Page 30 of Sass in the Grass

“That’s what I thought. I’d turn you over my knee if I didn’t think you’d like it. When we get back tomorrow, you take off. You’re done. I’m not seeing people that came here for a pleasant experience being denied that by a little fuck like you,” Dixon spat, then pulled a power bar from his back pocket. “You’re hungry, here. You’re used to getting shit handed to you. Far be it for me to change that.”

The bar landed on his thigh and that’s where it stayed while more tears came. He lay on his blanket and cried more thanhe had in years. In fact, Alan came back to witness it. “Are you okay?”

“Leave me alone!”

Alan forced him to on his back and while his image swam in Jovian’s tear-blurred vision, he said, “No. You are too used to going it alone, I think. You know, my partner used to be like you. He pushed everyone away so no one could ever hurt him. He put a wall around himself, and that wall didn’t come down easily. We almost broke up a hundred times over it until he finally realized not everyone was out to get him.”

“Don’t act like you know me! You don’t know me!”

“Yeah, I think I do. You took a dislike for me because of Dixon; you thought I was some kind of competition for you.”

As he slowly sat upright, he asked in a whisper, “How did you know that?”

“Because my partner told me all about how everyone that was nice to him wanted something he had. It was the only way to justify not trusting anyone.”

Jovian felt like he was seen for the first time in his life. It was unsettling, to say the least.

“Listen, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve seen Dixon looking at you. Like…looking, if you know what I mean.”

As he fell back onto the blanket, he groaned, “He hates me.”

“He just wants you, theyalljust want you, to take things seriously.”

“I take things seriously,” Jovian mumbled, then a flood of new tears came.

“Sure, your looks, your clothes, your makeup, and all that is fine, but you need to care about more if you want to relate to other people in our community.”

It was exactly what the drag queens and bartender told him. “What if I just can’t relate to them?” Jovian turned and draggedhimself back again so he could look Alan in the eye. “I didn’t suffer the stuff everyone else did.”

“Neither did I. My parents were understanding and supportive, my friends all accepted me, I was bullied once, but it was for my size, not sexuality. That stopped when my mom took me to martial arts lessons.”

“Then how do you relate to them?”

“Maybe relate is a step too far. Maybe some sympathy? Listen to them and know that it’s almost as hard to talk about some of this stuff as it is to live it.”

“It is? Why?”

Alan sat more comfortably and threw a log onto the fire. “Because it’s like reliving it. When I was getting bullied, I didn’t tell my mom for a long time. I was embarrassed, and I thought she might retaliate for me, telling the principal, or the guy’s parents, which—”

“Would make it worse. I know.”

“Exactly. So, I kept it to myself for months until I couldn’t anymore, because I came home with a black eye. Telling her everything, it was so hard, but in the end, it felt like I’d lost some of the weight of it. She understood, and she helped in the best way she could, by getting me lessons and supporting me through them.”

Realizing he’d felt bullied since he arrived, he knew how it felt. The only difference was, however, he deserved it. Not that he’d admit that, ever.

“Listen, Jovian, it’s not too late. If you want to stay, I can help. Mike and Kathy can help.”

“They’re kicking me out.”

“Because Coach thought you were stealing from me. All I have to do is explain I told you that you could have my cookie.”

The tears stopped. His breathing ramped up, however, as he stared at Alan, dumbfounded. “Why? What’s in it for you?”

“Maybe I’d just like to have a new friend. Or maybe I see you better than you see yourself.”

Still unable to figure his motives, Jovian felt something coming over him that was as unfamiliar as it was frightening. He wanted to have a new friend too, maybe more than anything else in the entire world.

“Is it a deal, Jovian? If I tell Coach you weren’t stealing from me, will you, I don’t know, try a little harder?”

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