Page 67 of Free to Fall

I just nodded, numb.

They wheeled me off not long after. The procedure was short but left me feeling like an empty vessel. Hollowed out. Lost. By the time I returned to my room, the sun had gone down. I asked about Nas the second I opened my eyes.

“He’s still in surgery,” Averi said softly. “It’s been almost fourteen hours, E. They’re trying to repair internal damage…the bullet did some real damage.”

“Creed and Brodie are here,” Serenity added. “They’re in the waiting room with Ari. Ari wanted to be in here, but we…we needed her to be our eyes and ears. Creed can’t, he’s too upset.”

“Royal?” I asked.

“Houston,” Averi sighed. “But he’s on his way.” I just nodded, staring at the wall.

In the last fourteen hours, I’d watched the man I love get shot. I’d lost our child. I’d had minor surgery. And now…I was waiting. Hoping. Praying.

When we got the news that Nasseem was out of surgery and in recovery, I demanded to be moved to his room. I needed to be there when he woke up, I needed to be the one to tell him about the baby; it had to come from me and nobody else.

I watched him as he slept, watched as he looked peaceful. Meanwhile, I was going through turmoil trying to deal with the loss of a child, trying to figure out how the hell I was going to break the news to him when I didn’t even believe it myself. Instinctively, my hand went to my stomach, and I felt terrible as tears slowly spilled down my face. I hadn’t even realized I had cried myself to sleep until I heard my name.

“Egypt?”

My eyes shot open. Nasseem looked at me confused, probably trying to figure out why I was in a bed next to him, why I was in a hospital gown.

“Nasseem?” I sat up and slowly got out of bed as I moved closer instantly, brushing hair off his forehead. “Hey…hey, I’m right here.”

He blinked slowly. “You okay?”

I stared at him, torn between wanting to lie and wanting to spare him… and needing to be real with the only person who would truly understand the depth of my grief.

I swallowed hard. “No. I’m not okay.”

His breath caught. I saw it—the moment his body tensed, the moment his eyes clouded with dread. “Egypt… what happened?”

I took his hand in mine and brought it to my stomach.

“We lost the baby, Nasseem.” The heartbreak on his face was immediate.

“No…” His voice broke.

Tears spilled from the corners of his eyes, and I climbed into his bed beside him, careful of his IVs, his bandages. He reached for me, and I clung to him like my life depended on it. We didn’t speak for a while. We just cried.

“I’m sorry,” he kept whispering. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I know.”

“I should’ve never?—”

“Nas,” I cut him off, voice hoarse. “Please don’t. I don’t want to blame you. I don’t…I can’t. But this hurts.”

“I know, baby. I know.”

He kissed my forehead and let the tears fall freely. He held me tighter.

“I wanted to be better for you. For our baby.”

“I know you did.”

“But I failed you.”

I looked at him, my heart torn in two. “No. Nate failed us. The streets failed us. The world failed us. But you didn’t.”

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