Page 111 of Unrecognizable Player

Babushka asks the nurse to warm some of her chicken soup up for me and I force myself to eat it to make her happy. But every time the door opens, I know who I hope to see standing there.

When visiting hours are over and my family have to leave, I accept that Stef isn’t coming in to see me. That I scared him away.

I’m about to try and get some sleep when I get a message from Pawlowski.

Stef had a panic attack at the performance. He’s okay. In Queens with his parents. Just thought you’d want to know. Call him man. You both need each other right now. Stop being stubborn.

Fuck.My eyes fill with tears for him. Poor baby. I should be there with him.

I call the nurse and tell her I want to sign myself out.

“It’s late,” she says. “The bed’s paid for the night and you have a serious injury.”

“I’m strapped up, my arm isn’t gonna fall off, someone needs me.”

“Whoever this someone is,” she says, her hands on her hips like she’s about to chew me out. “If they care about you, what they need is for you to rest. You can leave in the morning, with your meds and a surgery plan.”

She’s right. I don’t want her to be, but she is. “Yes Ma’am,” I say, letting her shoo me back into bed.

I call him instead. Like Pawlowski suggested. When the fuck did he become the smart one?

At first, I don’t think he’s gonna answer. My stomach flips with every ring. But then the ringing stops, and there’s his voice, saying my name.

I can’t speak at first. He has to say hello three times before I can reply.

“Stef. Hey. It’s me.”

“I know.” I think I hear a smile in his voice, but I can’t be sure.

“I tried to sign myself out of the hospital, they wouldn’t let me, I have to wait until tomorrow.”

“Why?”

“I need the doctor to sign off on my pain meds and give me a surgery plan or something, I don’t know.”

“No, I mean, why did you try to sign yourself out?”

“Oh, because Mischa said you had a panic attack.”

He’s silent and I think he might have gone. When he speaks again, his voice is little more than a whisper.

“You tried to sign yourself out of the hospital because I had a panic attack?”

“Yeah?”

“Why?”

My heart pounds as I think about him sitting there, stressed and sad. I need to be there with him.

I know what that means. The fact I’d make sacrifices for him. The fact hockey isn’t always my first thought when I wake up in the morning anymore.

“Because you need me and I’m not there.” I swallow, my mouth dry. “And I love you.”

There’s a quiet gasp that makes me smile. My breath hitches as I wait for his response. Was that a good gasp? An I’m-so-glad-you-said-that-because-I-love-you-too gasp? Or a shit-he-told-me-he-loves-me-now-he-wants-me-to-say-it-back gasp?

“Alexei I-”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say it back.”

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