Page 150 of Fire and Icing

“Evan?”

“Emberleigh.” He drops his hands from Syd’s shoulders and takes a full step back from her.

Evan. Drew’s brother. My head feels woozy.

“You?” I manage to breathe out. “You’re the reason she’s been acting so weird? The sweatshirt? It was yours. The phone calls? The texts? That was all you.”

Syd looks horrified. Evan steps back another step. Neither of them says a word.

I can’t process what I’m seeing. There’s no place in my mind where it makes sense for my best friend to be dating my ex-boyfriend’s brother. Of all the people, Syd knows how much pain Drew and his family caused me. She lived through their chronic rejection of me.

“Em—” Syd finally speaks.

“Don’t. Just … don’t.” I turn and walk out.

Chapter 32

Dustin

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live

to be a hundred minus one day

so I never have to live without you.

~ A. A. Milne

“Dustin,that was more than we had hoped for,” a sound tech named Joel says with a kind smile.

The producer approaches me. “You've got real talent, Dustin.”

“Thanks,” I smile.

I’m packing up my guitar, ready to head back to the hotel for a shower before a car picks me up to go on this show. It’s been a long day.

Back home, when I had a gig, it was after a normal day. I’d get ready, go to the bar or club or restaurant, set up and play. Today has been a whirlwind between meetings and signing papers and then all the hours in the studio. And it won’t end until after midnight.

I’m sure the average day in the life of a musician isn’t this hectic. But I imagine there may be many days like this. In some ways, I’m used to an erratic, demanding, unpredictable schedule. When I worked wildfires as a volunteer in California, we’d sleep near the fire. We were round-the-clock with few breaks and little rest.

Is this the life I want?

Not that they’re fully offering it to me yet, but if they did …

Emberleigh crosses my mind. Not that she ever left it.

I pull my phone out of my pocket, snap a pic of me in the studio holding my packed guitar. I caption it, “Long day. I officially recorded your song for the world. But it’s still yours. Off to hotel and then talk show. Save two blueberry-lemon donuts for me.”

I pocket my phone. I’ve been pausing to send her quick photos of my experience throughout the day. I only sent four so far. It’s my way of letting her know she’s here with me even when she can’t be. I didn’t let her go or leave her. I just stepped away and I’ll be back.

In love, we inherit both the wreckage and the riches of the ones who came before us. Emberleigh is strong and resilient. And she’s caring and thoughtful. Those qualities developed with the help of significant people in her past. Her skittish nature when it comes to abandonment wasn’t caused by me. But I’m here now and I can help her move past her presumption that people always leave.

And she can help me become the type of man someone leans on. Back home, I’m the baby brother—the jokester, the one bringing a smile to everyone’s face. No one turns to me for anything. They’ve got Stevens and Dad for that. Emberleigh’s teaching me to be a man who stays and shows up. I want to be someone she can depend on.

My phone pings and she sends a photo of her living room television. The caption is, “I’ll be watching you tonight.” I don’t know if she’s smiling. She always adds an emoji. This time, she didn’t.

She’ll be watching. I’d love a photo of her right now. She sent a few throughout the day yesterday. But I’ll settle for knowing she’s going to be tuned in while I’m on Nashville Night Light.

I put a heart on her photo and type. “I’m glad. You’re the only one who matters.”

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