Page 26 of Sass in the Grass

The next survival class was more boring than the first one had been. He sat watching Dixon, seeing the others hanging on his every word, and wondered how many, besides him, of course, were picturing their instructor naked.

Feeling bloated and fat from the three marshmallows he’d eaten the night before, Jovian had his folded arms over his stomach. But it didn’t matter. He’d already assured Dixon he wouldn’t look at him crossways.

“The survival hike is in two days. I keep it close to the classes, so all the lessons are fresh. Bernie and I will be the guides, and we’ll provide the backpacks and basics you’ll take with you. Remember, no tents or sleeping bags, and no food that you don’t forage.”

It sounded like hell, and Jovian refused to even consider it, but the moment Dixon asked who’d be taking the trip, Alan, the little brown noser, well, his hand shot up eagerly.

“Alan, good. Alaina, Marcy, Troy, good.” When his eyes fell on Jovian, Jovian raised his hand, though it was shivering from the sudden chill…

“Jovian! Well, great.”

Why he sounded surprised wasn’t the problem. The problem was, he had no idea what he was doing. He was sure to make an ass of himself again.

Oh well, might as well drive that last nail in the coffin of his hopes for Dixon’s dick.

They met in the morning, after chores, of course. Backpacks were lined up and each of them took one, leaving the last one for Jovian, who’d got there a few minutes late. While they were looking through what they had, Dixon announced, “Okay, each of you have one piece of food, whether it’s an apple, protein bar or cookie. Remember, you’ll use up your sugar pretty quickly, but it’s great for short bursts, like climbing up a steep slope or hill. You have a small box of matches but remember the fire danger. We’re allowed open fires, but only responsible ones.”

A blanket, some matches, Jovian had one apple, and then there was a map. “What’s this?”

“A…map,” Dixon said, as if it should be obvious.

He’d heard of them, of course, but he’d never laid eyes on one. “To find our way? Why not just use GPS?”

“How’s that service working for you today?”

Jovian pulled out his phone to see no bars. “Oh.”

“And up the mountain, you’ll get even worse reception.” To the group, Dixon said, “Now, if you get into trouble, we’re going to be close. Do not take off on your own, away from your designated areas. Foraging for food means things we’ll leave for you in white paper bags. They won’t be out in the open, soforage. Get some food, take it back to your camp, start a fire to keep warm, possibly warm your food, and what else?”

Jovian had no clue, but all the others said, “to keep away predators,” in unison.

“Great! This is fun, I promise, and if you get in trouble, stay with your buddy and call out for help.”

Jovian saw the others teaming up, and the only one left was Alan. Alan walked over to him and said, “Looks like it’s the two of us.”

Goody, he thought. “Great,” he said, though, with no enthusiasm.

As they started up the trail, Jovian recognized it. It was the trail he’d seen when the day he got so scared. One following the other, they filed up the trail he thought only predators used, and he was winded by the time they got halfway up the mountain.

Dixon was up ahead, leading the way, and Bernie was in the back, keeping track if anyone got hurt or otherwise got left behind. Feeling like whining, Jovian saw his sneakers getting dirtier and dirtier and he couldn’t imagine what sleeping on the ground was going to do to his clothes.

As they sat together on a plateau near the middle of the mountain, Dixon passed out bottles of water. “These are the last ones, so drink them sparingly.”

Jovian was thirsty, and he knew they were just saying that. Just like the food. He imagined there to be little white paper bags all over. They couldn’t starve the campers. Someone would sue them. So, he drank the water down, and still didn’t feel like he’d had enough.

Alan sat by him on the grass and asked, “Are you doing okay?”

Why he asked, Jovian didn’t know. “Why? Don’t I look okay?” In a panic, he got his travel mirror from his back pocket and looked in it quickly. So, he didn’t look club-ready, not with his red face and mussed hair, but he’d looked worse after dancingall night. “I’m not terrible. I could use some lip gloss and a little blush, but…”

“No, I don’t mean that. I mean, well, you drank all your water.”

“Oh, that. So?”

“That’s all we’re getting for the night. See? Everyone else took a drink and saved the rest.”

“Do you really think they’d let us do without?”

Alan shrugged. “It’s…it’s a survival training thing.”

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