Page 11 of Office of the Lost

Being forgotten in a giant’s pocket didn’t seem like a good fate, not even if Crispin could be annoying as hell.Also, if something bad happened to him, Leopold had no idea how to get home.“I’ve got him.”

The giant shrugged and plodded through the foliage, booming cheerfully about repairs he’d been doing to his cottage roof and about his upcoming vacation to a place Leopold had never heard of and couldn’t pronounce.As best as he could tell, the main attraction of this holiday spot was a waterfall that did erotic dancing after nightfall.

He didn’t even try to picture that.

Just as Leopold’s arms were threatening to give out, the giant led them into a large clearing with boysenberry-hued ground cover and thistle-colored thistles.In the center of the clearing loomed a stone structure roughly the size of the Cathedral of the Blessed Sacrament in downtown Sacramento, but with all the charm of a mud hut.

“I know what you’re thinking,” said the giant.“Oh, this guy’s just hopping on the tiny house bandwagon because he thinks it’s trendy.But that’s not true.I owned my teensy-tiny house long before it was cool.”

“Uh, sure.”Everything was relative.Apparently.

“Well, it’s sort of a mess inside right now, and besides, I don’t think my furniture would be very comfortable for you.How about we take our tea out here in the garden?It’s a beautiful evening.”

“That’s fine.Um, as long as there aren’t any more of those killer rabbit things around.”Leopold gave their surroundings a nervous scan.Then he wondered about giant teacups.Would they be drinking the tea, or swimming in it?

The giant laughed, a sound like cannons firing.“No, of course not.In fact, they should all be hibernating this time of year.It’s weird that you encountered any at all.”

“Yeah.Weird.”He did spy a little motion in one of the trees, and a bushy tail vanished as soon as he looked in its direction.

The giant lumbered into his cottage and Crispin began to stir, twitching his limbs and mumbling something about his perfecality score.Leopold set him gently on the ground and, when Crispin managed to focus his eyes, Leopold offered him a hand up.

“Wh-where…?”Still a little wobbly on his legs, Crispin peered at their surroundings.

“The giant’s cozy little cottage.”As if it was the most usual thing in the world.He was proud of himself for keeping his head, drugged or not.

“Giant.”For a moment Crispin looked as if he might faint again, but then he steadied and narrowed his eyes at Leopold.“It’s all very well foryouto be so blasé about it—you think you’re hallucinating.I, however, am aware that this is really real.”

“I’m sorta coming to that conclusion too.”

Crispin raised a refined eyebrow.“And you’re not panicked about encountering a giant?”

Leopold sighed.“Dude.An elf whisked me away to… I dunno.Another planet?And turned me into a deer thing.And we were attacked by bloodthirsty bunnies.Giants just seem kinda par for the course at this point.”

“Onlyonegiant, I hope.”Crispin cast another uneasy glance around as if he expected several more behemoths to come bursting out of the foliage.“And I did notturn you into a deer thing, and I am a desk fae, not an elf.”

“Whatever.”His new elf—friend?—was one of those types, nitpicking over every little thing.“Look, I’ve had enough adventure for one day.Take me home.”Then they could be done with one another.

Crispin stamped a foot.Well, a hoof.Which was actually sort of cute in a Disneyesque sort of way.“Ican’t.I’ve told you.I must bring you to the Office of the Lost, but I can’t even do that because Thea….”His voice trailed off and he frantically patted his pants pockets.“Thea!Where is my?—”

“I’ve got it.”Leopold pulled the device out of his own jeans pocket and was grateful that he’d at least been able to keep that portion of his outfit.He had no idea how other magical deer creatures carried their stuff if they didn’t have pockets.

Crispin momentarily cradled the phone to his chest but then scowled at the screen, which wasn’t any less cracked than before.A bit of purple moss had worked its way into the phone’s crannies, which probably also wasn’t helping.“Thea?”he said nervously.

Thea whistled, one of thoseleeringwhistles construction workers gave to passersby they found attractive.But it was a very off-key, slurry kind of whistle.

Crispin frowned.He was kind of cute with his face all scrunched up.“Can you please take us back to OotL?Now?”

She made a sound like someone stepping on fractured glass, followed by an obnoxious honking.

“The glass.It’s broken.”Crispin swallowed audibly.“I don’t think I can replace the screen in… this place.Is there perhaps?—”

Thea interrupted him with the sound of very loud guitars.

“What isthat?”Crispin stared at the phone, appalled.

Leopold tilted his head and hummed along for a moment before he remembered the title.Then he laughed.“It’s ‘Smoke on the Water’ by Deep Purple.Very funny, Thea.Perfect band for this place.”

“But—”

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