Page 48 of Office of the Lost
“You definitely were.Crispy, if not for you, I’d have been eaten by moths or kept as a pet by dinosaurs or… or probably a lot of other awful things.But I wasn’t, and I’m here, and I’m alive.And youkissedme.”He couldn’t resist that last reminder.
Crispin lifted his chin.“I did.”Then he sagged a little.“But you saw my brother.He’s more handsome.He’s much more?—”
Leopold snorted.“He’s an asshat.Seriously, Crispy, I spent just a few minutes around him and that was way more than enough.How do you think he would have behaved if he’d been in your shoes?”
“He wouldn’t be,” Crispin scoffed.“He’s not a pencil-pusher.He’s a?—”
“A snotwaffle.And if hedidwork for OotL, what would he have done?”
“Asnotwaffle?”Finally a smile.“That’s a… unique way to describe him.”
“It really fits, though, right?”
“It really does.”For a moment, Crispin frowned as if seriously considering the original question.“If Aspin had my job, he would have abandoned you as soon as he could.And if that wasn’t possible, he would have helped Mother poison you.”
Aha!“Butyoudidn’t.”
Leopold could watch the full realization slowly sink into Crispin’s brain.As it did, Crispin’s back straightened and his eyes brightened until he was—absolutely no lie—a zillion times more beautiful that his dickweed brother.He was, in fact, more gorgeous than any human or mythical creature had ever been—and that included Orlando Bloom as Legolas, which was saying a whole lot.
It was a little unclear who initiated the next kiss.Maybe they both did it at once, which would explain why they bonked their noses together sort of painfully before managing to lock lips.It was a spectacular kiss anyway, and Crispin still tasted sweet.Leopold felt as if fireworks were exploding around them.
“Leo?”Crispin managed a word.
“Yeah?”
“Is something… exploding?”
Oh.There reallywerefireworks exploding around them.The really pretty sparkly ones and the big bright ones that made those satisfyingboomnoises, and the whole room was sort of shaking, clothing and boxes and wrappers sliding and furniture shifting and posters falling off the walls.All very thrilling, Leopold thought, until he realized that Crispin was clutching him more in fear than passion.
“Um, Leo?Could you perhaps tone things down just a bit?”
“I’m not—” Oh.Wait.Hewas.This room was his home, washim, and that meant he controlled everything that happened here.
Grinning wildly, Leopold stopped the pyrotechnics and replaced the fallen posters with giant photographs of windswept beaches—with the big waves actually moving because he could do that and it was pretty darn cool.He took Crispin’s hand and led him to the couch, where they both sat down.A little gingerly on Crispin’s part, so Leopold rolled his eyes and turned the fabric into a modern, stain-free navy polyester.
As Leopold settled in, he noticed that the gray cloud in the corner had expanded.It wasn’t threatening.In fact, it looked soft and comfy, like a giant wad of cotton, and he imagined wrapping himself inside it for a long, cozy nap.Later.For now, he was focused on Crispin, who still seemed a little jumpy.
“Are you hungry?I can find us something to eat, I bet.There’s this Swedish pizza I really like.Well, I dunno if it’s really Swedish, but that’s what they call it.It has bananas and chicken and curry and jalapeños, and it’s amazing.We could have one of those.Or not—we can have whatever you really like.What’s your favorite food?”It occurred to him how little he truly knew about his new friend.
“I’m partial to a fresh-baked loaf of bread and some zoucberries, when they’re in season.”Although Crispin answered the question, he did so a little absently, as if his mind were on something else.
“Sure.We can do that.Maybe if I go poking around in the cupboards….”
Leopold started to get up, but Crispin pulled him down.“In a little while, perhaps.We have important matters to discuss.”
“Like… kissing?”Leopold asked hopefully.That was pretty important.“I can tone down the fireworks if you want.Or you can pick the colors.We can pick them together!That would be fun.”It was sort of like a date activity.Ooh, a date.Maybe he should switch to better mood lighting in this place and add some music.What was good making-out music?He hadn’t really done much dating, per se, and was somewhat at a loss.
Although he hadn’t yet thought of a song, one started up, which surprised him until Crispin pulled Thea from his pocket.“Oh, you’re here too.”Crispin had perked up a bit.
“Wait, I know that song.”Leopold flipped through the dusty playlist in his brain.It was from an old 80s movie about… pilots.“Danger Zone!”he announced triumphantly.“Thea, that’s not really mood music.”
She turned up the volume until Crispin gave her a little pat.“Yes.I understand.Thank you.”Once she was quiet again, he tucked her away before turning to Leopold.“We need totalk, Leo.And not about kissing.”
That was disappointing, but Leopold figured conversation would be nice too.“Sure.We could… ooh!We could share what shapes we see in the gray cloud.That’s kind of romantic, right?”And he pointed at the cloud, which had grown bigger still and sort of resembled a rabbit in a tutu if he tilted his head just right.Except one ear was off.Maybe he should get up and adjust it.
Crispin held him in place, face grave.“I’m afraid I may have left a mess in… other worlds.”
It was hard to concentrate, but Leopold tried because Crispin clearly felt deeply about this.“Yeah, maybe.But no biggie.We’re here, and nothing is going to eat us or try to kill us.We’re safe.”He looked around at the state of his room and knew it was probably nothing like what Crispin was used to.“I can change up the place.Just tell me what you want it to look like.Hell, we can rotate through different themes whenever you want.It’ll be great.We’ll be home.”
