Page 24 of Only When We Fall

Emmie

Coffee. It’s just coffee. And yes, it’s with the same boy I allowed to break me into a thousand pieces, but isn’t that why I’m here, staring out of the window like some infatuated stalker. Questioning myself as to whether he’s really going to show up. Because I need answers.

I spent the entire summer typing out text message after text message, listing all the things I was desperate to know, only to delete them before I hit send. Partly because I didn’t want Kai Banks to know I was thinking about him, and partly because I was terrified that every intrusive thought I was having, was true.

The bell rings above the coffee shop door, snapping me from my thoughts. And there, staring right at me, is Kai. He looks tired, his hair’s dishevelled and dark circles sit beneath his eyes. We’re a week into studies and even I’m not stupid enough to know that’s the reason he looks so worn.

He drops down in the seat opposite me. “Thanks for meeting me,” he mutters, and I note his voice is gravelly from too much alcohol and cigarettes. He’d texted me late last night asking to meet. I’d suggested nine this morning on purpose. Call me childish, but I knew he’d be hungover. I guess it was a test to see how desperate he was to speak to me.

“Whose bed did you crawl out of to be here on time?” I ask, watching the way he flinches, like the sound of my voice might actually hurt.

He meets my gaze. “I slept in my own bed.”

I nod, slow and mocking. “What, no late-night art orgy? I’m disappointed.” He winces slightly. “Well, congratulations. That’s, what – your first night of celibacy since you hit campus? Should we alert the press?”

The waitress comes over and she immediately smiles brightly in Kai’s direction. I scoff in annoyance, how desperate has she got to be to find this shell of a boy attractive. He even stinks like a bar. “Just two coffees,” I snap before she even asks the question. Her smile falters and she gives a stiff nod before turning on her heel and marching off. “Don’t you ever get tired of it?” I ask, staring after her.

Kai’s brows pull together. “Tired of what?”

“That,” I say, flicking my hand in the waitress’s direction. “Girls fawning all over you like you’re some kind of tragic poetry boy with a good jawline and a bad habit.” His mouth opens as though he’s going to argue, but I cut in. “Don’t answer,” I mutter, turning to stare out the window instead. “It’s none of my business.”

“I want to clear the air,” he begins.

“The air you polluted with your toxic friends?” I ask, clasping my fingers together and staring him dead in the eye. “Are you clearing the air from the years of ignoring me and laughing whileeveryone made fun of me, or after, when you took my virginity as part of a sick bet?”

His face pales, as if I’ve physically struck him.Good.I want him to feel it. “That’s not what it was,” he says quietly, his voice hoarse.

“Oh no?” I lean forward slightly. “Then whatwasit, Kai? Enlighten me. Because from where I’m sitting, you played a game, and I was the loser who didn’t know the rules.”

He exhales hard, dragging a hand through his hair. “You think I haven’t thought about that night every single day since it happened?”

“I hope you do,” I snap. “I hope it haunts you.”

The waitress returns then, placing two coffees between us with far less enthusiasm than before. She vanishes quickly, probably sensing the air between us is thick enough to slice.

“It wasn’t what you think,” he says.

My stare sharpens. “So, there was no bet?”

“No.”

“No dare?” He hesitates for a second too long and I lean forward. “So, they dared you to sleep with me.”

“No,” he snaps, before immediately adding, “Yes. But not like that.”

I slam my hand against the table, the sharp crack slicing through the café’s quiet hum. A few heads turn. I don’t care. “Then how, Kai? How is a dare to sleep with me,notlike that?”

He scrubs a hand over his face. “It was that night when Austin kissed Ava. Everyone was drunk, throwing around stupid dares. Bella dared me, and I told her to piss off.”

“And then what?” I hiss.

“Nothing. She never mentioned it again. I figured it was done.”

“You didn’t think to tell me?” His silence says it all. “Not after we kissed?” Still nothing. “Notright beforewe fucked?”

His hand reaches for mine, but I pull away, tucking both hands into my lap where he can’t touch them.

“Emmie, everything that happened between us was because I wanted it. Iwanted you.”

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