Page 12 of Sex. Love. Marriage.
Kate snorts, her eyes bugging out. “You mean like porn?”
Watching us carefully, like we might reject her presence based on her profession, she replaces the cap to her water bottle wearily. “Yes, I guess, but those of us in the industry, we don’t like to call it that.”
“Why not?”
“Because porn makes it sound cheap and dirty. Adult films is a better description. We have a script and a storyline that we follow, just like any other production.”
“Porn,” Kate blurts. “Any way you look at it, it’s porn.”
I know what you’re thinking. Kelly, your kids are listening and you’re talking about porn? To be fair, Finley is sound asleep (hopefully for the night) and Sevi couldn’t care less. He’s still staring at the dog and has absolutely no clue what we’re talking about. Hazel, on the other hand, she would, but she’s about twenty feet ahead of us collecting flowers from yards as we walk. She can’t hear anything we’re talking about.
“How do you do it?” I ask, because I’m totally curious. “I mean, you’re married. Doesn’t your husband get jealous?”
“I met Bonner in the industry. It’s not personal.”
Kate stops walking and sloshes her wine around in the glass in an attempt at making a statement. “Honey, if a guy puts his dick in your pussy, it’s personal.”
“What do you guys do for a living?” Ashlynn asks, trying to change the subject.
“I’m a food critic. I review restaurants,” Charlee says, jogging toward the mailboxes with her key. It’s a Thursday. I only get my mail on Tuesdays. I don’t like to ruin my weekend with the possibility of getting bills and pissing me off. So I don’t get the mail. Therefore I won’t be upset.
“I make babies,” I say.
And Kate, she downs another glass of wine. “I make it through the day.”
Gretchen, who I thought had ditched us, catches up and tucks her phone into her bra. “What did I miss?”
“Beauty queen’s a porn star,” Kate blurts, glaring at the now empty bottle of wine in my stroller.
Gretchen makes a face. It’s hard to describe it. I can’t tell if it’s surprise or disgust so I’m just going to say Gretchen appears surp-gusted. And super judgey. “Honey, that’s not an honest way to make a living.”
Yep, she went there. I feel bad for Ashlynn for a moment because you can tell it bothers her, but I bet she gets this a lot. “I didn’t ask you for your opinion,” Ashlynn says in quite possibly the nicest voice you can have while telling someone their opinion doesn’t matter. “And there’s nothing dishonest about what I do. I’m a performer. Sure, I have sex with men and I’m recorded doing it, but there is absolutely nothing dishonest about it. My body is my art, and if that means acting a part that involves sex, I do it.”
Kate coughs and reaches up, holding her palm out to Ashlynn. “Can we be best friends now?”
They high-five and laugh while Gretchen rolls her eyes and adjusts her leggings again. “I think these might be yours, Kate. They’re toddler sized.”
“No. I hate leggings.” Kate gestures to her holey sweats and flip-flops. “They suffocate my legs. And why would you have my clothes?”
Gretchen yanks at them once more. “Because you secretly snuck in my house and took mine and replaced them with these.”
“Yeah, ’cause I totally have time to do that during the day.”
Charlee closes her mailbox and rolls her eyes. “Bills, bills, bills, oh, look. Dicks. Old dicks.”
“Gross.” Kate rips the circular from her hand and examines it. “Seriously, what is that?” She points to a photograph on the inside with a picture of a naked couple.
“It’s a mailer they send out once a month.” Charlee glances at a very clueless Ashlynn, feeling the need to explain. “My husband is having a midlife crisis. He joined a nudist group.”
“There’s a nudist group?” I regret asking, but do anyway.
“Yeah, it’s like those groups of people that get together and do fun things like hiking and volleyball.”
Kate puffs out her chest and makes a demonstration like she’s playing volleyball. “While their titties and weenies bounce around. I think I’d go just to people watch.”
“Seriously though, it’s bad. He’s gone completely crazy.” Charlee lets out a dejected sigh. “I know he’s not like,cheatingor anything, but it’s weird, right?” All of us nod. Even Ashlynn, who for the most part, seems like she would be nonjudgmental about Steve’s newfound love of being naked. “Ever since he joined that stupid group, he’s constantly putting his dick on display. Literally, his cock is always out. Cock with your coffee. Oh, let’s have lunch and then there’s cock with your cucumbers. It’s awful. I didn’t like the sight of his dick before, let alone seeing it multiple times a day. He’s not circumcised, and it’s like looking at an angry snake trying to shed its skin.” All of us shiver in disgust. All. Of. Us. “Ella won’t come home most days because she’s afraid her dad’s gonna be naked watching TV. And now she’s dating rebel child.”
Gretchen acts like she slapped her in the face. “My son isnota rebel. He’s a sweet boy.”
