleigh, you are the last person on earth I’d ever hurt intentionally or unintentionally. I love you.”

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