Page 90 of Second Round

“Who’s thehorse?”

“One of Marco’s friends. Apparently he saw you at my parents’ anniversary party, and he thinksyou’recute.”

“No. Notinterested.”

Maybe I was afraid of getting hurt again, or maybe I still thought way too much about Leo at night. I longed to feel the strength of his arms around me again. I missed his confidence and certainty. Still, that was the problem—he was also certain that he didn’t need a real relationship. What would it be like to be so sure ofyourself?

“Look, it’ll be a nice dinner. Gina is a good cook. And there will be a bunch of people there, so it’s not one of those obvious fix-ups. If you don’t like him, you don’t even have to talktohim.”

I wasn’t going to like him. How creepy was it when someone had noticed you, and you didn’t even know who he was? “I can remember you telling Marco not to fix me up with his poker buddies. Why thechange?”

“Fuck, I don’t know. I guess I’m worried about you. You seem okay on the outside, but your insides aren’t reallyhappy.”

“Like a blissful bladder? Happiness isoverrated.”

“Okay, that really doesn’t sound like you. You’re usually all sunshine, lollipops, andrainbows.”

But it was reality. I had a ton of things to be grateful for. Hannah and Tristan had both eased into their new school with barely a ripple. They had new friends, the teachers were great, and I had met some nice parents too. I had the rental house fixed up the way I liked it. Brent’s alimony payments meant that I could manage my part-time jobs and be there when the kids got home. So I was content. Maybe content wasn’t the same as happy, but I couldn’t expect fireworks allthetime.

“You were the one who complimented me on waiting for a decent guy instead of going out with anyone who asked,” I said. “I’m going to find someone in myownway.”

“Your own way? The odds of running into another naked guy at work are pretty fucking low. You at least havetotry.”

I shook my head. Right now, I didn’t want to go out with anyone who wasn’t a French-Canadian coach of a localAHLteam.

Sharon growled. “Okay, here’s your choice: either come to the bbq tonight or sign up for onlinedating.”

What kind of horrible choicewasthat?

“Jackie.”Marco wrapped me in a bear hug. “Great that youcouldcome.”

“Thanks for having me,” I replied, instead of the truth:Your sister forced me to be here.As my little rebellion, I hadn’t bothered to fix myself up at all. I was wearing jeans, a white shirt, and zero jewellery. I didn’t look unattractive, but I certainly hadn’ttriedhard.

Marco’s girlfriend Gina hugged me too. “Jackie, it’s been so long. Come on in, and I’ll get you adrink.”

We went into the massive kitchen, and I recalled the conversation I’d had with Sharon about why Gina and Marco had never gotten married. Was this what happened if you never had the conversation about what you really wanted? You got to keep playing house. Was Gina happy? She’d never been married or had kids, and now it was probably too late. Was it enough to be Marco’s girlfriend and not even hisfiancée?

Maybe I did the right thing by telling Leo how I felt. I had agonized over my big mouth for so long. But it would have been much, much worse to pretend I didn’t love him just to maintain some kind of relationship. To have to make love to someone and never have moments of true tenderness afterwards would be torture. I had a rush of relief. I’d been honest, and that was the right thingtodo.

“What are you smiling about?” Gina asked. She handed me a wine cooler. I felt a little sorry for her. She shouldn’t have been such a doormat withMarco.

“Oh nothing,” I said. But it was something. Ironically, coming here made me happier for a completely different reason. We went out to the backyard where a raucous game of bocce was going on. It was only men playing, something that Sharon was already complainingabout.

As I chatted with Gina, I noticed a man staring at me. He was big and beefy, with gold chains gleaming in his dark chest hair. And I could see this because his shirt was unbuttoned nearly down to his navel. He flashed me a grin and then a slow wink.Damn it, Sharon!This was someone you thought could make mehappy?

“Hey, Gina, you got some food over there?” he called out, and then he started walkingtowardsus.

Instinctively, I backed away, only to step on the toes of someonebehindme.

“Ouch,” said a low voice. I turned around to see a tall man with reddish brown hair and tortoiseshell-rimmedglasses.

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” I looked over my shoulder and Mr. Goldchains was still advancing. “Could you do me a big favour and pretend youknowme?”

“Well, uh, sure.” He agreed, then raised a puzzled eyebrow. “How am I supposed todothat?”

“I don’t know. We could talk and laugh, you know, like old buddies.” I smiled up at him and put a hand onhisarm.

“Ha, ha, ha.” His chuckle was totally forced, and we both laughed inresponse.

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