Page 20 of Planning on Happily Ever After

Ben sighed and looked into her eyes, her impassive expression an admirable attempt at looking tough, but there was a hint of vulnerability underneath. It was in the hopeful gleam in her eyes, barely noticeable unless you had been staring into them as often as Ben had, and the slight downturn of her mouth, one that should only ever be smiling. Even though he didn’t want to scare her off, he couldn’t bear to see her hurting either, even infinitesimally. Summoning the same bravery that he’d used to sign himself up for happy hour at work, he ran his fingers through his hair and watched as Holly’s eyes dimmed the longer he stayed silent. It was time to put his cards on the table.

“It’s neither actually, but I don’t exactly put myself out there a lot. You may have noticed I tend to be a little closed off.” Ben offered up a small smile, hoping his first foray into expressing feelings to a woman didn’t go horribly awry.

“I may have noticed a little of that, yes.” She rewarded his honesty with a smile, giving him the push he needed to keep going.

Nervous as hell but unable to stop himself, Ben reached over and grabbed one of her hands, meeting her gaze that held a multitude of questions.Here goes nothing. “Well, since I like to keep my feelings close to the chest, the thought of that guy picking up on what I feel for you so easily threw me off a bit.”

The fingers of her free hand played at the base of her neck as she swallowed thickly. “W-what do you feel?” she asked, her voice shaking like one of the leaves on the tree outside that had held on precariously all through winter.

Ben lifted a shoulder, still unable to put it into words because frankly, he hadn’t felt it before. “I don’t know exactly.” He huffed a breath, growing impatient with his own ineptitude. “I just know I like being around you.”

Holly opened her mouth to reply, but before she could start, Chef Mike reappeared with a tray full of food, startling the two of them into releasing their joined hands. “Alright, here we have the first course choices: shrimp and grits, deviled eggs, and fried oysters.” He gestured to each one as he described the bite sized versions of classic southern dishes that looked more elevated in presentation and ingredients. “Enjoy.” With a wink, he headed straight back into the kitchen.

“We should probably try these while they’re fresh.” She nabbed a bit of shrimp and grits for herself, stuffing it into her mouth before he even grabbed his fork. Holly moaned, the sound far too appealing and Ben had to try and adjust himself inconspicuously before taking his own bite, though his groans joined in with hers the second the food hit his tongue. The grits were smooth and buttery, and the shrimp was perfectly cooked and seasoned. When he looked up at Holly, she had a rapt expression on her face and her fork was dangling from her hand. “So...” she started, her voice husky. “I guess you like that one, too?”

Ben smirked, pleased at the possibility that he affected her just as much as she did him. “It was delicious.” He could have been talking about the dish or the way she ate it, but as they seemed to still be dancing around what they wanted to be to one another, he merely gestured to the other two plates with his fork. “Should we try the others?”

“Sure.” Holly dove into the deviled eggs with gusto. If she needed more time to process his admission, he wanted to give it to her, especially knowing he would likely need the same grace from her. After finishing all three dishes, they discussed the pros and cons of each one and decided that the two seafood offerings were the best. Holly wiped her mouth with a napkin before placing it back in her lap. “Your mom mentioned that she likes seafood, so I think she’ll be happy with our choices.”

Ben nodded, not particularly interested in discussing his mom’s food preferences, but that was why they were there and from the corner of his eye, he spotted Chef Mike with three more plates. These had substantially more food on them and Ben hoped that meant he and Holly would have more time to revisit their earlier topic. The food was delicious, but Ben was anxious to hear what she thought without interruption. As the previous course was cleared and new plates were placed on the table, Chef Mike described the fried chicken, steak, and braised pork with mango before finally disappearing into the kitchen once again.

Holly gazed at the offerings before deferring to Ben. “What should we go with first?”

After a deep breath and quick summoning of courage, Ben responded with the truth. “How about we start with the pork while you tell me what you were going to say before we were interrupted?” An attractive shade of pink spread across Holly’s cheeks as she nodded and cut into the pork.

She took a small bite and chewed thoughtfully, obviously stalling, but Ben could be patient, sensing that for Holly, he could be anything. By the time she had finally swallowed her bite and washed it down with some water, Ben had already finished off a few bites himself. He’d tasted next to nothing, so focused on watching the woman in front of him that he could have been eating the sole of a shoe and not noticed.

“What I was going to say, is that I like being around you too, quite a bit actually.” She looked up at the ceiling and whispered something to herself, his heart buoying at both what she’d just told him and the fact that perhaps she gave herself the same small pep talks he often did. “The thing is though, I’ve put a lot of pressure on dating in the past, and it hasn’t really worked out in my favor, obviously. I guess I’m just a little afraid that the same thing will happen again, and I don’t want it to because I really like you.”

