Page 104 of Second Round

“So, it sounds like things are good foryoutoo.”

“They’re not.” His voice was deep and insistent. “That’s exactly what I thought too. Once the season starts, things will be fine. Once the team begins to gel, things will be fine. Once I find out that Charlotte is moving closer, things will be fine. Yet none of these things did itforme.”

He cracked his knuckles. I looked down at those long fingers and remembered the pleasure that his touch broughttome.

“Jackie, I’ve been seeing atherapist.”

“Really?” That was pretty shocking. Leo always seemed like a person who had everything together. Noweaknesses.

“Yeah.” His mouth twisted into a half-smile. “Have you beenbefore?”

“Yes. I went whenBrentleft.”

“Me too, when I split with Sophie. I went because I was having trouble working. I learned ways to cope that made me a better coach.” He gazed off into the distance. “This time, it was a new therapist, but I brought him the same problems. I’m having trouble sleeping and concentrating. Can you help me tune out the distractions and become a bettercoach?”

I waited. I had zero idea what was going tohappennext.

“But instead of telling me how to focus better, he asks me, ‘Do you think perhaps your body is telling you something?’” Leo shook his head. “Typical Vancouver guy, right? Instead of practical advice, he wants to get into my head. So we talked about everything that’s been happening inmylife.”

Leo glanced at me, and I had a feeling that I was something he’ddiscussed.

“How did that go?” I asked. Obviously we had different experiences in therapy. I’d loved being able to unload onDr.Veol.

“Instead of helping me work harder, Edgar suggested that my priorities might be wrong. He talked about having balance in my life and how it could help my coaching by giving me perspective.” Leo’s eyes met mine. “You can say it now ifyouwant.”

“Saywhat?”

“‘I told you so.’ You’re the one who said I needed to open myself up to a fuller life, to take the chance of getting hurt again so that I could experience the good parts of a relationship too. Turns out I could have saved a lot of time and energy if I had listened to you in the firstplace.”

I nodded. This was all so strange and unexpected. Again I got the feeling that my secret, unimagined fantasy was for him to say all these things to me—all these very un-Leo words about caring and emotion. It wasunreal.

He continued, “Yeah, you think I’m so smart, but I’m certainly a dummy about some things. You’re what’s missing in my life. Even if everything else is perfect, I can’t be really happy unless you come back. I’ve missed yousomuch.”

He moved onto the couch beside me, but I backed away. It could not be this easy. “How do I know I can trust you? I’ve been hurting ever since I left your place thatnight.”

“I was too, Jackie. So many times, I thought how easy it would be to call you and beg you tocomeback.”

That was ridiculous. What a waste of time and emotion. I stood up and walked to the window. Outside the wind was whipping leaves into a whirlwind in thestreetlight.

“Why didn’t you then?” I spoke without even turning around. I’d survived without him, but I’d suffered. Was that allunnecessary?

Leo came up behind me but didn’t touch me. I could feel the heat from his body behind me. I longed to lean back into his muscular chest, but I refused to bethatweak.

“Because I’m a stubborn guy. To get to this moment with you, I had to rethink everything I believed about myself: that I was this lone cowboy who rode into town and solved the hockey problems and then moved on. That I didn’t need people or roots because that was the way tothetop.

“Jackie, I knew how much crap you’d been through already. I wasn’t going to ask you to come back until I was certain I could be the man that you needed. Someone you could rely on. Not just for a few months, butforreal.”

I waited, not moving and barelybreathing.

“Maybe it’s presumptuous of me to think that you would still want to get back together. But we were good together. We had something very special. You knew that beforeIdid.”

“It’s not the same anymore,” I told him. “We can’t go right back to wherewewere.”

In the reflection of the window, I saw his eyes widen and his hand rise towards my shoulder and then fall back. “I can’t apologize enough for hurting you, but you should know that I’ve replayed that night a thousand times in my head. How hurt you looked. How helpless I felt because I couldn’t help the one person who had done so much for me. How dark my world became once youweregone.”

He bent his head down, and I could feel the heat of his breath on the back of my neck. That sensation brought back the sensory memory of our intimate time together. Ishivered.

Leo’s voice was hesitant, faltering, so unlike his usual confidence. “I knew the risks from the moment we met. I could tell that you were vulnerable. I knew we shouldn’t go out…” His voice faltered completely into a silence that was filled with tension. “But you pushed your way into my life. I couldn’t resist your sweetness… your generosity. It’s what you do, Jackie, you open up your heart and give yourself to everyone. You’re like a fire that everyone wants to warm themselves around. Even someone as coldasme.”

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