Page 28 of Sass in the Grass

Alan chuckled dryly and said, “He wanted to, but his company said he needed no distractions. We’re not married, so I’d be seen as a distraction.”

“As opposed to if you were married? That’s stupid.”

“Yeah,” he said with a chuckle. “I know. I guess they figure married people don’t get busy in the bedroom.”

“Well, can’t say as I disagree. Getting married is stupid.”

Bernie was walking by and heard him, so he stopped and sauntered over to the two of them. “Stupid? Do you know how hard we fought to be able to marry?”

Another lecture.Wonderful. “Sure, I guess. I just can’t understand why. That’s for straight people. We’re not straight people.”

“So, if you had a partner that was in the hospital and you wanted to go see him and they asked if you were family, and you said no, then you’d…be okay with them being ill or dying while you were in the waiting room?”

“Lie! God, how hard is that?”

“If it wasn’t legal, then what? They’d know you weren’t married.”

“Jesus, I swear you people are one track on this stuff. I’d go in anyway. What are they going to do, arrest me for sitting by the bedside of my partner?”

“Yeah,” Alan said, and he got up and walked away from Jovian, murmuring, “I’m going to go look for firewood and forage.”

Bernie squatted in front of him and kept his voice low. “You’re not learning anything yet, are you? Why did you even come here?”

“I was blackmailed, that’s why.”

“Well, if this is all the effort you’re going to give, then go home. No one needs your shit here.”

If he had to write it down, admit it to himself, he’d feel it hard. Words had stung him before, sure, but those…they pierced him deeper than he thought possible. Bernie got up and walked away, but Jovian noticed something else.

Dixon had watched the entire thing.

As his head moved side to side, shaking in disappointment, Jovian felt tears collecting in his eyes and he blinked hard, trying to will them to dry, but it was impossible.

He got up from the blanket, suddenly unfeeling of the strain to his muscles, and he left the area, pretending to go foraging. What he actually did was sit in a stand of trees, alone, like he’d always been.

Well, he had to shake it off, that was all! Shake it from him, and return to the Jovian he knew, not the sniveling wimp he felt he was in that moment.

So what if they didn’t like him? No one really liked him except his mother. Even his dad didn’t really have time for him, had no real use for him. Jovian’s dad had dreamed of having a boy that liked sports and…girls. The pictures of Jovian in his nursery, a nursery decorated in baseballs, his dad’s favorite sports team banners. From the first that his dad knew he was gay, which wasyoung, he’d kept his distance. All of Jovian’s accomplishments celebrated with a thin smile, but no real affection.

“Well, fuck him and fuck all of them,” he said to himself as a weird pep talk. It was one he’d given himself a thousand times. “Fuck all of them! They don’t have any power over me.”

He got up and started back to the camp, passing a couple of others along the way. As they smiled at him, he turned his head away, refusing to be taken in by one more fake kindness.

Alan hadn’t made it back yet, so he sat on the blanket, his stomach already growling. After getting the apple from his pack, he knew for a fact that wouldn’t keep him going for long. They were given things they could have on them, and those with the fruit would need to forage first, or something like that.

He got up and casually looked under trees and around big rocks, but he saw not one white paper bag. Casually munching his apple, he was glad he’d gotten the fruit, as it had taken some of his thirst.

The one thing he’d been wrong about was that there would be little white paper bags all over the place. He wasn’t looking hard, but he hadn’t figured he’d have to.

After slinking back his blanket, he saw Alan had started a fire. “Hey,” he said with no enthusiasm.

“I know you don’t like me, so don’t pretend.”

Alan laughed dryly. “I don’t dislike you either, Jovian. I’m…ambivalent.”

“Oh, I see. Well, I’m sure you’re going to hate me soon enough.” Jovian then asked, “Did you find any bags?”

“Not one. I saw that one of the others had, but they’re not just lying around easy to find, like you thought.”

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