Page 12 of Only When We Fall

Kai Banks.

And he’s staring straight atme.

The breath rushes from my lungs. For a second, all I can hear is my own heartbeat.Then Landon pulls me upright and plants a kiss on my cheek. “Stunning,” he says in that ridiculous accent. But I barely hear it.I blink. My mouth is open, stuck between words that won’t come. I turn back, but the space where Kai was standing is empty.

And for one strange second, I wonder if I imagined him altogether.

I climb down and Zara frowns, “Are you okay?” she asks as my eyes continue to dart around the room.

“Erm, yeah, I just – never mind,” I mutter, giving my head a shake. “Drink?” She nods and I grab two beers from the ice bucket, handing her one. “I’m gonna go and find the bathroom,” I add, placing mine down again. “Be right back.”

I push through the crowd, looking frantically.

Ithadto be him.

But it couldn’t be. Could it?

I move through the house, scanning every unfamiliar face. A girl laughs in a hallway. A couple makes out against a wall. A group is passing a bottle around on the stairs. None of them are him.

I open a random door but it’s just a coat cupboard. I try another and find the bathroom. I lock the door behind me and grip the edge of the sink, staring at myself in the mirror. My cheeks are flushed, and my mascara is slightly smudged from all the dancing. My heart is still racing, my head swimming from the drink.

Was it him?Did I really see Kai Banks standing there? Or was it just my mind playing tricks on me. Some cruel, twisted side effect of too much dancing, too much alcohol, too many unresolved feelings?

He wouldn’t be here. He couldn’t be.

I take a long breath in through my nose, hold it, then let it out slowly. I splash some cold water on my face and pat it dry with a hand towel.

It wasn’t him,I tell myself.It couldn’t have been.Besides, even if it was, now he’s seen me, he’ll probably avoid me at all costs.Right?

I push open the door and head back to the party, telling myself to forget it, telling myself it was just the drink and the lights and the heat.

But something in my chest is still vibrating wildly.

The morning air is crisp as I walk across campus with a coffee in one hand and my sunglasses firmly in place, shielding my eyes from a sun that feels too loud. My head is still a little fuzzy from last night, and I didn’t get a wink of sleep.

I pull out my phone and tap Mum’s name before I can talk myself out of it. She answers on the second ring. “Morning, love. You’re up early?”

“First lecture, remember?”

“Of course. It’s a bit cruel having early lectures for first years,” she says.

I laugh. “Yeah, I think everyone would agree with you today.” There’s a pause, and then I say it.Casual.Like it doesn’t mean anything. “Have you spoken to Joel recently?”

“Joel?” she repeats. “Not in a while. Why?”

“No reason. Just wondered if you knew whether Kai ended up going to Uni or not.”

There’s a beat of silence on her end. I sip my coffee like I don’t care about the answer.

“I doubt it,” she says. “Joel mentioned a while back that Kai didn’t really have a plan. Something about taking a year out, maybe working.”

“Oh. Okay.” I force a little shrug, even though she can’t see it. “Just curious.”

Mum makes a small sound. “Areyouokay?”

“Yeah,” I say quickly. “Just heading to class now. I’ll text you later.”

We hang up and I drop my phone into my bag, pretending the conversation didn’t just make everything worse.

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