Page 12 of Outside the Lines
I had been. "It's better left for another time." I needed to remember how good Trin was at reading people.
"I'm not so sure about that."
They turned away from me and we continued walking toward the gardens. I was nervous to be on my first date out with Trin. I'd known them for years but just holding their hand made me feel like I'd never been on a date before. Like I'd never been married, was still an awkward virgin, and had no idea how to kiss someone. It amazed me that someone could make me feel like this again. And the best part was that Trin didn't even seem to be trying either. From what I could tell, they weren't doing anything with me that we hadn't always done. Aside from touching each other, we spoke about as much as before. There had been far less awkwardness between us back then.
"How long have you lived with Andy?" I asked as we went into the first of the garden's six greenhouses. This one smelled overwhelmingly of mint. This wasn't part of the night blooming exhibit, but we were going through the whole garden together.
Trin shrugged and ran their fingers over a broad dark green leaf as we walked around the greenhouse. "About two years. He's a good roommate. He starts his testosterone shots next month, which he's excited for, but he also hates needles, so I have no idea how he's going to handle that. I already offered to do them for him if he wants."
I wanted to meet Andy because he was important to Trin, and I hoped that we could get to that point someday. But I wouldn't be pushing for them to take me back to their place anytime soon.
"He's also a bit of a nudist. He calls himself a mild nudist. He likes to sit around in boxers a lot." Trin smiled over at me, and I wondered if they were waiting for me to react somehow. Maybe someone in their life had reacted badly to the news that Trin lived with a trans man who liked to go topless. I wasn't as easy to shake.
"What does he do?"
Trin went back to looking at the flowers. "He's a dog walker. He has most of Denver's best families in his book because their dogs love him. He loves walking around all day and spending time with the dogs since our building doesn't allow them." Trin stopped walking to be able to look back at me. "You've become a lot more relaxed about gender and how different people fit together since I first got to the shelter."
I snorted and shook my head. "I certainly hope so. I was such an idiot that first night. And you were so sweet."
"I was a frightened kid just trying not to get hurt again." Trin's voice had gone soft, and I wondered at the pain there. I didn't know the name on their birth certificate, and I didn't know what had happened to them. I'd been curious, but not enough to ask my questions directly. And now that Trin was back in my life, I wasn't willing to push them into telling me anything now either. As much as I still desperately wanted to know all their secrets.
I kept my voice low too. There was no one else in the greenhouse with us, but there might have been people outside that I couldn't see through the plastic. "I'm glad you trusted us enough to stay."
Trin stopped walking and braced their hip on the edge of one of the displays. "You were never homeless. Were you?"
I shook my head. "I'd been prepared to be, in a way. I had friends lined up that I could crash with if I needed to. But my parents were great about things when I came out. It took them about a year until I could bring a guy home without things being awkward, but it wasn't the disaster it could have been. I'd saved up money from working after school, plus my allowance, and I had a few thousand ready if things did go sideways though. I got to use that money as a down payment on my first car instead. The car I was driving when I first saw you, actually."
"You're lucky."
"I know I was. Do you want to talk about what happened at all? We never did. I'll listen if you're ready." I tried not to sound as curious about their past as I actually was.
Trin gave me a soft, sad smile. "My dad had a friend that wasn't very nice to me. Let's leave it at that for now."
"Of course." And now I had a thousand different questions in my head. How young had they been? Was anything ever done about the man? Were they getting enough help now to deal with what had been done?
"You're practically screaming without saying a word," Trin said as they grinned at me.
I blushed deeply. I hadn't meant to be like that. "I'm sorry."
"It's fine. You can have two questions. But I get to decide if I want to answer them. Any two you want."
I knew what kind of a gift Trin was giving me. But I also saw how scared they were when I looked into their eyes. As much as I wanted to know what was in their past, I decided not to follow my curiosity down what was likely a dark and dangerous hole. "What's your favorite flavor of ice cream, and what do you do on your days off?"
Trin instantly stepped into my arms and I hugged them tightly. When their shoulders began to shake, I kissed the side of their head. "It's okay. It'll be okay," I whispered. I couldn't promise them that but I felt like the words needed to be said as Trin stood there crumbling against me.
"I need to go home," Trin mumbled through their tears a few minutes later.
I didn't understand why they would want to leave me so soon, but I wasn't going to push either. "Okay. Can I walk you there? Did I do anything wrong?"
Trin moved back and shook their head. "You didn't. I just wasn't expecting you not to take me up on that. I'm a little raw and overwhelmed right now. I think it's best if I just go."
I didn't mind if they were like that with me. I preferred it, really. But I didn't want to let Trin think that they couldn't get away from me if they didn't want to. Not even for a second. "Can I walk you?"
Nodding, Trin took my hand again. "Sure. I'd like that. I'm only a few blocks away. The location is great, but rent is outrageous."
"I'm sure everywhere in Denver is." I definitely couldn't afford to live in the city. Maybe if I had a roommate, things would be different, but I was just staying in a cheap place while I tried to figure out my life post-divorce. As long as I didn't take my parents up on their offer to let me stay in my old room in the basement, I figured I was doing pretty well.
I didn't mind that we were leaving the botanic gardens only a few minutes after arriving. I'd learned a lot about trauma since coming to work at Trinity House, and not making a traumatized person stay in a situation that made them uncomfortable was pretty much one of the first rules I'd been taught. Right along with not demanding answers that I didn't need to know.
