Page 76 of Sex. Love. Marriage.
Those words rattle around in my head for days. I can’t sleep. I can barely eat. That was the last thing I said to Mara when she died. “Daddy’s got you.”
It doesn’t make me feel better; it makes it worse. Hazel couldn’t have known that. So was it just a coincidence that it happened?
“If we don’t leave soon, we’re never going to get there by Thursday,” I tell Kelly when I catch a glimpse of her running around the house as if there’s a storm coming. There is when you think about it. It’s called a road trip, and no family with kids is ever prepared for them. If you think you are, you’re being naïve. Traveling with kids is exhausting, and those who say it’s not are either superhuman or liars. It’s when your kids decide to act their worst. I’m sure of it.
We’re set to leave for Austin today and have to be there for the wedding festivities by Thursday. I tried hard to get out of it by using the excuse that I can’t leave the shop, and even, “I hate your mother, therefore, I refuse to go.”
Nothing works for me. All I get is the, “If I’m going, you’re going,” speech and something about I’m not taking four kids on a road trip by myself.
I counter with a “Three kids and a puppy” comment and all that gets me is a probably much-deserved slap to my head. Can’t blame a guy for trying.
Beside me, Sevi is licking the frosting off a cupcake. That’s not the weird part. What’s weird is what’s on top of it as a candle. I’ll give you a moment to come up with some ideas.
.
.
.
If you guessed candle or candy, you’re close.
It’s a dick candle. Surprised?
Is it weird that I’m not?
Before you go thinking this is a huge problem, Sevi’s three. Clearly not old enough to understand what it is, but he does yank the candle off, look at it, and then glance down between his legs. I can tell there’s some curiosity there, but he shrugs it off and goes back to licking the frosting.
I stare at him. “Where did you get that from?”
His bright blues shift to mine, blonde curls falling into his face. He barks and points to Bonner’s house.
Of course.
Kelly comes around the corner, smirking. “Shouldn’t be too much longer.”
I narrow my eyes at her and place my empty coffee cup in the sink. “What’s with the smile?” I even glance down at my coffee to make sure there is nothing floating in it. Last time she smirked like that I had a My Little Pony floating in it. Thanks to Hazel.
“I walked in on Hazel standing on the counter after her bath making her butt cheeks talk in the mirror.”
I got nothing. I don’t even know how to reply to that one. Do you?
Beside me, Sevi does probably the most disgusting thing he could do and takes the dick candlestick and dips it in the frosting, then licks it off.
I rip the dick candle from his tiny sticky hands. “Stop that.”
With her arms full of bags and pillows, she stares at Sevi. “Where’d he get a cupcake from?”
I toss the dick candle at her. She stops, looks at it, then kneels to yank it off the floor. “Oh my God. Is that a—”
“Apparently,” I say, cutting her off. “He got it from our lovely neighbors. I really think we should move. They’re setting a horrible example for our children.”
Kelly’s brow furrows. “Why would they give him a cupcake with a penis on it?”
Just then, Oliver walks into the kitchen. “I think the candle is weird, but I’m really glad it’s Ashlynn’s birthday. These are delicious.”
Well, that solves that, but why did she give them to our kids with dicks on them?
We might not know the answer to this because I’m not entirely convinced we will survive the road trip back to Austin.
