Page 119 of Sapphire Spring

“That you were gay?”

Naser nodded.

“Why?”

“There was this night when I was, like…I don’t know, twelve,I think. Dad was showing me pictures of the mirrored mosque in Shiraz andsaying how he wanted to take me there. And then you took him into the kitchenand…I heard what you said.”

For a second, he thought his mother might play dumb or thatshe didn’t remember the incident. Then, eyes glazed and vacant looking, sherose to her feet and turned from him, as if it were too painful to lookdirectly at her son while she recalled the night in question. She bracedherself against the kitchen counter, struggling for breath.

Had Naser taken their new honesty too far?

Did he have the right, given he was staying tight lippedabout Mason?

“I didn’t know this.” She sounded breathless, exhausted. “Ididn’t know you heard us.”

In the silence that followed, his mother drank the last ofher wine in several swallows.

“I’m sorry to bring it up, Mom. I’m just… I’ve always hatedthat I was the reason we couldn’t go back.”

“You weren’t. I was.” His mother stared down into her nowempty glass. “You were my excuse. I used you. Your father…” She went to takeanother drink, realized the glass was empty, then set it down so firmly Naser madea mental note to check it for cracks later. “Your father had a gift. He couldalways see what he wanted to see in everything. And I knew if we went back, forhim it would be like nothing had changed. He would see only what he had lovedthat was still there. But for me, I would only see what was lost. Andsowhat you heard that night was me denying him something hewanted because I did not know how little time I had left with him. That youwould take this on yourself breaks my heart.”

“Mom…” Naser rose to his feet and closed the distancebetween them, and when he slid his arms around his mother’s waist, she crumpledinto him.

After a minute of wilting, she pulled back, cupping his facein her hands. “This is my only fear for you, Naser. My only one. I fear that Idid not work hard enough to hide my grief from you, and you saw how badly I washurt by losing your father. And you are afraid of being hurt yourself likethis, and that is why you are alone today.”

He’d never heard her say these words, or anything to theireffect, and he needed a minute to process this revelation. The idea was so newto him, he wasn’t sure if it was true. He certainly didn’t want to dismiss itout of hand. He feared doing so might shut his mother down, wall off thishonesty from him forever.

“I’m possibly single, Mom. Not alone. There’s a difference.”

“That’s not what it’s about. It’s about being able to lovesomething you won’t be able to keep forever. This was your father’s gift. Thathe could love so much without fear. He loved you, Naser-joon.We did not carry you and your sister across the sea as dreams to let you go becauseyou were different. But I used the fact that you were different to get out ofdoing something I did not want to do, and this is my shame.”

“I absolve you of this shame.”

She ran her hands through his hair and kissed him on bothcheeks. “For this, I love you, Naser. But in the end, a mother absolves herselfor no one does.”

For a while, he held her, then he steered her to a chair.

The conversation flowed more easily after that. She let himtake a quick shower, and then they were off to lunch, and the air between themfelt more relaxed than it had been in years.

Hours later, after he’d chauffeured her home in her own carand taken an Uber back home, he slipped through the front door of his housefeeling more relaxed and at ease than he had in days. Then he realized thatsomehow, he’d managed to get through the entire day with his mother withoutgiving her the name of the man he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to let goof anytime soon.

32

At night, Pine Rise was dark as atomb, so as Mason followed Tony into the man’s office in the administrativecabin, the only lights outside came from the dim flicker of the smoldering firepit in the center of the clearing and some floating squares of warm gold thatmarked the windows of the residential cabins beyond.

“All right,” the counselor said. “Ready to dive in or youwant to check in with me first?”

“Hitchhiking to Mexico isn’t an option?”

“Always, but it won’t change the terms of our deal.”

With a grunt, Mason sank into Tony’s empty desk chair andstared at the corded phone on the guy’s desk as if it might bite him if hereached for it too fast.

The Family Week portion of the program happened after a residentcompleted two weeks. It was several days of workshops and group activitiesdesigned to restore and improve communications with their loved ones uponrelease. They were all required to invite at least one relative.

Mason was dying to invite Naser. But after listening to mostof Mason’s life story, Tony had decided PeteWortherwas a better candidate, despite Mason’s six hundred or so reminders that hisfather was an angry, verbally abusive bully. Better to deal with a guy likethat in a structured environment where immediate support was available, Tonyhad countered. And by immediate support, he meant a trained staff ready to kickPete’s ass off the property if he broke the rules.

Despite Shirley’s exhortation to say yes where he wanted tosay no, Mason had proposed a compromise. If his dad rejected the invitation, hecould immediately invite Naser. Tony had agreed, and the deal had been struck.

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