I glanced back at an amused Puck with Eli perched on his hip.
“Probably,” I agreed.
“I think you might need a ride on something a little more exciting.” He opened the gate to let off the swarm of exiting children.
My laugh came quick. “Darlin, the one thing I am too old for…is you.”
If only by a few years, but I’d lived a lifetime in that span. I climbed on and he winked. “This one’s on me, old lady.”
I did as I said I would, crammed into the little seat behind the dragon’s head, tossed my hands up, and never held on. When the ride was over, I stood in the seat and waved Eli over.
To my surprise, he jumped from his dad’s arms and charged up the ramp, his little face screwed tight in determination. Puck ripped off a strip of tickets and handed it to the guy.
I’d been this kid before, so scared of the unknown. I tucked him close to my side and held him as the dragon sped off over the rickety track. By the second turn, Eli’s exhilarated shrieks were a balm on my raw soul.
“Dad, Dad, did you see me?” His little steps rattled down the ramp. He flailed his little arms the whole way to Puck.
I followed at a slower pace, letting them have their moment, proud of my part in giving it to them. Puck swung Eli into the air as he chattered on about the dragon.
“Can I do it again?” he asked, his eyes big.
“Sure.” Puck set him down and ripped off tickets, handing them over to me with a grin.
We rode together twice more, before Eli decided he wanted to ride on his own. I followed him up the ramp, made sure he was holding onto the little bar in front of him, and passed his tickets to the teenage flirt.
“Definitely a milf.” He sighed longingly.
I blinked, shocked, and laughed. “No. Actually…just no.”
Eli wasn’t mine. Hell, I’d barely been more than that kid’s age when he was born. But he definitely wasn’t mine. Did I love him? Yes. Would I fight for him? Of course. But I was just the babysitter.
Puck was eying me as I walked back, still befuddled.
“What did he say?” he asked, lifting one eyebrow.
“You really don’t want to know.” But I stood beside him, arms across my chest, and watched Eli ride the dragon coaster like a big boy—face beaming. Letting go just once to flash us a quick wave.
“Thanks for today,” I said, after several seconds of quiet. Avoiding the conversation about the carny thinking I was Eli’s mom. “I needed it.”
“Us too.” Puck tossed his arm around my shoulder. Any other time, I’d have bumped my hip against him and slip away.
This time I stayed, leaning against him, as all around us children shouted in delight. “You’re a good dad.”
He snorted. “Nah, but I try.”
“No, really, you are. Trust me, when it comes to shitty parents, I’m an expert.” I tilted my head up at him. “I don’t think you ever knew my mom, but Eli and I have that part in common. What I didn’t have was you.”
His face was serious. “You have me now.”
That simple statement rocked me, so much so that I stepped back, all the sights and sounds suddenly too bright and too much. Eli was there, his solo ride over, bouncing beside us with pride. I grounded myself in his happiness, fought back the tears, let him take me by the hand, and lead me into the crowd to where families gathered at the festival part of this shindig.
I glanced back, and Puck was right there, watching us with a half-smile and bright eyes.
It’s funny how we never realize we’ve had a giant hole in our heart until someone starts to fill it. Or in my case, two someones.
Needing time to catch my breath and remind myself they weren’t mine to keep, I turned back to him. “I’m going to grab a soda. Want anything?”
Something dark and sexy flashed in his gray eyes before he grinned. “Nah, not from here, but behave. I don’t need you getting me into trouble.”