Page 87 of Second Round

Mao sauntered in at that moment, and Charlotte ran over and hugged him. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. “PoorMao.”

“Okay, I’ll figure something out. Don’t cry, please.” I stroked her hair. It was wrong to give in when she cried, but her tears broke open something deep inside me at a time when I was already feelingvulnerable.

I’d hardly slept last night. I kept seeing Jackie’s face—tearful, twisted with pain—all because of me. I tried to comfort myself with my usual rationalization: no commitments were the rules going in. But things had been different right from the moment I met her. And it wasn’t only how attracted we were to each other. We meshed together in so many ways. It was easy to relax with her and easy to confide in her. And I liked taking care of her, being a comfort to her. That’s why seeing her in pain and being unable to do anything cut like aknife.

It was my fault. I knew from the moment I saw her how easily she would get attached. I should have kept my distance. Or not gone out with her once I understood her nature. But I couldn’t resist. The way she put her heart and her vulnerabilities right out there was appealing to me. We were sodifferent.

Even her brokenness had been appealing. Maybe I should be congratulating myself. I had pushed her to be more confident, and now she was confident enough to know that I wasn’t enough for her. She needed someone who could give her a real future. That was exactly what shedeserved.

Mao squirmed away, so Charlotte stood up. Her tears had stopped the moment I promised to keepthecat.

“Okay, go brush your teeth and wash your face,” Itoldher.

There was a knock on the door. At this time in themorning?

“I bet it’s Jackie,” Charlotte exclaimed and ran to open the door. That was exactly who I thought it might be as well, and myspiritsrose.

“Oh hi, Sharon,” my daughter said. “Is Jackiewithyou?”

“Hi, pumpkin. No, she’s not.” Sharon was wearing coveralls and a big smile, which disappeared the moment she saw me. “I need to talk to your dad for amoment.”

“Okay.” Charlotte disappeared into thebathroom.

“Hi Sharon. How’s Jackie?” I kept myvoicelow.

Anger sparked off Sharon. “How the fuck do you think she is? Look, I’m just here to pick up her suitcase.” Sharon crossed her arms. I opened the closet where I had put Jackie’s overnight bag. I had hoped she’d come and get itherself.

Sharon reached into her pocket and pulled out a crumpled envelope. “She wanted me to returnyourkey.”

I nodded. “Okay.Thankyou.”

She rolled the suitcase out the door, but then turned back. “You’re a total piece of shit for hurting her. Jackie’s been through enough crap without something like this—from the first man she trusted sinceBrent.”

“I know. I know.” Sure, I’d reacted automatically when I heard her say the same words other girlfriends had said to me. But the difference this time was how real it all was. When Jackie hurt, I hurt too. Yet I wasn’t ever going to lead her on. I couldn’t give her everything shewanted.

Sharon searched my face. “You’re not the total robot I thought you were. Do you understand exactly what you’relosinghere?”

“I know,” I repeated. Jackie was a million different women all wrapped in one. If I were going to settle down again, she would be exactly what I wanted. But now was notthattime.

“It must be nice to be able to throw away what other people struggle for years to find,” Sharon concluded andthenleft.

Sophie arrivedat our apartment after her workday was done. Charlotte went a little crazy when her mother walked in. She hugged her and insisted on giving her a complete tour of theplace.

“It’s quite nice,” Sophie told me. “Much nicer than your otherplaces.”

“Jackie decorated it,” Charlotte piped up. “That’s why there are colours andartwork.”

“I see,” said Sophie. I wasn’t sure what she thought of Jackie, but it didn’tmatternow.

“It’s her job,” I explained. “That’s howwemet.”

“Interesting,” Sophie replied. “Because it doesn’t look like an interior designer’s work. More like apersonalhome.”

“Yeah, that’s actually her job: furnishing places on a budget. She’s not an interior designer or anything.” It was embarrassing that I didn’t even know what Jackie’s job title was. I had taken her for granted in somanyways.

The three of us headed out for dinner. We drove to a Chinese place that Charlotte loved where we could watch the chef make noodles. It was Hannah’s favourite place, so naturally it was now Charlotte’sfavourite.

Charlotte chattered away about the sea otters we saw today, and Sophie told us about her exciting sailing voyage. I realized it was the first time the three of us had gone out to eat in years. Before there was too much drama and bitterness, and I’d resented the way our marriage had ended. And perhaps she resented how much of the childcare she’d had to bear while I was free to pursue my career. Sophie was always complicated. But now maybe we could move pastallthat.

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