Page 62 of Playing with Forever

“Andrea. Do you have any idea how lucky you were?” Chase’s gaze held mine, and he looked genuinely distraught. “If you hadn’t woken up for that water, you could be dead right now.”

He sounded shaken. Like he’d seen a ghost, and maybe he had. Maybe it had been mine. “And do you want to know why I woke up in the first place?” I asked, swallowing past the sudden lump in my throat. “I had a nightmare. About you. I dreamed you were sinking,” I whispered, feeling the hot sting of tears in my eyes as I remembered the vision. “I couldn’t pull you out, because you wouldn’t let me. I couldn’t save you. You chose to just… get swallowed up.”

He flinched, and for a second I saw it—his soul stripped bare. He appeared to struggle internally with something, his jaw clenched and his eyes clouded over with memories. When his gaze finally came back into focus, his expression was somber.

“The police are going to go,” he said quietly. “Why don’t we make some coffee. I want to tell you something.”

I hesitated, but the vulnerability on his face wasn’t something I’d ever seen from him before and it softened my anger toward him. I wasn’t ready to forgive him for pushing me out of his life, but I could sense that this was important to him, and I needed to hear what he had to say.

With statements given and evidence taken, the police finally cleared out, and the poor guy assigned to watch me went home for the night. I brewed coffee, and Chase and I settled down on the couch.

He was silent for a long moment, leaning forward, hands clasped between his widespread legs, his gaze on the floor. He seemed to be trying to figure out what to say and I waited patiently for him to speak.

“I have these nightmares,” he finally said quietly. “It’s always the same and they always feel real to me. I have a lot of shit that I carry from my time in the military. An assignment that went sideways, losing people I cared about because I couldn’t control the fact that we’d been given bad intel. These soldiers were my responsibility, and they died.”

My throat tightened, and I reached out and grabbed one of his hands. Much to my relief he didn’t pull away, just laced our fingers together tighter.

“I’ve gone to therapy for my PTSD but… I don’t know, I still feel pretty fucked up.” He exhaled a long breath and met my gaze. “And these nightmares I have…there have been times when I’ve woken up with my hands around a pillow, because in my dream I was choking out an enemy, and the possibility of me doing something like that to you scares the shit out of me.”

It was hard to hear what he was saying, but I sat beside him, silent, letting him finish while I listened.

“All I wanted to do was protect you from me,” he continued. “I thought I was doing the right thing, that if I pushed you away now, it would hurt less than if I let you all the way in and failed you later. The thought of ever hurting you, Andrea…” He shook his head and shuddered.

I’d never heard him sound like this, like the emotion was choking him. It made my heart, my lungs, my very bones ache.

I gently disentangled our hands so that I could move over, climbing right into Chase’s lap and looping my arms around his shoulders, holding him tightly. He stiffened at first, startled, then slowly, achingly, he relaxed against me. His arms locked around my waist, his face pressing into my throat like he needed the contact just to breathe.

“I thought I could do this alone,” he whispered against my neck. “I thought Ihadto…until you.”

“You’re not alone, Chase.” I took his face in my hands, needing to look into his eyes. “You have me and I’m not going anywhere. But you need to stop pushing me away, because I’m going to keep coming back, until you finally see what I already know. You’re not broken. You’re just a man who’s been through hell. And I’ll walk through it with you, in any way you need, if you let me.”

“It’s effort, Andrea,” he said gruffly. “I’m not going to pretend it isn’t going to take work.”

“And you’re worth that effort, Chase.” I said, meaning it. “You are worth it, tome. I promise. Yes, you are my dom, you are in charge when we’re playing, but that’s not what I want our relationship to be all the time. I want us to be equal. You take good care of me, so let me take good care of you. Let me be there for you.”

Chase tightened his grip on me, then kissed me again, but this time it wasn’t desperate, it was reverent and sweet. Like he was finally coming up for air and choosing to believe that he could truly have it all.

“Take me back to your place, Chase,” I murmured against his lips.

“I won’t let you leave again, if I do,” Chase warned me, but he was grinning now. “I don’t plan on letting you go ever again.”

“That sounds good to me,” I whispered. I kissed his cheek, and pressed our foreheads together.

We stayed like that, holding each other for a long, long time.

CHAPTER25

Chase

After we finished just embracing and slowly breathing together, I took Andrea back to my condo, where she belonged. By that time it was pre-dawn, so I made her call in sick to work so she could sleep in.

Having Andrea back in my place made it seem that much more like home. And, knowing she was safe with me was an added bonus. Her stalker was still out there, clearly getting bolder, and my only priority was finding the person responsible for all these threats.

We were both too exhausted to talk when we arrived. We just passed out in bed together. I slept deeply, no dreams, but feeling the weight of her in my arms even when unconscious, I was secure in the knowledge that she was exactly where she belonged.

The next day we moved some of her things back over to my place. I didn’t officially tell her that she was going to move in with me on a more permanent basis than just the stalker situation, but I was pretty sure there wasn’t going to be an argument when it happened.

I figured I’d wait a couple weeks before I started asking her what paint colors she’d like for the walls or when she’d like to move her art prints over. Actually, I was excited to buy her proper original art pieces of her own. Vegas always had some kind of art show going on, and I was in the mood to spoil her. Especially knowing that Andrea had endured such financial insecurity. I wanted her to know that I could get her not just anything she needed, but anything she wanted.

---