Page 58 of Office of the Lost

With one last longing look at Leo’s mostly-supine form, he got up and followed Minkis to the heavy round door.“Coming!”

“You sure it’s safe?”Leo’s voice sounded uncharacteristically worried.

“You can alwaysChaosthem into a pumpkin, or something.”

Leo laughed.“Why is it always a pumpkin?And hey, we’re usingChaosas a verb now?”

Crispin ignored him and opened the door a crack.Only to find the absolutely last person he ever expected to see again.

22

Leopold

Leopold had planned to advise Crispin to sue Keebler for cultural appropriation—if that was a thing in the… Connected Worlds?Was that how the Mother of Fae had referred to her realm?Crispin’s home looked like something right out of a cookie advertisement, only larger and better.Leopold would have preferred more clutter, maybe a few precarious piles of things here and there, but he liked the place nonetheless.Even better, he enjoyed lying in bed with Crispin stroking his face and kissing him, and he had been hoping things would progress satisfactorily from there… when suddenly the not-cat raised a fuss and someone knocked on the door.

Crispin had simply sighed in response, but Leopold was in absolutely no mood for peopling.Or for ogreing or elfing or anything but alone time with Crispin followed by a long sleep in a good bed.And maybe a shower.He seriously considered zapping whoever it was to somewhere far away.But then a man stepped inside the treehouse, and Leopold reconsidered.

The guy was… godlike was probably the best description Leopold could think of.God as in Greek god, or maybe Thor as played by Chris Hemsworth.Well over six feet tall, with broad shoulders and a bodybuilder physique.Waist-length hair that shone like spun gold, amethyst-colored eyes, and a square chin with a genuine goddamn cleft.He wore what appeared to be an expensive custom suit and pale pink shirt with the top buttons artfully undone.

He was a romance-novel cover come to life, and Leopold was suspicious of him at once.Crispin’s extremely nervous expression didn’t help one bit.

“Uh, Qylzryd, this is, my Leo—um, Leopold Lane.”Crispin managed a weak smile.“Leo, this is Qylzryd Wolfsword.”

They shook hands, and of course Qylzryd’s paw dwarfed Leopold’s hand, and his grip could have compressed iron.“A pleasure to meet you,” he boomed.Ugh, his smile looked like something from a dentist’s billboard.

Crispin was doing a nervous twitching thing.“Um, Qyl?Nice of you to drop by, but we were kind of busy?—”

“I can see that.”Qylzryd waved at Leopold’s bare chest.

What happened to my shirt?Leopold had obviously lost track of some recent details.

“Look, Qyl.Now is not a good time for whatever?—”

The man talked right over him.“Remember that wonderful restaurant we went to?The one that served wild game I hunted myself?Well, yesterday I shot a huge gamjeebeast—probably a record-breaker—and that restaurant is going to have some gorgeous gamjeebeast steaks tonight.Come with me.My treat.”He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Before Leopold could work up an appropriate response—like turning Qylzryd into a pumpkin—Crispin intervened.“Leo, Qyl and I?—”

“Are lovers,” Qylzryd interrupted.

“Werelovers.I mean, barely even….It was a two-night stand.Three years ago.”Crispin narrowed his eyes.“And you weren’t that great.Why are you here?”

Leopold realized he didn’t look very scary, especially shirtless and… god, in his underwear.He wasn’t tall and didn’t have abs of steel.But he was Chaos Personified, dammit, and that should mean something.Like that this ex had better skedaddle, pronto.“We were busy,” Leopold said with what he hoped was a cold glare.“Get lost before I do something you’ll regret.”

“You?”Qylzryd scoffed.He took a step closer, towering over Leopold and bending his arms to flex his biceps.

Okay, not even a pumpkin.Squashhood was too good for this jerk.Leopold was going to turn him into something disgusting, like a hunk of cheese that had been sitting in the back of a refrigerator for a couple of years.Or maybe that weird pinkish slimy stuff that sometimes appeared near the shower drain in one of Leopold’s former apartments.

Before he could make a decision—and he did note that Crispin was doing nothing to deter him—there was another knock at the door.Crispin threw his hands up in annoyance, stomped over, and flung the door open.

This time it was someone Leopold did recognize.Juzir the archosaur rushed inside, almost knocking Crispin over, and threw something that looked like a Super Ball at Leopold.When the object hit Leopold’s chest, it disintegrated into a little puff of sparkly powder.

And suddenly Leopold couldn’t move.Like, at all.Well, his lungs and heart still functioned, which was good, and he could roll his eyes and blink.But otherwise he was as motionless as a marble statue.He couldn’t even make any sound except a slight groan.And when he tried to muster his Chaos powers… zilch.

Crispin gave an angry roar.He ran to Leopold, shouting, and shook him, but all he succeeded in doing was to knock Leopold to the floor.It hurt when Leopold’s shoulder landed, but at least his stiff neck kept his head from conking against the wood.

“What in all seven Dicharthian hells!”Crispin yelled.He tried to get at Juzir, possibly to physically attack him, but Qylzryd stepped between them and kept Crispin away.

“I am really sorry,” said Juzir, peeking out from behind the big man.

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