Page 12 of Office of the Lost

“It’s a classic tune, Crispy.Tells a true story.See, the band was supposed to make a record, but then some guy burned the building down, and?—”

“I fail to see how this is helpful.”Crispin put his hands on his hips and glared at Leo.

Leopold shrugged.This isn’t my mess.For once he was an innocent bystander simply dragged along for the ride.Anyway, he was totally crappy at fixing disasters, so he’d leave it to Crispin to figure things out.Surely hewouldfigure things out, right?Eventually?

While Crispin continued to grumble at the phone, and just as Leopold was on the brink of an anxiety attack, the giant came ambling out of his house.He was pushing a wheeled wooden cart the size of a semi and whistling happily.Crispin and the phone both went silent, but at least this time Crispin maintained consciousness.

“Oh, good!”the giant boomed.“You’re awake.”

“I….Yes.”Crispin’s voice was tremulous, but he was clearly making an effort to calm himself, and Leopold had to admire that.

“I brewed some of Aunt Brogrog’s famous tea.It’ll cure anything short of death—and even that’s debatable, as long as the corpse is reasonably fresh.A cuppa will set you right as rain.”

And then somehow all three of them were sitting cross-legged on the soft ground, the giant delicately holding a teacup big enough to double as a hot tub, and Leopold and Crispin with much smaller mugs that may have been made from outsized purple acorn caps.The giant had offered them sandwiches too, but they’d declined politely and were instead nibbling on bits of shrubbery.The leaves were very tasty.The tea, on the other hand, had a strong medicinal flavor, but they sipped it politely anyway.

“We’ve missed proper introductions,” announced the giant.“On account of the swooning and all.I’m Fromlith Flokrion.And yes, ofthoseFlokrions, although I come from the poor branch of the family, so don’t expect fanciness around here.Not that I mind the relative lack of wealth.If you ask me, the rich Flokrions are far too stuck-up.They think a few gold-covered, jewel-encrusted mansions in the bogs make them better than everyone else, but they’re not.Now, who are you folks, and how in Glagglorth’s name did you end up tussling with five-footed pleeths at this time of year?”

By now, Crispin had managed to pull himself together.He was sitting straight-backed, his expression earnest.“The creatures simply showed up and attacked us.I don’t know why.”He brushed his chest fur, as if smoothing his missing tweed vest, and then frowned, looking down at the white tufts as if they had personally offended him.“I am Crispin Eladrin Moss’caladin, and I am a Curator with the Office of the Lost.I am currently tasked with collecting this person, whose name is Leo—um, Leopold Lane.But there was apparently some kind of mishap and we ended up here instead.I’m terribly sorry for intruding.”

Fromlith shook his head.“No, no, it’s fine.It’s nice to have some company.I moved here so I could work from home with peace and quiet, but sometimes it’s a littletooquiet.”

Leopold decided not to ask what kind of work a giant engaged in, although hewascurious.

Meanwhile, Crispin was nodding slowly.“That’s very kind of you.I appreciate your hospitality.There are rumors at OotL about your folk, you know, and now I see that those rumors are entirely slanderous.”

“What kind of rumors?”

Crispin shifted uncomfortably.“Erm, about your diet….”

“Oh, you mean that we eat fae?”Fromlith chuckled.

“Yes.Quite untrue I see, and?—”

“Oh, no.We eat you guys all the time.You’re tasty.Aunt Brogrog makes this scrumptious fae stew.She won’t tell anyone what her secret herb blend is, but the meat gets so tender!It’s a Flokrion family tradition to have it on holidays.Well, not the hoity-toity Flokrions.Notfancy enoughfor them, of course.They serve their fae roasted over a spit, with apples stuck between their teeth.”He rolled his eyes.

Crispin had gone pale, which was an interesting phenomenon when seen on a furry face.Leopold wasn’t feeling too secure himself.He considered making a run for it, but with the giant’s long legs, Fromlith would catch him instantly.Maybe a better strategy was to convince their host that there was something wrong with Leopold and that noshing on him would make him sick.Leopold squinted his eyes and tried to imagine how a diseased magic deer thing might act.Was it better to faint, like Crispin had, or to stagger around in circles?

But Fromlith was laughing.“Hey, don’t worry.You’re safe with me.Eating your guests is bad manners, and anyway, I’m vegan.”

“V-vegan?”stuttered Crispin.His hand had taken Leopold’s and was squeezing it vigorously.

“Yeah.Better for my health—I have high cholesterol.Besides, you never know what the fae have been eating before you catch them.My cousin Dlodlos got a bad one once and spent three days puking his guts out, even with the help of my auntie’s tea.”

“I amnottainted!”announced Crispin, clearly offended.

“Yeah, probably not.But you never know.”Fromlith slurped some tea and then set down his cup and rubbed his hands together.“Now then!You were saying something about a mishap?”

Crispin let go of Leopold’s hand and made another effort to pull himself together.Leopold had to give the guy credit—he didn’t give up easily.Unlike Leopold himself, who rarely found anything worth the effort.

“The device I use to transport between worlds is malfunctioning,” explained Crispin.He held up Thea, displaying her cracked screen.

Fromlith squinted at the tiny—for him—device.“Ah.Gotcha.Well, I’d offer you a corner in my cottage since you hardly take up any space, but the truth is that sometimes my relatives come to visit, and I’m not sure I’d trust them around you.My auntie would have you in a pot of boiling water likethat.”He snapped his fingers, a sound like trees being felled, and Crispin emitted a distressed little squeak.

“Yes, well, very kind of you.But I need to return to OotL.Quite urgently, you see.Another reflective surface will likely do.So if I could borrow a mirror?”

“Don’t have one.Sorry.My people don’t cast reflections.”

“I thought that was vampires,” interjected Leopold, who’d mostly remained silent until now.

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