Page 45 of Sass in the Grass

“Don’t you know?”

“How would I? I’ve never been in love before. I’ve barely had crushes.”

“Wow. That’s…wild.”

The sympathy in Alan’s dark eyes. He couldn’t take that. He wanted no one’s pity. “It’s fine. I…I just want to fuck him, that’s all.”

“Jovian, why would you want to see where he lived, if that’s all you wanted?”

“I don’t know! What are you, some lawyer? Am I on trial?”

“Not at all. I just want you to know how you feel before you try harder for him. I don’t think he’s a casual kind of guy. If he falls for you, just don’t hurt him.”

With that, Alan walked to the Mess Hall, and Jovian stood in the middle of the camp, confused. Hurt him? How could he ever hurt a guy like Dixon? He wasn’t anything. No other guy had ever wanted him past the fun he could have with Jovian. There was no way to hurt him.

That was when Jovian got a good look at the camp that Dixon so loved. The buildings were nothing much, just log cabins, a little shabby looking, but nice enough. The rows of them went far down the dirt path, and they were all perfectly similar.

When he walked by the firepits that were closer to the lake than the cabins, he saw people around them, laughing, enjoying the company of others, even without the fires lit. There were some in the shade, others basking in the sun, and over in the lake, other campers were in boats and canoes, splashing around, having a quiet, good time.

Smiles. Real, authentic smiles. They were everywhere, and the faces that weren’t smiling were solemn and peaceful. The sun reflected on them; the breezes blowing to cool them. There was no judgement, no fear, and most of all, no mocking meanness he’d come to expect.

Ciana proudly wore her bitchiness like a fur coat, keeping her warm. Her eyes were always narrowed as she waited for the next person she could shame in some way.

When Jovian got to his bunk, he lay on it, feeling hot tears rolling past his temples and into his hair.

That didn’t last long, though. Someone was knocking on the door of the cabin, and he was annoyed there was not a soul inside to answer it, so he had to do it.

As he threw open the door, he almost swallowed his tongue. He was so shocked to see Dixon. “Hey, are you alone?”

“Y-yeah,” he said as he looked into those light eyes and shivered all over again, even if the day was particularly warm.

“Can I come in and talk to you a sec?”

“Sure, yeah.”

Dixon came into the cabin and leaned against the wall. God, he looked good doing that. Casual, strong, his body just…covered with muscles and that little fur that stuck out over the collar of his tank top. “I, uh, saw your name on the sheet. Do you really want to do the advanced survival course, or is it…for some other reason, you signed up?”

Those crystal light eyes just sparkled, and a smile played on his dark, full lips as he waited for Jovian to answer.

Choosing his words was harder than he thought, so he chose some that didn’t commit him one way or another. “Can I say that I’d rather not say?”

Dixon snorted a laugh. “Yeah, you can. Jovian, the only reason I worry is that…well, this isn’t foreplay between the two of us. It’s real. It’s a real survival course. I expect a lot of campers not to pay attention to the beginner’s course. It’s mandatory, so they flake off about it, but this isn’t that. It’s an actual course, and if you don’t pay attention, you could get hurt. You could get lost, and…I don’t want to see that.”

He was at a loss for what to say. He wanted to be wherever Dixon was. He was pulled to him, hard. To think of his being gone for however long the course lasted, the survival camping trip…

“I want to do this. I do. Alan’s going to be there, and he’s my buddy, so…He wouldn’t let me get hurt. He’s kind of…I mean he’s…”

“A friend?”

For the first time, he could admit that vocally, though he could no longer look Dixon in the eye. “Yeah. Yeah, he’s my friend.”

“Good,” Dixon whispered and lifted his chin again, waiting for Jovian’s eyes to meet his. When they did, a shiver ran through Jovian. “I’ll be there too. Like I said, though, this isn’t foreplay or a date. As much as, well, maybe I’d like that.”

“What about before we go? Can we maybe, I don’t know, go on a date or something?”

“Yeah. I’d like that. A lot, Jovian. I’d like that a lot.”

Chapter Thirteen

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