Page 46 of Planning on Happily Ever After

Everyone always left, and Holly would too. It wouldn’t be her fault, never her fault, but his entirely. Ben’s attitude would eventually grate on her optimism, and he would continue to push her away like he had with everyone else, and he would hurt her feelings, just like he had in that moment. Relationships never worked out.Wasn’t that what life had taught him?And his mom had provided yet another example. He should have known better.

Ben’s anxiety continued to spiral out of control until he felt almost panicked. When his eyes darted to Holly’s, he saw nothing but concern shining back at him from the bright blue pools, but he continued to travel down a dark path where nothing would ever work between them.Would it be better to try and keep things going with her for as long as he could? Or should he just end things now to save them both the trouble?

Either path would hurt like hell, the thought of losing that future he had dreamed about a couple of weeks ago like a hot knife slicing through his chest, but Ben could survive it. He would survive the greatest pain of his life if it meant he didn’t have to watch her walk away from him.

Steeling himself, Ben hardly spared her a glance as he said the words that would ruin them forever. “I think you should go, Holly.”

Ben looked down at his trembling fingers, unsure of what to do with them. Suddenly, two soft hands surrounded his and squeezed them tightly. Holly stared at him, fierce determination causing her irises to look like twin blue flames.

“No.”

Ben’s brow furrowed at the firm tone in her voice. “You should go,” he repeated, though the force of his words weren’t as strong this time.

Holly laced their fingers together and shook her head. “No.” She moved closer until her knees were bracketing his, her eyes narrowing as she looked deeply into his own. “I know what you’re doing, and it won’t work with me.”

Ben shook his head, slightly taken aback by her words. “I’m just doing what’s best for both of us.”

She looked at him with a deadpan expression. “No, you’re trying to push me away, and it won’t work.”

The panic that had filled his chest formed a rock that clogged his throat. “You’ll leave eventually. They all do,” he managed to choke out. “I’m saving you the trouble.”

Holly brought his hands up to her mouth and kissed them before she cupped his face and drew him closer, searching his gaze. “I love you, Ben, so I’m not leaving you. Ever.” Ben tried to shake his head no, but she held it firmly in her hands and repeated herself. “I love you, and I’m not leaving.”

Ben sniffled and felt tears well up in his eyes. He hadn’t cried since he was eleven and broke his arm, and even the pain of that seemed insignificant to the overwhelming emotions he was experiencing at the moment. When he tracked a tear spilling down Holly’s cheek as well, he finally let his go.

“I love you, Ben. I have for a while, and I should have told you earlier, but I thought it would scare you off. I know you love me too, and that’s why you’re afraid, but I’m not leaving. You can’t make me,” she said authoritatively.

A watery laugh broke loose from his chest, and more tears escaped, most of them happy. Holly swiped them away with her thumbs and he reached up to grab her wrists, stroking the insides to calm himself. The feel of her skin under his and her strong pulse as he moved his thumbs back and forth helped him to regulate his breathing.

“I do love you.” Ben leaned in and brushed his lips against hers, enjoying the feel of her smile against his mouth.

“Good, because this could have gotten super awkward if you didn’t,” she teased.

He chuckled as he sniffed his nose and took a deep breath, pulling Holly into his lap and hugging her tightly to his chest. He swayed her back and forth for the next ten minutes as the rest of the anxiety seeped from his body.

Holding her closely helped, as did her words, but he knew he would need more than that if they were going to make this work. “I’m so sorry, Holly. I’m pretty screwed up, and I can’t promise I won’t try to push you away again.”

She rested her head against his, their fingers tangling together. “You’re not screwed up, and if you try to push me away again, I’ll just keep pushing back,” she said as though she was already prepared for that eventuality.

Ben thought for a moment. “Maybe I should talk to someone about my anxiety issues. It might help to see a therapist again.” It certainly couldn’t hurt, and if he wanted to keep Holly forever, he needed to make sure he was doing everything he could to keep his worries in check.

“I think it could, too,” she said before leaning over and kissing his cheek. “I’m proud of you, you know. It takes a lot to admit when we might need some help.”

Ben smiled at her. “Well, I had this really great dream the other night, and I kind of want to make it a reality if I can.”

Her brow furrowed in confusion. “What dream was this?”

“I’ll tell you about it another time.” Ben kissed the tip of her nose and settled back on the couch. “I love you, sunshine. Thank you for not giving up on me.”

“I love you, too, and I’ll never give up on you,” she promised.

Afternoon became evening as they made more promises to one another and shared the love that they felt. Ben knew his anxiety could come back at any moment and cause more problems, but with Holly at his side, he at least had an ally. Ben had the strong feeling that she wouldn’t go down without a fight, and now, neither would he.

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