Page 142 of Shade

Okay, I’ll admit, the bike incident a week back, total shit move. But I apologized. That’s worth something, right?

I once broke my wrist and ankle doing a 360 spin on a bike in the X Games two years ago. I had a black eye and a concussion on top of that.

Did I compete in the next event?

You bet your ass I did. I took some pain killers, spent some time hooked up to an IV, taped up my wrist and ankle, and still managed to pull off a gold medal with the best trick. Then collapsed on the podium.

Why’d I do that?

Because I was determined to place and nothing was going to stop me.

You know by now I’m indomitable when it comes to something I want. With Scarlet, I have to use some restrain. And after the incident on my bike, you’re probably calling me an asshole now, aren’t you?

Or maybe you agree with me, and you’re thinking, fuck, that chick is messing with you. I tend to think you’re going to agree with her on this one and that’s okay. I won’t hold it against you.

It’s been three weeks since Scarlet showed up and when it comes to her, I’malwayscraving what she won’t give me, but strangely, what she does. Friendship I said I didn’t want. I love the way she’s not afraid to put me in my place, her words, her touch. . . her eyes on mine. It doesn’t matter how much she ignores me.

So what’s stopping me?

Her. She doesn’t want it, and fuck if that doesn’t make it worse. Here’s the thing, she does want me. Her body tells me so. But still, she denies me.

And fuck if I don’tcravewhat shewon’tgive me.

I know what you’re thinking, I’ve had opportunities for a relationship and dating.

Would you believe me if I said no I haven’t?

You should.

The girls at my house, at the events, hanging out in the pits of an event. . . they’re moto hos (chicks who look for a professional motocross racer to fuck). They don’t give a flying fuck if I call them the next day. They care about the status. They fucked Shade Sawyer. They had their one night and they’ll remember it, but they’re onto the next conquest. I do not, nor will I ever, mean anything to them.

Sure, there might have been a few who went a second round with me the next night, or I called back a time or two, but only for a good time, and then that was the end of it. It’s not like I had a whole lot of time for a relationship anyway.

With Scarlet, she isn’t that way. She wants something different. Sadly, not sex, but I’m beginning to understand what having her as a friend means.

For the last few weeks, I’ve seen her every day, and the idea of not seeing her every day makes me insane. I don’t even know what that means.

That’s what drives me to talk to Roan about it.

“I just don’t understand,” I tell Roan as we sit on our bikes looking over a new jump we’re working on.

Roan shrugs, watching Camden in the distance, ripping over jumps and testing out letting go of the handlebars midjump. “I’m the last person you should ask about chick advice, but maybe she’s taking her job seriously.”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” My stare moves to his. “What’s with you and O?”

His shoulders sag at the mention of her name. “About as well as you and Northwest. I fucked up.”

“What’s that mean?”

“I can’t even believe she fucked Tiller. I asked her for more and then when I was over in Athens. . . I bagged that hot brunette reporter from ESPN. O found out about it, because of Tiller and his loud fuckin’ mouth.”

I figured it was something like that and her hooking up with Tiller was kind of a payback. Women are like that. Vindictive. Don’t get me wrong. Men can be, too, but she fucked his brother. That’s vindictive.

“So she fucked Tiller to get back at you. . . .” My voice trails off and he nods.

“Yep. I still can’t believe Tiller, but then again, I can. He does shit like this all the time.” He tightens the buckle on his helmet and starts his bike up. “O wants nothing to do with me now, and she leaves for NYU in two weeks.”

There’s part of me that feels bad for Roan. He loves Ophelia. I can say that without a doubt, even though he’s never come out and said it. And he lost his chance with her. There’s also a side that can reason with Ophelia here. She’s been in love with Roan since she was ten years old and for him to go and tell her he loves her when she finally turns eighteen, then fuck another girl behind her back, who does that remind you of?

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