Page 35 of Office of the Lost
Crispy came as close as he could without touching the ward.“What makes you say that?”
“Camels.They died in a freak camel accident.Crispy, that’s not normal.People don’t die that way—at least not in California.But they did, and it’s my fault ‘cause I cause chaos—IamChaos—and everything goes to shit around me.”He was shaking and wasn’t sure whether he wanted to cry or puke.Maybe both.
“Plenty of odd things happen to people without any, er, interference from you,” Crispin said.“I have an ancestor who died when a roc—the bird, I mean—accidentally dropped a rock—a solid collection of minerals—onto his head.”Crispin reached for him, but was stopped by the protective ward.“Even if you did in some way influence their fate, you didn’t do so intentionally or even knowingly.You were a child.You can’t blame yourself.”
Oh yes, I can.And while he was at it, he could feel guilty about all the other disasters that had bloomed in his presence.Thea’s malfunction was undoubtedly his fault, which meant he was responsible for Crispin’s ruined perfecality score and for the fact that they couldn’t reach the Office of the Lost.
“Oh God.I’m evil.”Leopold moaned again and hid his face in his hands.
“Listen to me.”Crispin sounded unusually forceful.“Chaos is not evil, not any more than… oh, fire is evil, or water.Yes, those things can cause damage, but not because they want to—it’s simply due to their nature.And recall what Juzir said: Chaos is also the source of creativity.Without it we’d have no arts, and then wouldn’t the worlds be dull places?”
Leopold felt slightly comforted.Not just by what was being said, but also by the fact that Crispin was the one saying them.He was trying to make Leopold feel better.Crispin, who’d kidnapped him and who was the prissiest, most infuriating creature Leopold had ever met.But who hadn’t abandoned him when things went south.There was also that kiss.
“What are you going to do with me?”Dread sat heavy in Leopold’s stomach.“And why is the… the other Chaos chasing after me?”
“I don’t know.But I expect that my mother can help.”
At some point Leopold got off the chair and curled up on the floor at the edge of the ward, which had expanded to give him a little moving-around space.Soft voices lulled him to sleep.
He woke up covered by a blanket and with a pillow under his head.He wondered how Crispin and Juzir had gotten those items past the defenses.Then he wondered how he’d so easily come to accept desk fae, dinosaur wizards, and magical wards.Maybe that was the upside to being a piece of Chaos—you weren’t too shook up when your world turned deeply weird.
Leopold sat up and then slowly stood and stretched.He was sore.The pillow and blanket had been nice, but the floor was still hard.There was no sign of Juzir, but Crispin was curled up on a lumpy piece of gray furniture filled with weird holes that might have been the dino equivalent of a sofa.Asleep, he looked young and untroubled, all his uptight fussiness gone.
They’d kissed, hadn’t they?Leopold hadn’t imagined it.Possibly due to moth pheromones.Possibly due to Leopold’s chaotic influence.Or possibly because they found each other attractive.Hell, maybe all three.
As if sensing Leopold’s stare, Crispin blinked awake.For just a moment, he smiled brightly.
And thenwham!Out came the tight-faced scowl.“We shouldn’t have slept so long.”
Leopold shrugged.“I dunno what time it is.Pets don’t have watches.”
Crispin rolled his eyes.“You needn’t be so peevish about it.It could be worse.What if archosaurs considered apes tasty, for instance?At any rate, we’ll leave here shortly.”
“To see your mother.”Leopold had gotten the impression that something bad had gone down between Crispin and his mother, but his desk fae—friend?—was being tight-lipped about the whole thing.
“Yes,” said Crispin, shoulders slumped.
Leopold was going to ask how they would achieve this feat, but then Juzir entered with a tray.He was clearly still wary of Leopold and avoided looking at him, but he smiled at Crispin.“Breakfast!”
When had Leopold last eaten?He’d lost track of which world it had been.His stomach growled loudly enough to startle their host.Man, I would sell my soul for a breakfast burrito or a big stack of pancakes.
But wait—soul.Assuming such things existed, did he have one?It didn’t seem as though Chaos would.God, he’d almost forgotten that he wasn’t human.But if he wasn’t human, why was he so damned ravenous?And also why?—
“Breakfast,” said Juzir, frowning at Leopold.Then he muttered something else that Leopold didn’t understand, and two metal bowls appeared on the floor.One of them contained water.The other had something yellowish with green bits; it might have been scrambled eggs with herbs.Or it might not.
Crispin had a regular plate and some kind of cutlery, although he was struggling with it since it had been designed for archosaur hands.Leopold, however, had dog dishes.But he was hungry, so he dug in anyway, muttering to himself about asteroids and extinction events.
Once the food bowl was empty, a new need became urgent.“I have to use the bathroom.”
Juzir wrinkled his nose.“You smell odd but I don’t think you need a bath.”
“I am housebroken, but I won’t be much longer if you don’t get me to a toilet.”
Comprehension dawned on Juzir’s face, but he still didn’t look happy.“I can bring you a… bucket.”
“No.Absolutely not.”Leopold might have only a shred of dignity left, but by golly he was going to hang on to it.He crossed his arms.
Then, to his mild surprise, Crispin intervened.“Juz, let him go.Surely it couldn’t hurt to release the ward for just a few minutes.He’ll do his business and then hurry back, you’ll find a way to whisk us out of here, and we’ll be out of your, erm, scales.”
