Page 81 of Promise Not To Fall

Turning my head to the side, I watch Rylee sleeping, her lips pushed into a pout as Wesley’s head rests on her shoulder. Part of me wants to wake her up so she can punch him again. Maybe give him a fat lip or, even better, a black eye… a scarlet letter mark showcasing his infidelity to the world. But I let my friend sleep.

An hour before we land in Phoenix, I start crying again. There are lucky people in this world. I’m not one of them. Rylee, she’s not lucky either.

We’re miserable.

I’m in hell the moment I return to Phoenix, and I’ve never felt that way before. I’ve always loved this city and the sun. Only, the sun feels different here. Everything looks barren and desert-like, while my heart is still back in that colorful island, sipping drinks and getting serenaded by Jake singing Boyz II Men.

There’s a photograph on my phone. It’s one that catches my eye every day because I’ve set it as my wallpaper. A painful reminder. It’s the one selfie of my first night there with Jake. Me with pink cheeks and my drunk smile. Jake with that dirty smile and eyes that gave him away. It’s us. Crazy grins. I can see it now, the fire in my soul when I was around him.

Jake changed me. You think you know how your life will end up. You have a plan. We all do. And then it changes and you’re left with a decision. You can choose to accept it. Or ignore the change all together, as if it didn’t happen at all. No one like me enjoys change. It’s terrifying, not knowing what could go wrong. Imagine a caterpillar when it changes into a butterfly. Do you think it enjoys the experience?

I don’t know the answer to that, but I can tell you, if I suddenly started to grow wings, I’d freak the fuck out. Naturally, wings have benefits, but when you go from a caterpillar to a butterfly and suddenly have wings, you don’t know how cool wings are because you’ve never had them. All your life you’ve been on the ground. Suddenly you can fly and see the world from a completely different angle. All it takes in life is one person to do or say something to you, and your life in some way is changed forever.

Your mother tells you to never let anyone walk all over you. You don’t.

A man runs a stoplight and takes the life of another. Their family is changed forever. His life too.

My life was changed the day my mom died. Just the thought of her still brings tears to my eyes.

Two days after I get back to Phoenix, on Mother’s Day, I finally say goodbye to my mother. Having never gone to her funeral, it hadn’t hit me that she was gone.

That comes later, after the shock of the change wears off. It happens when you’re alone.

The last words she said to me were: “Yeah, okay, Kendall. Whatever.”

That was after I told her to stay out of my life, that I was managing just fine. My mom never had it easy, and in a lot of ways we were very similar. For people like us, similarity is never good. We clashed all the time. Same with my dad. I think—no, I know—that’s why he left.

Hardheaded people have visions of the way life should be. It takes a lot of pride to admit when you’re wrong. But when you do, it can make that change even easier. We all have faults. All of us. Some worse than others, but we all have them.

I’d never discussed my mom’s accident with anyone but Jake. Not even Rylee. I guess maybe I thought I would never see him again and it was okay for him to see that side of me. He wasn’t judging me. He was just there to show me a good time.

The day of her accident, I had been running late to pick Revel up at the airport. That’s when traffic on I-10 came to a complete stop. For three hours they closed down the freeway, and I never did make it to the airport.

When they finally allowed one lane through, I saw her car covered in a tarp, the front end under a semi-truck. I couldn’t even bring myself to go to the funeral. I felt like I didn’t deserve to go. She only ever wanted what was best for me, and I treated her like she wasn’t good enough. I treated a lot of people like they weren’t good enough—including Jake.

My mom was far from perfect, and so am I, but she loved me more than anything else in the world and would have done anything for me. Instead, I pushed her away.

My fingers trace her headstone and her name. Ellis Landon. “Bye, Mom. I love you.” I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to do this, but I’m glad I finally did. And I have Jake to thank for that.

Wiping my tears away with the back of my hand, I kiss the stone. “Everyday something reminds me of you. And it makes me regret that year. You did your best with me, and I’m sorry.”

I feel a huge weight lift as I leave the cemetery that afternoon. I should have done it years ago.

As I’m walking to my car, my phone rings. I slide my finger over the screen. “Hello?”

“Is this Kendall Landon?”

Pulling the phone down, I glance at the number, but I don’t recognize it. “Yes. Who is this?”

A long-distance hum cracks as I wait. “It’s Stevie. Stevie Benton.”

“Oh my God, yeah,” I gasp in shock. “How are you?”

Stevie jumps right into saying how she wants me to come work for her and that it would be the chance of a lifetime—all the things I already know about the job she’s offering me. I’ll definitely consider it, but at this time, I’m not ready to make a decision.

When I hang up the phone, I stare at it and then back at my mom’s grave. It’s like a sign from her. I swear it is. Chances like this don’t just come along all the time. This is one of those opportunities where you know if you let it pass you by, you will look back on it later and know, fucking know in your gut, it will never come along again.

I once worked with an actor who came up for a role in a film that didn’t appear too interesting. Well, to me, anyway. I told him to turn the role down, but then again, my job as his personal assistant had nothing to do with advising him on which roles he should choose. My job was to walk his dog. For some reason, I thought I had authority. Thankfully, my clients usually found humor in that.

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