Page 108 of Sex. Love. Marriage.

Swallowing slowly, he steps forward and sits down on the edge of the bed, his hand finding mine. He squeezes it once. “I’m really sorry.”

“Is that why you look so upset?”

“I’m not upset.” He shrugs one shoulder. “I just hate being in hospitals.”

Emotion hits me in the chest, takes my breath away. It’s always those subtle reminders that seem to knock the wind out of you. The little details you thought you’d forgotten and then you remember. Mara. It’s not that her memory has slipped my mind. It hasn’t. It never will. She’s forever a part of us and will remain that way. But when they say it gets easier, I think in a sense, they’re right. It does get easier to smile, to feel like you can live again. And then it hits you again, and you’re reminded of that pain, and it’s as if you’re right back to that moment it all changed.

Noah’s breath catches when he notices my tears. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just… these places, the smells, it’s all… her. And I hate that those are the memories I have of her.”

Despite the fact that I want to punch him in the face for the nail gun incident, I take his hand in mine and smile at him through the tears. “We have good memories of her too.”

His glossy eyes find mine. “We do, honey. We definitely do.”

As much as it hurts to think about her, it’s so much easier to carry the pain with Noah beside me. Before he shut me out, and now here he is, sharing with me why he looks like he wants to burn the hospital down. I like to think we’ve come a long way since that night in the ER when he cut his hand open. Too bad we couldn’t keep from ending up in the damn ER.

THEY END UPkeeping me overnight because they mistake my anger for an infection. That night Kate and Jason come over with the boys for pizza, and then of course, Bonner and Ashlynn make their way over with their newborn daughter Hayley. She’s only a month old and so freaking cute. Naturally, look at her parents. Fin doesn’t like Hayley. She’s competition for her, I assume. When she spots Hayley, she clings to Bonner’s leg and makes him hold her.

“Does it hurt?” Bonner asks, holding Fin on his hip like a professional. It’s amazing to me that he went from frat boy neighbor to hot, young dad-next-door overnight. Don’t you dare tell Noah this, but I watch him mow his lawn without his shirt on. If you tell him, I’ll deny it.

“What do you think, Bonner?” I ask, still feeling angry at the world. Charlee and Steve walk in with Gretchen. They’re barely talking because Jayden knocked up Ella.

Just kidding. This isn’tTeen Mom, but they’re definitely having sex for sure now. Steve walked in on them fucking on the couch in the living room and isn’t too happy.

I smile at them as they talk with Kate and then glare at Bonner who looks from Fin to me and shrugs. “By the tone of your voice, I’m thinking yes.”

Noah chuckles and hands me an ice pack. “They gave her pain meds. She gets mean on them. I tried to warn them, but they didn’t listen.”

I toss the ice pack back at him and purposely hit his infected thumb in the process. “Shove it up your ass, Noah.” We’re fine. Everything’s fine. But I do hate him a little bit at the moment.

He smirks, his jaw tight in the process because I imagine his thumb hurts. He smiles at Bonner. “See what I mean?”

Ashlynn sits next to me, baby Hayley attached to her tit. And yes, Sevi is very much paying attention to this. I hate to say it, but he hasn’t outgrown the boob phase yet. “How the heck did you get a nail in your leg?”

“Noah didn’t lock the door,” I’m quick to say, because if Noah can throw me under the bus with his mean comment, I’m taking him with me.

Noah groans, tossing me an angry expression. “I thought I did.”

Kate approaches us and flops down next to me with her wine. “Sorry, babe, no mixing alcohol with your drugs.”

I shrug. Honestly, it doesn’t even sound appealing. That chocolate cake on the counter does though. I end up getting Hazel to bring me a slice and then she cuddles next to me. “Mama, I gave August five dollars, and he said it was for a savings account. What is he saving for?”

“That asshole,” Kate growls. “Last week he charged people ten dollars to come down the street because Revel was visiting Bonner.”

Ashlynn laughs. “Rev found out and was helping him too. Signed an autograph for the HOA lady and August pocketed fifty bucks.”

Kate gasps. “That little hustler. He’s buying me coffee tomorrow.” And then smiles. “Just between us, I’d pay money just to look at Revel Slade.”

Ashlynn nods, adjusting Hayley over her shoulder to burp her. “He’s so beautiful.” And then she turns her head to see Bonner scowling at her. “If you, uh, like the rock-star vibe.”

We all laugh because we know it’s true.

The rest of the night is spent with Oliver bragging about the size of his fish to the same crazy crew in this one neighborhood in Santa Barbara that changed our lives this last year. I like to think Noah and I finally getting our shit together and talking was all us, but in reality, I don’t think it would have happened without them.

Later that night, Noah helps me upstairs to our room and lays me on the bed. “I said I was sorry. You need to let it go.”

Adjusting the pillows behind my head, I level him a look that screams “fuck you.” I’m still a grudge holder and he’s right, pain medication makes me so mean. “I can’t believe you didn’t lock the door.”

He smiles. “Like I said, I thought I had.”

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