Page 110 of Trading Paint

For a while, pretending as though I didn’t care but I was a cold hearted prick worked but I never wanted to hurt anyone.

I don’t think I ever felt like a bigger piece of shit as I did right then.

Finally, in August, I was able to see Sway again. We were heading to Knoxville Nationals in Iowa and my excitement was almost unbearable for even me. To tell you how much excitement I showed for this, I was friendly to my sister and offered to buy her lunch on the way to the airport.

And don’t think she didn’t notice this change in behavior, because she did and questioned me endlessly on why I was nice today as opposed to my usual.

I hadn’t seen Sway since right after the Chili Bowl and that was seven months ago. Of course, I’d show excitement.

I made Emma stay in the car while I picked her up. I was in a hurry and had no intention of dealing with airport parking garages. Also, if you hadn’t picked this up by now, I didn’t like Emma for obvious reasons and had no desire to stroll around an airport with her. I’d buy her lunch but strolling the airport, nope, not a chance.

I found Sway about fifteen minutes later at the baggage claim. She had the paper in her hands with a picture of me covering the front page holding a trophy from Indiana Speed Week.

“I hear he’s an asshole.” I whispered with my lips next to her ear.

She jerked forward as if this stunned her, spun around and jumped into my arms.

My heart was pounding as was hers. I could feel it thumping against my chest. She smelled just like I alwaysremembered,coconut and vanilla. I closed my eyes and buried my face in her hair.

She clung to me, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck, her legs around my waist. It probably looked rather inappropriate but I wasn’t at a point that I gave a shit. All I wanted to do was hold her.

“Jesus Christ I’ve missed you.” She whispered and hugged me tighter.

A chuckle escaped me but I didn’t say anything, just held her.

“Could you two move? I need to get to my bag.” A male voice asked politely.

Without saying a word, I stepped back against the glass windows facing the parking garages in between the baggage claim and the ticket booths. After another few seconds, Sway came back to reality and let go of me.

I don’t know why I did what I did next, probably justtofucking torture myself but I leaned in and kissed her lips, slowly and then pulled away to run my fingers over where I just kissed. “You’re just as beautiful as I remembered.”

Sway smiled and then let out that giggle I’d missed so much. “Well you’re just as handsome as I remember.” Her eyes raked down my body. “Christ almighty, why hasn’t someone snatched you up by now?”

My eyes narrowed, she usually didn’t say things like that unless she had been drinking. “Have you been drinking?”

She smirked and clicked her tongue. “I may have convinced a flight attendant that I was twenty-one.”

“She believed you?”

“I’m very persuasive.”

I laughed pulling her against my side to get back to the car. “I don’t doubt that. Now come on, Emma is waiting for us.”

That week with Sway was unreal. It was as though we’d never been apart. I honestly believed that’s why I enjoyed being around her so often and missed her so much when she was gone. I never had to explain myself. If I didn’t call, she understood. If I was tired and didn’t want to do anything, she understood. I was relieved to hear she was taking the summer off from school this year and would be traveling around with us for the next few weeks.

But like anything these days, I never had any time to spend with her. It’s not like I needed to entertain her, but I wanted to spend time with her and surprisingly, not at a racetrack.

I did take her to dinner once, and though this could be considered a date by some, she never questioned it and neither did I. It was just us, like we’ve alwaysbeen,no questions.

Right before she left to go home for school, we celebrated her twenty-first birthday. I gave her a little something to remember me by—my lips on her ass. I might add; I had a matching pair on mine.

After Sway left, I once again looked at filling the void I refused to admit was there. And where do you think I turned?

The more I won, the more the pit lizards slithered their way toward my pit after the races. It didn’t matter if I raced Outlaws or USAC, they were always there. Not that I didn’t already know this, but they only wanted one thing, the thrill of sleeping with the driver.

I meant nothing to them but if I was being honest with you, they didn’t either and never would. I never knew their names and once I was finished, they left. I never held them, barely kissed them and usually never attempted to get them off. If they did when I did, well then more power to them, but I never focused on it. I was an asshole through and through. I was appalled at myself during that time in my life. My mother certainly didn’t raise me to treat women that way, but I was. Something had to give.

Alley and Emma were not happy. Every time I left with a girl, I got a lecture the next day about god knows what, I never listened.

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