Ben really liked her too, but her fears were valid and he wanted to address them before they went any further. Reaching across the table, he held her hand again and offered her a warm smile. “I really like you too, and I understand this is scary, probably more than you realize.” He gripped her hand tighter as he spoke the next words, hoping to assuage both of their fears. “That being said, we seem like two reasonably intelligent adults. I think we can probably figure out a way to do this without screwing things up right away.”

The melodic sound of her laughter hit his ears like a song, one he wanted to hear over and over again. “You would think so,” she replied, but just as easily as she’d jested, her expression turned serious again. “What did you mean by understanding it more than I realize?”

“Oh, that?” He chuckled humorlessly, wondering if she would call him out on that, but not unhappy that she had. If they were going to make an attempt to explore their mutual attraction, she should know what a mess he was. He grabbed a fork with his free hand and gestured to the steak and chicken. “I’m going to need more food in my belly before I divulge all my issues.”

Holly nodded, her expression lightening as they ate a few bites off of each plate and he gathered his thoughts together. How do you tell the person you are interested in that you are an anxious mess who doesn’t quite know how to talk to others and thinks that every relationship is doomed to fail? Ben briefly considered just forgetting the whole thing and letting her go after someone with a lot less baggage, but as he looked across the table at her cheerful face and bright eyes, he knew he wouldn’t be doing the admirable thing.

Ben dropped his fork for a moment and squeezed her hand one last time before letting it go, the fidgetiness that always accompanied his anxiety rushing in.Where was Pac-Man when he was needed?Without his trusty stress ball, he opened and closed both hands into fists underneath the table and did his box breathing, looking over at Holly’s concerned face. He tried to smile reassuringly, but he wasn’t sure if he actually pulled it off.

Ben stalled for another moment before ripping off the bandage. “So, you mentioned putting a lot of pressure on dating. Well, I have kind of done the opposite. I don’t really date. I tried it once in college, and the girl I was with lasted about two weeks before she was sick of my anxiety and cynicism when it came to just about everything. It probably doesn’t help that my mom has had a revolving door of boyfriends since I was in kindergarten.” He sighed, the truth seeming uglier the longer he spoke it. Was he dooming himself? Maybe, but at least he was actually trying this time. “I just haven’t thought relationships are something that are built to last, no matter how much the two people involved want it.”

Holly frowned and bowed her head slightly, but not enough to hide the dejected look on her face. “Oh,” she whispered. Ben could see the wheels turning in her head and he wanted to reassure her before she decided he wasn’t worth wasting her time.

Leaning over, he touched her arm lightly to get her attention. “I’m trying to change, though.” He wouldn’t get into his job and how he was trying to be more personable with his team, at least not yet anyway. Ben wanted tonight to be about the two of them.

Holly was silent for another moment and each second that ticked by seemed to last an eternity. She was probably trying to find the words to let him down gently, and all Ben could do was wait for the axe to drop. It wouldn’t surprise him, but it would hurt. Before he could spiral any further, she took the hand that was on her arm and grabbed it with her own, threading their fingers together. Ben looked from their joined hands up to her face and saw a hopeful smile there, erasing his worries, even if only for a moment.

“I think that if we take things slowly, one day at a time, then maybe we’ll have a better chance of this lasting long enough to see if we really have something.” She bit her bottom lip nervously and he wanted to sink his teeth in it right alongside hers, but one look at her innocent face told him she wasn’t teasing or playing coy, so he stowed away his desires for another time. “What do you think?”

Ben smiled and he watched as her eyes lit up with joy. “I think that’s a great idea.” He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it, having seen the gesture in enough romance movies to think it was a good idea. By the returning blush on Holly’s cheeks, it had been. “Since you have felt pressured in the past, and I have next to no experience dating, we could stick to getting together for these wedding planning sessions at first. I think we’ll both feel more comfortable if we’re getting to know one another without it being labeled a date.”

Holly grinned. “I like that idea.” Big blue eyes peered up at him through her dark lashes. “Can we text and chat, too?”

“Of course.” Ben was already well versed in texting, and the knowledge that he would be in his comfort zone as he got to know her better had him grinning like a fool. “I would really like that.”

“Me, too.” With the big question of the day answered, their conversation refocused on the food as they finished the main course options and the cheese plate Chef Mike had brought out in lieu of a dessert. Holly’s sister was going to set up a tasting for a wedding cake, so the caterers were off the hook for that.

After finishing up the tasting and putting his mom’s food order in, Ben helped Holly into her coat, letting his fingers linger on her shoulders just a shade longer than necessary. They stood in the entryway to the building and stared at one another before glancing out the window. A light snow had continued to fall while they dined, and it looked even colder outside than it had been just ninety minutes prior. Holly reached into her purse and pulled out her keys, the innocuous move setting off a lightbulb over his head.

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