Page 25 of Sex. Love. Marriage.
“Sure you do,” I say in a matter-of-fact tone. “You are one.”
“That’s not very nice.”
I sigh. He’s right. Maybe I need to tone it down a notch. “I’m sorry. I just have a massive headache.”
“Pretty sure a headache is the least of your worries.” His eyes slide south again. And then Kelly returns to the living room just about the same time Bonner asks, “Did you take the whole pill?”
I don’t even bother looking back at my wife. You tell me her expression. Is she angry? Should I run? Whatever. I look at Bonner instead. “What do you mean thewholepill?”
“You should only take half of one,” he admits sheepishly, as if he can’t believe he’d forgotten to tell me that part.
I step toward him, my chest puffed out as if I’m some kind of gorilla going in for the kill. “You little motherfucker. You could have said that when you handed it to me and said, take this.”
His eyes widen, and he takes two quick steps back. “I thought you knew.”
I throw my hands up in the air using every ounce of self-control I have not to kick this kid in the face. “Yes, because I take this shit on a regular basis.”
“What did you take?” Kelly finally asks, stepping further into the room, her hands settled on her hips. I sneak a quick glance her way. I can’t decipher her mood. I think I have blurred vision.
Bonner notices Kelly in the room now and winks. “Looks like you’re enjoying the night too,” he says when he notices her hair and the rip in her shirt. I hadn’t recalled doing that, but I wouldn’t have surprised if I did it in the kitchen.
Kelly doesn’t even bother answering Bonner. She’s too busy staring at me like I’ve grown a third head. I have, and it’s really fucking angry. “What did you take, Noah?”
“I took a Viagra,” I mutter angrily under my breath, reaching for my wallet and keys. “Now if you don’t want me to bleed to death, we should go to the ER.”
“You took Viagra?” Her expression is somewhere between amusement and shock. I bet if I was inside her head, her insecurities lie with: I’m not good enough for him or I don’t turn him on so he resorted to stimulants. It’s nothing like that, but I also don’t feel like explaining myself at this point. Her lips flatten. “Why?”
“Because he told me to.” I point angrily at Bonner, who I might never forgive.
Kelly stares at me, swallows hard and then finally says, “Who’s going to watch the kids?” as she fidgets with the sleeves of her sweatshirt.
I wave my hand to Bonner who’s now on the couch staring at his phone in his hand, completely uninterested in us. “This dude.”
Kelly shifts her weight from one foot to the other. I could be wrong here, but she might be about ready to explode on me. “Noah, we can’t have our neighbor watch them.”
“They’re asleep. What the fuck does it matter?”
“Seriously?” Yep. Kelly sees all kinds of problems with this. “Has he even watched kids?”
“Nope,” Bonner adds, smiling at her with his feet kicked up. “I got this though. They’ll be fine.”
“See? They’ll be fine.” And then I’m out the door and heading to the car. Me and my bleeding, possibly broken, hand.
IT TAKES USabout thirty minutes to find the hospital, when it’s down the street. Kelly can’t follow Google Maps for shit. They can tell her to turn left, and she’ll turn right. Every fucking time.
“I can’t believe you took Viagra.”
See? I knew it was going to come to this. I stare out the window. “You can’t believe it or you want to know why?”
Her eyes remain straight ahead, never lifting from the street, but it’s her breathing I notice. It hitches. I hit the nail on the head. “Why?”
“I have no idea. I just did.” Truth is, I didn’t really think it through, as you remember. I just took it and thought to myself, let’s see where this goes from here.
But I don’t tell my wife that. Instead, I deflect and avoid.
“I also can’t believe you are having a porn star’s husband watch our kids,” she seethes. Okay, so first off, I can’t blame her on that one. Second, it’s coming.
“Is that what you were watching when I came in the room? Bonner and his wife?”
