Page 93 of Sex. Love. Marriage.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he cries, kissing my neck, his lips venturing to mine. He stops kissing me, his eyes on mine, sure and steady with his words, “My forever stands if yours does.”
A shiver scurries down my spine. He scans my face, stripping me bare with just a look. Through everything over the last two years, deep down, I don’t think my heart ever doubted his love. My mind wandered to the worst-case scenario, but my heart, the one that knew his intentions, she knew and kept me holding on. “My forever is with you,” I assure him, knowing my forever will always be with this man through everything.
They say losing a child is the ultimate test of your marriage and your own personal strength. If we made it through that, I know we can make it through this. Together.
(Keep a close eye on Aunt Dee.)
KELLY AND Istay inside the barn for probably an hour. I have no idea where we were going from here, or even if shit was okay, but it seemed like a start. But for the first time since we laid Mara to rest, it feels like we’re going in the same direction. Together.
We’re sitting on the hay bale. She’s on my lap, her arms wrapped around my shoulders. I press my lips to her forehead. “We should go check on the kids.”
Nodding, she hums. “We should.”
Sliding off my lap, she stands and holds out her hand. “Hopefully they’ve been behaving.”
I take Kelly’s hand in mine and peek out the barn doors into the night. The sun has set,leaving the sky a golden purple color since the storm passed. Scattered puffy clouds look like marshmallows, and the thought makes me smile. Mara loved marshmallows. Said they tasted like sugar cotton balls.
Hand in hand, Kelly and I make the half mile walk from the barn to my parents’ house. The circle driveway is still filled with a handful of cars, and I can’t tell for sure if the wedding was called off or not.
“I feel like such a horrible sister right now,” Kelly whispers, trekking along beside me with her bare feet. “I ran off in the middle of her crisis.”
“You’re not a horrible sister.” I motion for her to hop on my back. “Here, I’ll carry you.” She takes me up on the offer. I smile contently when she rests her chin on my shoulder. “Reminds me of the night we got married.”
I laugh at the memory of me carrying her down this very path. She was five months pregnant at the time, so it made it a bit awkward, but we managed. I guess maybe that’s how we’re going to get through all this. We’ll manage. It won’t be easy. It’s not magic. It doesn’t just fix itself, and I know that. It’s not like I’m going to be able to snap my fingers and get over this.
“Do you miss living here?” she asks.
I think about the question for a moment. “There’s things I miss, yes, but I think I’d be worse off if we still lived here. I felt like every day I was suffocating here with the reminders of her.”
“I feel closer to her here.”
I slide her off my back to stand in front of me. “What are you saying?”
“Somedays I think about moving back. You know?”
I nod. “I know. Me too, but I don’t know. I just started the shop. The house isn’t finished.” I could really go on and on about the reasons why it’s not a good idea to drop everything and move back. But in reality, that’s exactly what I did to her when I moved us to Santa Barbara on a whim. Drawing in a deep breath, I shake my head. “I’m sorry I uprooted us over my own shit.”
She touches my cheek. “I get it, Noah. I really do. I don’t regret us moving and I don’t think it’s time to move back, but maybe someday.”
Leaning in, I press my lips to her forehead. “Someday.”
BACK AT THEhouse, the wedding is on hold. While guests are mingling, Justice and Kelsey are missing, and her dad looks pissed.
“I think maybe your dad doesn’t hate me as much as he hates Justice right now,” I whisper to Kelly, keeping her against my side.
She leans forward and grabs a running Hazel by her waist to pull her into us. “Oh probably. He’sneverliked Justice.”
I raise an eyebrow. “And he’s liked me before?”
“Maybe once or twice.” She props Hazel on her hip. “Hey, sweets. Where’s your brothers?”
With chocolate all over her face and what looks to be dirt all over her dress, she shrugs and attempts to get her hair out of her eyes. “I not know.” And then she wiggles to get down. “Let me down. I gotta go. I’m it and if they catch me, they eat me for dinner.”
Kelly looks around. “Who?”
“Them boys!” She squeals and flips her hand behind her, smacking me in the face.
Kelly sets her down and she takes off running.
