Page 78 of Promise Not To Fall

I nod. “I will. Call me sometime too. Maybe you could come to Phoenix.”

Jake scrunches his nose. “I don’t know about that. It’s pretty hot there.”

“It’s not that hot.” I bust up laughing. “It’s hotter here.”

“You guys have snakes too.”

“So you’ll swim with sharks and pigs but won’t risk a snake bite? That’s pretty messed up, Jake.”

We both laugh then, knowing we’re stalling. My heart hurts down deep. I thought I knew heartache. I didn’t. Not like this. Not until I had to give something so great up just because I won’t take the plunge and stay.

Stretching up on my tippy toes, I kiss his cheek. “I hope you get that bar you’ve always wanted.”

Deep down, I know he will. Jake’s determination can get him a lot. Believe me, he got me that first night. But, then again, I was drunk.

“Someday I will.” He wraps his arms around me, refusing to let me go. “And you need to go say goodbye to your mother, properly.”

I have a few more things I want to say to him, and we have enough privacy away from the bar. When I glance back at the Sand Bar, I notice his dad raise his hand and wave to me, giving me the same grin Jake has. Nash does the same, along with Zain, who’s once again sitting at the end of the bar.

“I will.” Dread washes over me. “I wish I could stay….”

He raises an eyebrow, hopeful. “Why don’t you?”

I shrug. “I need to find a job and Revel needs me.” I’m just about to say if I had a job here, I probably would stay, but Jake speaks before I can.

“What about me?” he asks. “Am I enough to make you stay?”

My hands shake as I bring them to his face, cupping his cheeks. His expression shifts again, but I can’t tell you for the life of me what he’s thinking. Part of me think it’s for the best that I don’t know. I can barely get the words out between my tears. “I lo—”

“No.” One finger presses against my lips softly. “Don’t say that to me unless you mean it.”

I do mean it. He needs to know this. “This is so completely unlike me, and I would have never thought it was possible, but I love you,” I whisper in his ear, barely audible. “I love you for what you’ve shown me. I’m a better person for having met you.”

I know then, loving Jake and leaving him isn’t anything like breaking a glass on your kitchen floor and feeling shards cut your feet for weeks. It’s like lighting a firecracker in your hand and closing your fist.

When I draw back, he smiles. “I told you I would be anything you needed.” His thumb brushes across my bottom lip, and his eyes meet mine, worried. He reaches out and cups my cheek, making it so I can’t look away from him.

It’s then I finally understand his statement. He’s exactly what I needed. But what am I to him?

“You said you didn’t want me to mean anything. So what was I to you?”

“You know I meant what I said to you, right?” His pleading bloodshot eyes focus on mine. I can tell then he isn’t going to, but a good part of Jake wants to beg me to stay. “You were exactly what I needed. A cloud in a blue sky to take my mind off what the sun was blinding.”

Goddamn him and his cryptic meaningful words.

“I thought I could let you go, but now, now I don’t want to.” And then he says, “I love you.” Drawing each word out slowly. “I’m not above begging you to stay. You know that, right?”

He actually said it. And though I’ve heard those words before, they feel and sound completely different than they ever did before. They feel true and natural. I exhale a shaky breath when he leans down and kisses me.

Jake’s the type of guy who pours emotion into kissing. It’s not just his lips that make the kiss. It’s his eyes and the way they flutter closed. It’s the hands and the way they hold you. It’s the body and the way it consumes you.

“You make me lose my mind,” he whispers against my lips.

“You help me keep mine.” It’s the truth. I complicated him, and he balanced me.

Drawing back, his head tilts sideways and then drops forward, hanging between his shoulders. His hand rises, rubbing over the back of his neck. I watch his chest, his breathing heavy before he looks at me.

“I have to go,” I tell him.

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