Page 136 of Fire and Icing

~ Unknown

I wake up unsettled.It’s my day off from the bakery. The last thing I need is a day off. Dustin’s off today too. And while I’d love to have a day with him, I really need time to get my head together. I don’t want to drag him down with my unfinished business. He deserves to be excited about this opportunity. And I think I’ll get there. I just need a minute.

I roll over in bed, taking advantage of the one morning a week that my feet don’t have to hit the ground as soon as the alarm sounds. Memories of my dreams last night come to me in fragments. The bakery. Drew was there. He ordered a plate of donuts. Then Dustin showed up and said, “Hey, those are mine.” Drew dropped the plate and walked out without looking back, but then he said to Dustin, “Aren’t you coming?” Dustin grabbed his guitar, which, oddly, was propped in the corner by the bakery case. And he walked out. I tried to scream for him to stay, butmy vocal cords were not working. I was as mute as the Little Mermaid after Ursula tricked her.

I can’t sleep after remembering all that. So, I shower and head downstairs to bake. Baking always centers me. I start with a double batch of muffins. They come out dry as sawdust. I look over and see the softened butter still sitting on the counter. That’s okay. I’ll make scones. I whip everything together, using cold butter from the fridge this time. The scones come out soggy. Maybe I added too much liquid? Maybe they were too close together during baking.

I give up the idea of baking. Before I actually think about what I’m doing, I’m grabbing my purse and my keys and driving to the bakery.

I enter the kitchen through the back door.

Syd takes one look at me and asks, “What’s wrong?”

I don’t even ask if a part-timer is covering everything out front. I just collapse into Syd’s arms. She hugs me and then she steps back.

“Okay. Tell me everything. What happened?”

“I almost called you last night, but I just needed time to process everything.”

I launch into the CliffsNotes version of the conversation with Dustin the night before last at the Waterford Burgers ’n Such.

I didn’t name the place. And despite their desperate need for a rebrand, they do have the best fries in town.

“So, he’s really considering Nashville?” Syd asks when I finish my summary of our situation.

“It’s a big opportunity. He's leaving for Nashville. I knew this was too good to be true.”

Sydney frowns. “Did he say he’s leaving for Nashville?”"

“Not moving. Not yet. He’s going to record a demo,” I say. “I’m trying so hard to set aside my past so I can be happy for him. This is the chance of a lifetime. I know that. And Dustin’sa talented singer with a charismatic personality. He’s the whole package. He should pursue this—of course he should.”

I look at Syd, silently begging her to make sense of this for me, to walk me through my fears so I can be there for Dustin the way he was there for me in the contest.

“My head is as busy as the first day we release apple crumb pies in the fall,” I nearly whine.

“A line out the door?” Syd asks.

“A room so crowded you can’t hear yourself think.”

“Ahh. Well, you need to override all that chatter.”

“I know. Where’s the off switch?”

“I wish I knew. Come here. Let’s make some cookies. We’ll just throw ourselves into baking. That always helps.”

She hands me a mixing bowl and starts to pull down ingredients. “What are we baking?”

“Let’s use the freeze-dried strawberries that came in yesterday,” I suggest. “We can make my strawberry white chocolate chip cookies.”

“That’s the spirit.”

“You say that now. You didn’t see me tossing out two pans of muffins and a batch of scones this morning at Gran’s.”

“Girl.”

“I can’t focus. I’m a hot mess.” I set the mixing bowl down. “I don’t know if I can go through this again. Dustin knows about how Drew left. He knows about my parents. He knows how those experiences wrecked me. In my head, I’m fully aware this isn’t about me. Why can’t I just let go and be happy for him?”

Syd sets down the bag of white chocolate chips. She walks over to me and places her hands on my shoulders. “I get it. This is scary. For most people, it would be. You just started liking this guy and now he’s talking about possibly pursuing a career that would put him on the road—take him away from Waterford, from you. And with your past, any sign of someone heading forthe door makes you double over inside. But Dustin’s just going to record a demo. Nothing’s happened yet. Do you know how many demos get recorded in Nashville in a year?”

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