Page 61 of Sex. Love. Marriage.
Nick slams his fist into his desk, his fire-lit eyes raising to mine. “Noah, get the fuck out!”
After setting the bag down, I stand in the doorway with my arms crossed. “Are you going to tell Xianna?” I don’t know why this bothers me so much, but if I had to guess, I think it has everything to do with the fact that my wife and I’ve been through hell and back and we’re still making it work. And my question isn’t a question. It’s more of a demand. It’s an ultimatum because she deserves to know.
Ava smooths out her dress, her words shaking as she pushes past me. “Excuse me.”
I cock my head to the side, my lips in a flat line of disapproval. “You’re fucking up.”
I can see it on his face. He doesn’t like that me, of all people, is the one to catch him. Maybe because I’m the little brother, or maybe because he knows if anyone is going to hold him accountable for his actions, it’s me.
“It’s none of your business,” he finally says, his tone defiant.
“But it is because you didn’t lock your goddamn door. Are you going to tell Xianna?”
Without meeting my judgmental stare, his eyes drift to the condom wrapper, the panties next to it and then the photograph of his wife on the desk. “No. I’m not going to break her heart like that, and you better not tell her either. This is between me and her.”
Admit it, you want to punch him too, don’t you? My head pounds in my temples, bitterness on my tongue. “You mean you, her, and this bag of her cheating spunk?”
“Noah.” He shakes his head, his hands clasped in front of his mouth now as if he’s contemplating his next words. And they only piss me off more. “You have no idea what it’s like not to be able to give your wife what she wants.”
Ha. Fucking. Ha. Yeah, I have no idea what it’s like to want to give your daughter her life back. Or take away the pain of watching her die in your arms. But you know what kills me? The fact that he thinks because he can’t give his wife a baby, that’s worth cheating. I know the feeling of being defeated. In all the moments of the night Mara died, the memories, before and after, the one that haunts me the most is the one of her last breath and the look of complete fucking devastation between Kelly and I. The one where we knew, from this moment on, we would never be the same people.
My breathing intensifies, and it’s like I’m living that night over again, even though these two have nothing to do with one another. But then again, they do. “I can’t believe you.” My words shake, my reality for disguising the two situations nearly invisible. “You’re a piece of shit.”
“You have no idea what it’s like,” he snaps, believing his own bullshit excuses.
“You know, something happens to people when they lose a child. Maybe it happens when you lose someone close to you too, but a child, this is when this hits home for you. Possessions, money, the perfect life, it’s meaningless. It doesn’t exist for anyone, and once you lose part of your soul, that’s when it becomes your reality, and you can see past people’s shit. Suddenly, you find yourself less forgiving of their excuses and more focused on the fact that they’re wasting precious time. I should really be telling myself this in one sense or another, but cheating on your wife because you fear you can’t give her what she wants, that’s just a poor excuse for covering up the fact that you’re not manning up.” It’s at this point, right then, I lose my shit on him. “You’re such a self-centered prick. You have no idea what it’s like.”
With his jaw clenched, Nick stands and comes closer. We stand toe to toe. Then he shoves me back away from him. “You don’t either. Your marriage is perfect, and you’ve given your wife everything she’s wanted. I can’t give Xia the thing she wants most in the world.”
Perfect? Does that exist? I don’t know anyone with a perfect relationship. “Perfect?” I snort. “You think it’s fucking perfect? We lost our daughter. Our seven-year-old daughter. That right here destroys you.” I take a step toward him, our eyes locked on one another. His fire, mine ice. “Don’t talk to me about your reasons until you have to look into your wife’s eyes as you’re holding your daughter’s lifeless body and hoping to fucking hell you guys make it through the next minute, let alone your marriage surviving. That’s hard. That’s the kind of shit that destroys you. You don’t see me fucking around on Kel, do you?”
“So what, because you lost your daughter you’re suddenly the expert in marriage?”
This is where I lose it. I grab him by the front of his shirt and slam him up against the wall. “You’re such a son of a bitch! You haven’t heard a goddamn thing I’ve said. Don’t talk to me about your superficial reasons for fucking around on your wife.”
He’s breathing heavily; his hand knocks mine away. “I’m not going to warn you again, Noah. Mind your own fucking business.”
“Are you going to tell her?” I press, demanding an answer.
His jaw clenches, waiting. No answer.
I shove away from him, and he stumbles back but catches himself against his desk. “I quit.”
He looks at me as if I can’t possibly be serious, his expression morphing from anger to disbelief. “You’re gonna fucking quit over this?”
I tense, every part of me frozen in place for a moment. “You’re goddamn right I am. Find yourself a new foreman.” I turn, open the door and walk out. I have half a mind to call Xianna and tell her, but then again, it’s not my place. I have to remind myself I have my own shit to deal with.
I DON’T GOhome right away. Instead, I call Jason because he has a friend who owns a property management company. We meet up at a bar for lunch.
“You really quit your job? What’s Kelly gonna say?”
I shrug, my eyes on my beer and the condensation forming around it. Truth is, I don’t know what Kelly is going to say. “I’m sure she won’t be happy about it. I didn’t ask her when I moved her and the kids out here, and I didn’t ask her about this.”
“Why did you quit?”
I think about what I’m going to say. Jason doesn’t know Xianna or my brother. “Walked in on my brother fucking the sales manager.”
He gives me a look of confusion, as if he’s thinking really hard about something. There’s a smirk playing at the corner of his lips when he asks, “The sales manager is a woman, right?”
