Page 128 of Trading Paint

“So what’s your plan for next year?”

I’ve known Justin since I was eight years old. He’s raced every season since then just like me.

“I haven’t given much thought to it yet.” He construed taking a drink from his beer. “I could use a break but then again...come February—I’ll probably be pulling my hair out at home with my parents.” He smiled. “I hear you moved up to the big leagues?”

A small chuckle escaped me when he said big leagues.

“Yeah, we start testing the cup car at Fontana in about two weeks.” When I told him my plans for next year, that’s when an idea came to me. “I’ve got a car running in the Outlaw series this next year too,” I smiled. “You wanna drive it for me?”

“You can’t find a driver?”

“Nah, I think I just did.”

And that was that. I didn’t need to worry. Justin was one of the best. Even though I would be racing cup cars, I wasn’t about to get away from dirt all together so I started a sprint car team in the World of Outlaws. I knew eventually I wanted two cars running in it but I started with one.

I got a chance to talk toSwaylater that night before I flew back out to Charlotte to meet with Melissa to go over the merchandise contract.

Sway congratulated me on the win at Turkey Night.

Being the possessive jackass I’d become, I responded with. “Let’s see Blake do that.”

Despite my jealousy, she giggled. “Here we go again.”

“I’m just kidding.” I offered though I wasn’t. “How are you?”

“Eh pretty good.” I could hear a twinge of sadness in her voice.“Looking forward to school being over with.You know,” she paused for a moment. “I never liked high school—I don’t know what made me think I’d like college.”

“I don’t know how you do it.”

“I have it easy compared to you.”

“Nah, I love what I do. All the other shit just comes with it but when I’m in the car...I don’t even think about all the other obligations.”

I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t think about it. When I was behind the wheel, nothing mattered. I was in my happy place so to speak.

I had to catch a flight to Charlotte so that ended our conversation early but I promised to call her soon. A day didn’t go by when I didn’t hear her voice. As stupid as it sounds, it was vital for me to keep going.

I’d like to say I was strong without Sway, but I’d be lying. Everyone noticed, it was hard not to. I was never the same when she wasn’t around and as much as I tried to hide my feelings, I know they saw it.

One afternoon in January before I left to Florida for testing and the Speedweek, I was fixing the lower control arms on one of my sprint cars before Justin came to pick it up. I wanted everything done a certain way and didn’t trust anyone else to do it besides Tommy, and alas, he was home in Elma for the holidays so this left me doing it.

I had been at awhile and my head was pounding in my ears, my vision was blurred so I decided I needed a break.

I looked at myself in the mirror and almost couldn’t tell how old I was. I could pass for thirty these days. It was sickening. With pale skin, blood shot eyes, and dark circles I looked like hell.

I’m sure everyone knew why, but I tried to convince everyone that I was fine. To be honest, I was getting sick. I could feel it. My throat was always scratchy, and my head was always pounding. My stomach was constantly turning and I barely kept down any food. Then again, it might just be that I was running myself on empty. I was lucky if I got five hours of sleep a night. I knew come February, this wasn’t going to cut it.

I splashed some warm water on my face and reached in the cabinet. I poured out the two white pills from the bottle and popped them in my mouth, taking them back dry.

I shook my head and felt the effects of the medication as it slithered down my throat. My head was constantly pounding these days, undoubtedly from the hard hits I’d taken in the race car these last few months.

Thank God forVicodin.

I heard a knock on my door and put the pills back. I went to open it and found my dad standing there with his hands in his pocket.

“Let me in, it’s cold out here.”

The beginning of January had brought a rush of frozen air and snow that stuck this time. The trucks were out every morning, spraying salt. But as cold as it was, the wind crippled you to the core. It was shockingly cold.

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