Page 56 of Sex. Love. Marriage.

For a moment Kelly doesn’t say anything as she searches my eyes from something. Probably an emotion she wants me to have, but I’m not. And then she snaps out of the trance, blinks rapidly and steps back away from me. “I should go check on the kids.”

I don’t say anything. Instead, I let her walk away from me.

“HOA LADY ISlit.”

Jason’s right. She is. Two brownies ago, but then she went for her fourth, and it was the end game. Now she’s sitting with another chick, sharing a glass of wine probably talking about how much she hates my ass for not mowing my lawn. Yep. Still haven’t. At this point, it’s more on principle than anything. I want to see how far she’s going to take it and believe me, I’ll let the motherfucker grow to be a foot tall before I mow it now.

Steve quirks an eyebrow, smiling. “What does lit mean? Does that mean high?”

Bonner slaps his hand against Steve’s chest. “Please try to follow the conversation, Steve.” And then he leans in. “Okay, now for the fun part. We shit on her lawn.”

“I don’t think I want to do that,” Steve adds. “That doesn’t sound fun.”

Bonner snorts and cracks open another beer. “I’m kidding. We’re not doing that. But I have a plan.”

“That doesn’t sound fun.” This time I’m saying this, only to be glared at by Bonner. “Fine. What the fuck is this brilliant plan of yours?”

Bonner grins and it’s clear he was a troubled kid because he holds up a handheld blowtorch. “We’re gonna burn a dick in her lawn.”

“Whose dick?” Yep. Steve asks this. As if you were surprised.

“Mine,” Bonner grumbles, grabbing his dick, and up the street he goes with the blowtorch.

Jason gives a nod, rolling his eyes. “I think we’re supposed to follow.”

So we follow and Bonner, not me, burns a big cock in HOA lady’s yard with the blowtorch. I have a feeling it’s not going to go over well, but after two brownies, I don’t care either. What I do care about is finding my wife again.

For an hour, I don’t find her. Instead, I go door to door with Hazel and Fin, who lets me hold her, if you can believe it. I think it’s what, the third time in her little life that this has happened.

“Do you still hate me?” I ask her, wondering if I’m even qualified to be holding a baby. Probably not. Before you go calling child protective services on me, she’s totally fine and so am I. The brownies just took the edge off.

Fin looks at me, frowning, her little yellow feathered hand reaches up and smacks my lips. I think this is her way of saying shut the fuck up. So I do.

“Daddy!” Hazel beams, showing me a package of Sour Patch Kids. “Look, it’s your favorite. Mara liked them too, didn’t she?”

A lump immediately forms in my throat. Hazel’s right. They are Mara’s favorite. I nod, unable to say anything to her. I’m afraid if I do, my words will come out shaky and then she’ll ask if I’m upset and that will lead to more questions.

Turning, I head down the walkway of the house we were at, dodging kids on the sidewalk. When I get to the end of the driveway, I look back over my shoulder at Hazel, who is watching me curiously.

She sighs, orange locks falling into her face. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I didn’t mean to make you sad.”

I kneel down to her level and set Fin on her feet. She’s apparently had enough of me holding her and wiggles until I let her loose. Reaching for Hazel, I pull her into a hug. “You didn’t upset me, sweetie. I just miss her, that’s all.” It’s more than that and Hazel knows.

Hazel pulls out of my grasp and cups my cheeks with her hands. “She says she’s healthy and not to be sad anymore.”

While my eyes burn and I think there should be tears, there’s not. Only anger that my daughter died and I couldn’t do anything about it. I know she’s no longer in pain and in a better place, but it will never stop the doubt inside me.

With a deep breath, I stand and tug on Hazel’s hand. “Let’s go find Mommy.”

HAZEL AND FINend up ditching me for Ella about twenty minutes later.

I’ve never officially met Ella until tonight, and I’m happy to report she’s more like her mom than her dad. Not that there’s anything wrong with Steve, but you know. He’s… confused.

Ella has Sevi in her arms, laughing. “He’s so cute,” she says. “He thinks he’s a dog.”

“Yeah, it’s cute for now, but it gets old,” I mumble, leaving the kids with her. I normally wouldn’t drop my kids off with someone I didn’t know, but apparently, she’s the block babysitter while the adults go through a haunted house. I don’t make the rules. I’m just forced to follow them.

I’m left looking for Kelly on my own. Last time I saw her, she was with Kate and Ashlynn. Do you remember when I said I was a bit possessive sometimes?

---