Page 76 of Promise Not To Fall

“No—” I start to argue, and he smiles.

“Yes, there is. You can choose to make a choice. You can choose to be who you are or someone different. That’s on you. Don’t say it’s not, because you know I’m right.”

“I was talking about leaving, Jake. Not the choices I make about myself.”

“It’s the same thing.”

“No, it’s not.” I stumble around the words, caught off guard.

He regards me silently before speaking, tossing his napkin on the table. “Dance with me.”

“Right now?”

“Yes. Right now.”

I do, and as soon as he draws me near, his face presses into my cheek, followed by a soft kiss and a sigh.

We sway with little motion, my arms wrapped around his neck with my head on his shoulder. His head is bent forward, his lips at my exposed shoulder. “When you leave,” he mumbles, “I’m not going to know what to do without having someone to argue you with and tease.”

Pain shoots through my chest immediately. I’m going to miss him more than I can ever imagine. I don’t want this to end; this feeling has gripped my entire being. I want it forever. I want to bottle it and take it with his smiles and winks.

You don’t fall for someone like Jake and not feel it in every part of your body. He controls me. There, I said it. I’ve let him control me.

My hands shake as I pull back and look into sky blue, sadness dragging through me. I know what it’s like to lose control now. I know what it’s like to be so far gone you think there’s no return. I know that now because of this feeling I have in Jake’s arms.

“I don’t want to let you go.” His lips press into the side of my neck, whispering, “I’m gonna fucking miss you.” He draws back then, frames my face, his eyes on mine, a serious, soul-deep connection trying to be made.

I think if I would have asked him to, Jake would have begged me to stay. And I would have.

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