Page 73 of Promise Not To Fall

“Why?”

“You remember Amara, right?” I nod, and he continues, “I dated her from the time I was seventeen to twenty-two. Spring break two years ago while she was tending bar with me, she left with Liam one night. I gave her everything I had to give, and she just threw it away.”

Chills run through my body. Amara had been right, and now I’m seeing the other side of that boy who she said suffocated her. But I had no idea that guy was Liam. And that I’d basically replayed that whole scene for him in the bar the other night.

He swallows. “He was just in town for spring break, and every year he comes back. He doesn’t know who I am, and honestly, I stay clear of him for fear I’ll actually kill him if I have the chance.”

I draw in a deep breath. “Have you guys talked about it since then?”

“No. I’m not one to hold grudges. It’s a waste of energy. We were young. She was sixteen when we got together. I was seventeen. Then one day we started growing apart. I thought maybe she wanted marriage. I even bought a ring. The night she left with Liam, I was going to propose to her.” Moving from where he was pacing around the living room, he sits down on the couch and I do the same. “When I saw her leave with him, I destroyed my dad’s bar.”

I gasp, my heart heavy and breaking for him.

He drops back against the couch, frustrated. “I threw the ring in the ocean, and it was over for me. She wanted to make it work after that, but… I couldn’t. Sometimes there’s things you just can’t fix.”

There are things in this world that can break your faith in love into pieces at someone’s feet. This is one of them. My heart aches for him, for Rylee, for me, and a little for Amara. Strangely.

Jake’s brow scrunches, his eyes watering. “God, I loved her so much. I would have forgiven her. I wanted to be blind to it. But she did it right in front of my face. She wanted me to see it. To hurt me. She held my heart in the palm of her hand, and I watched her strangle it.”

Reaching over, I rub his back, like I’d done for Rylee the other night. “I’m sorry, Jake. I never….” I draw in a heavy, shaking breath. “I’m such an asshole. I wasn’t thinking when I left with him. I was scared.”

“I can’t blame you for that.” He shrugs. “You didn’t know it was Liam, or anything about my situation.”

“Stop forgiving people so easily. There’s some things that are unforgivable.”

He stares at me, watching my face. “You should try it.”

“What?”

“Forgiving people. Especially yourself.”

I know exactly what he’s referring to. My mother.

“Why did you come after me then when I left with Liam?” I ask, needing to know. He let Amara go so easily. Why me?

His eyes meet mine as his face twists into a tight grimace of pain and regret. His head shakes. “I don’t know.” And then he asks, “What exactly did you want me to feel for you?”

I swallow, as if I’m trying to swallow sand. “I’m not sure, but I didn’t expect to feel anything for you.”

His eyes soften, and his head hangs. Staring at the floor for several seconds, he breathes out a shaky breath. “I never meant to hurt you, Kendall.”

“I meant to hurt you, as shitty as that sounds. Because I was scared of falling for you.”

He nods, as though he totally understands what I’m saying. “You leave in two days, right?”

I nod, my voice lost.

He turns, his hand on my thigh. “Go to dinner with me tomorrow tonight.”

“I don’t know, Jake.” I sigh, unease washing through me. “I just—” I stop when his fingers press to my lips.

“Don’t say no to me. I’m only asking to take you to dinner on your last night here.” And then he reaches down to the coffee table in front of the couch, retrieving his keys. “I’ll take you back to your hotel.”

On the back of his bike, leaning against him and with my cheek pressed to his back, I close my eyes and wonder if I will ever feel this way again about someone. I hurt for him, for me, for Rylee, for everyone who’s ever been hurt by someone with vicious intentions. I hate myself for leaving with Liam the other night, and even worse for how that must have made Jake feel. I often think that to love someone in the ways you need to, you need to have been broken before. Burned. It gives you the chance to heal and love in the ways you never thought you could. Think about it this way, or at least I have, say you get into a car accident. You braked too late, or maybe they did. Anyway, you get your car fixed, maybe got a ticket, and you’re back on the road. When you get behind the wheel again, you’re cautious, whether you know it or not. Maybe for good reason because you are more aware now. You know what the consequence is and what can happen. Those who have never been in a car accident can’t relate. They can see it and maybe even sympathize with you. But they don’t know until they’ve been there.

I hadn’t realized how much that mattered until tonight. Jake and I aren’t that opposite after all. We’ve both been in fender benders… only, instead of metal on metal, it was heartbreak on heartbreak.

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