Page 101 of Fire and Icing

I key my lapel mic. “Engine one on scene. Confirmed: one goat, trampoline. Elevated position. No injuries yet.”

Cody snorts behind me. “You really have a way with the women, Rookie.”

“I’m a safe place,” I say quietly. Then I look at the goat. “I’m safe, Jenny.”

“He’s even got his Cheetos boxers on for you, Jenny,” Cody says in a soothing voice.

“Cheetos inspire confidence in the females,” I joke.

Jenny starts pacing, ears flicking, tail twitching. She’s in full drama-queen mode, and I know better than to make the first move.

“Alright, sweet girl,” I say gently, “let’s not make this weird.”

Jenny makes it weird.

She leaps away from me. The trampoline dips when she lands, catapulting her into the air with a massive bounce. Her hooves splay in the air and she lets out this other-worldly scream that sounds like a toddler and a kazoo had a baby. She lands, eyeing me as if I caused all that.

I take a step closer.

Jenny freezes. Glares at me, then at Cody, who’s blocking the other hole in the net. Then Jenny pees on the mesh surface beneath her.

“Nice,” I say. “Super helpful. Not exactly first date behavior, Jenny.”

Cody coughs back a laugh. “Do I need to tell Emberleigh she’s got competition?”

“No one competes with Emberleigh,” I say with far too much sincerity in my voice.

I look Jenny dead in the eyes. “Come on, pretty girl, let’s get you down off this thing.”

Cody extends a gloved hand with the treat in his palm. “Come to me, Jenny. I’m far cuter than that guy. Besides, he’s taken.”

Am I, though? I can only hope so.

Jenny takes a careful step toward Cody while I hoist myself up onto the trampoline and slowly maneuver behind her. I’m a big guy. The springy surface dips with every step I take. Jenny’s so fixated on the treat, she doesn’t seem to notice me, so I ambush her from behind, grabbing her and lifting her into my arms in one swift move.

For a fleeting moment, I think I’ve done my job. Jenny and I are in sync.

Or she’s in shock, because the moment passes and she starts bucking and kicking in my arms.

“First it’s the baker, now he’s manhandling the livestock,” Greyson says, rounding the corner of the house.

Jenny’s flailing, screaming like a banshee, and wiggling like a child avoiding her bath. I’m trying to pin her to my torso, but the trampoline is bouncing wildly with every erratic move she makes. Cody’s no help. He’s laughing so hard, he’s doubled over.

Jenny makes one swift move, arching her back and extending her legs. I wobble. She leaps. I go down like a tree, sending her skyward with my impact. She lands and starts sprinting around the perimeter of the trampoline, bouncing left and right as she goes, and yelling like something out of a horror film. She sounds human, and angry.

Greyson enters the trampoline through Cody’s side. He catches hold of one of Jenny’s horns when she attempts to dart past him. He places an arm around her chest and holds her next to himself without lifting her. Then he carefully guides her to the edge of the trampoline where Cody’s standing. Cody reaches up, and in one movement grabs Jenny and quickly sets her close enough to the ground that she lands on her feet when she bolts away. She starts springing around the yard, bleating and baaing in a celebration mixed with some frantic snorting.

I lay back on the trampoline, staring at the sky.

Greyson leans over me. “Goat bruises?”

“Only to my ego,” I admit.

He offers me a hand. “Those are the worst. You want to update dispatch or should I?”

“I’ve got it.”

I click my mic again. “Dispatch, goat has been successfully extracted from trampoline. No injuries. Crew returning to station. Rookie humiliated, but otherwise ready for service.”

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